Black Widow: Fractured Identity
by DarthAssasin76
Summary: Black Widow has a lot of demons in her closet. Trouble is, she can't quite remember them. But they remember her. And some are much closer to home than the rest of the team realize. I just want to shout out to Burningember100 for inspiring me and my friend Sandra for giving me the courage to do so.
1. The Calm Before The Storm

_**Present-day - Stark Tower Party**_

_**Natasha's perspective**_

I reclined against the soft leather of Stark's sofa. No matter how much time I spent trying to get used to the feeling, the softness irritates me. It feels as though I am floating on air, my sense of balance completely disoriented. It took me back to those awful days trapped inside her head, those days as Natalia.

Just thinking of her sent a chill down my spine.

She was my secret, my inner beast. The one I had forced out and subdued that fateful year in 2005. She had tried to seize back control several times but I always managed to keep her under. Now she had fallen silent. I had heard nothing for years. Perhaps she had accepted defeat.

She still left her mark on me, however. Behaviours carried over from the red room, thoughts and memories, some more disturbing than others. My mind began to slip as if to confirm my words, the soft leather arousing some very unpleasant memories.

The only times I encountered softness was inside my targets rooms, penthouses and sprawling estates. Laying sprawled and vulnerable, watching leering old men and the odd woman gaze at me with undisguised hunger. The thoughts that were no doubt running through their heads and the feeling that if I failed, they would-

No!

I forced myself out of my memories by grinding my hips against that spring in the sofa. The cold metal ground against my skin and I felt back in reality again. I had discovered it weeks ago. I could have informed Stark, no doubt he would have a fit if there was a fault in his home but I kept it concealed. It was my anchor, the thing that kept me grounded as I reclined on the impossibly soft leather.

I took a sip from my Martini, appreciating the Vodka that flowed into my system. I may need a heavier dose tonight to drown the memories. They seemed especially eager to break free of the locks I had them placed under. I shouldn't be surprised.

Every time the team and I accomplished something good, I thought my ledger was becoming more balanced. Yet, after that encounter with Loki when I was interrogating him, his words kept coming back to haunt me. I could still hear his mocking and scalding words threatening to crack the mask I had painstakingly maintained over the years.

"Can you really wipe out that much red?"

I fought to control myself as my breathing became more erratic and a surge of lightheadedness left me feeling faint. No matter the good I did, nothing could outweigh the horrors I had inflicted. I could only delude myself so much.

"Pff, its a trick!" came Clint's voice, laughing and bringing me out of my thoughts. I swallowed down another sip of my martini, the extra dose of Vodka containing the memories. Sure it may be a delusion to consider myself good. But what was the harm in letting that delusion last for a few minutes longer?

"It is not my friends, no joke" Thor boomed back, his loud voice causing the other conversations around the room to die down.

"I mean really? Whoever shall be worthy can pick up the hammer and possess the power? What kind of lock is that? Must be a trick" Clint insisted and Thor's eyes shone with a mischevious glint.

"By all means then. Prove me wrong" he said, gesturing to the hammer.

Clint spluttered, trying to find an excuse to back out but with the cheers and jabs from Tony, he gave in. I leant back in amusement as he made a big show of warming up before grasping the hammer.

This should be interesting.

He made a show of trying to lift it nonchalantly before his brow furrowed in confusion. He then grabbed the handle with both hands and tried to pull it. I could see the muscles rippling through his arm and yet the hammer didn't even budge.

"How the hell do you do that?" Clint wondered, his tone more reverential now.

Before Thor could respond, Tony gave a sarcastic snort.

"If you think you are any more capable, knock yourself out Stark," Clint said with a grin, passing the responsibility to him.

"Watch and learn Legolas, it's just simple physics," Stark said as he wrapped his hands around the handle and gave it a firm pull. His face shifted from cocky to contemplative as he tried in vain to make the hammer move.

"My god Stark. Is there something even your ego cannot move?" I asked with a challenging smile and that earned a round of laughter.

"Zip it, Romanoff!" Tony shot back sharply, his eyes glinting dangerously.

I kept my face impassive, not allowing the surprise to ripple across my features. He knew what I thought of him, he had read my report to Fury about his narcissism so why was he so sensitive about it? Perhaps he really was trying to make himself better?

Good luck with that.

Believe me, I tried.

"Just to be clear Thor, if I lift this hammer I can rule Asgard?" Tony asked Thor who gave a confident nod.

"I'll be right back."

And with that, Tony left the room in the direction of his lab.

With his departure, the tension that I had not been fully aware of vanished and conversations sparked off again.

"Anyone got any room for Pizza? I need to collect a few things in town and I can drop by to pick up a pizza along the way" Helen Cho asked.

"Pizza? Is that some sort of alcohol? Because I have to say, your earthly ones are weak compared to the ones back on Asgard" Thor said with an accompanying belch.

Maria Hill met my eyes across the room and gave me an amused grin.

"Pizza is a type of food," Steve said kindly.

"The best kind of food there is. Nothing beats a classic pizza!" Rhodey exclaimed.

"How about toppings?" Helen asked as she collected her things.

"I'm fine for anything. Except for pineapple. Only a monster could like pineapple on pizza" Clint said jokingly.

Bruce looked away sheepishly and his cheeks flushed red. Poor guy, just couldn't catch a break. I didn't want to leave him like that but Maria was looking at me expectantly.

"Excuse me for a moment," I said with an instinctual purr as I unwrapped my legs from Bruce and got up. I inwardly cringed at how I was acting around him. Was I really trying to play the flirtation game with Banner? He was a good man, often a little too naive and optimistic for his own good.

Just like Steve.

Yet at least he recognised what I was doing and put me in my place. I was glad for that. The Red Room's training had left me performing behaviours that I didn't fully recognise or desire, yet I did them on instinct. I respected Steve for recognising the behaviour for what it was and shutting it down without blaming me. He should but I appreciate his delusion that I was a good person. If he could believe it long enough, eventually I could believe it too.

"Come back soon!" Bruce called out after me before cursing himself under his breath for coming across as too needy. I smiled inwardly, his words confirming my assessment. Poor Bruce, he never asked to be saddled with a monster. He also never asked for the Hulk either. Yet he was coping, even if he had some low points throughout his life. I emphasised with that, perhaps more than he would want.

"See you all in a bit," Helen said as she left the room.

I navigated my way to where Maria was sitting and sat down next to her. I tried not to give away my discomfort at the softness of the sofa. It must have registered on my face as Maria looked at me in concern.

"You okay?" Maria asked.

"Of course," I said automatically.

She sat there and waited, looking at me patiently. I didn't deserve a friend like her. Though it was impressive I considered her a friend, given our initial meeting. I allowed myself to slip back in time to those days, a lot safer than some of my other memories.


	2. An Unlikely Friendship

_**Flashback- Maria Hill's connection**_

_**Natasha's perspective**_

She was one of the many faceless agents of SHIELD when I first arrived, following my defection. She was also one of the first to stick in my mind and not in a good way. Her by the book attitude and being a rule enthusiast made her very resistant to my entry into SHIELD.

I had to deal with my first couple of weeks in a country that felt alien, an organisation that didn't obey the rules so ingrained into me by the red room and on top of all that, I had to deal with her passive-aggressive bullshit.

The snide remarks, the judgemental stares and the fixation on my past being closed off. I could deal with the stares and remarks any day of the week, that rolled off my thick skin and barely registered. What rankled me was the fixation on my past. I had no intention of telling anyone, not even Clint, despite all that he had done for me.

I already had to live through it once. Reviewing those memories again, even from a remote and clinical assessment would probably send me over the edge. Besides, given my reputation, how would they react if I confessed the truth?

That I only held one half of the puzzle?

The other half lied with Natalia and talking with her was out of the question. I would rather die than let her retake control. Fury and Hill thought they knew what I was capable of? They had barely scratched the surface.

However, one incident changed my opinion of her for the better.

I was walking back from a debriefing with Fury over a mission I had completed. It stuck in my mind as it was the first solo operation they had trusted me with since my arrival. Before, I was always attached to Clint or several SHIELD handlers. It was cute that they thought they could stop me from going rogue if I really wanted to.

Though I did appreciate Clint's company which was odd considering I was designed to be a solo operative. I guess the Red room couldn't control everything.

The mission had been mind-numbingly routine, just busting some arms dealers. They were sloppy and ill-prepared, hell they were arguing over the sale at the meeting point! Everyone knew to agree to the terms and make the trade ahead of time. What amateurs! Hopefully the intel I plucked from the cold dead hands of the blonde-headed one would lead to better prey.

As I recounted this to Fury and strode out of his office, I saw Hill ahead of me as she also finished her shift for the day. I sighed to myself and effortlessly blended into the crowded masses of other agents and administrative staff that were leaving. I could not be bothered to deal with her today, not after all that needling the other week.

Yet something caught my eye.

A man seemed to be following her.

I passed my gaze over the crowd, not letting him see who I was truly observing, looking for all intents bored and distracted. My observations picked out the SHIELD marking on his shoulder and I nearly dismissed him out of hand when he grasped Hill by the arm and forced her into a side room.

I was intrigued.

Who was this man who would so callously handle the deputy director?

I snuck in behind them as Hill began to loudly threaten the man and hid behind a wall to listen in.

"What the hell is your problem Grant?" Hill demanded.

Grant?

His name felt familiar, he was an operative attached to Coulson. He had arrived not long after me and, while Hill's hostility was at least well-founded, his hatred of me had yet to be rationalised.

Of course, he tried to disguise and dress it up like it was a concern that I was a double agent (how touching that he felt this was a startling revelation).

Yet the constant berating of my performances on missions and the wandering hands when he got close spoke otherwise.

Of course, it made sense now following the mess with Project Insight and the subsequent HYDRA uprising. The asshole was a HYDRA mole. Given the closeness of HYDRA and the Red Room, it was no wonder that my defection rankled him.

"My problem Maria? What did you have on him?"

"What?"

"What did you have on Fury that made him pick you?"

"Is that seriously what this is about? You're jealous over a promotion?"

"Hardly. If only it wasn't you. After all, there were clearly better candidates out there. A lot of us lost respect for Fury when he picked you as his second."

"That's not my problem Grant. If they can't get their heads out their asses-"

"What do you have that they don't? Oh right, a sweet voice and a decent rack. If he wanted eye-candy around, he could have at least picked Romanoff."

I felt my throat constrict at his words. Without being fully conscious of it, my fists curled as a familiar voice began to whisper to me, just below my range of hearing.

"Kill him..."

A sarcastic laugh from Hill shook me out of my trance.

"Grant you really need to get your life in order if you feel threatened by me."

"Oh, I don't feel threatened by you. Not at all. My combat skills are on par with yours if not better-"

"And you wonder why you got marked as having low people skills," Hill remarked sarcastically.

"The only way you would have an edge on me would be by distracting me with your body. And believe me, that's not going to happen. Not unless you get some serious implants."

"Grant, you are really testing my patience. Do you want to quit while you are ahead and get away with just a report? Or would you prefer to keep going and give me a really good reason to kick your ass?"

"Oh, I know when to quit Hill. This was just to let you know that you have some serious thinking to do if you want your staff to cooperate with you. Imagine how it would look if you had to keep dragging Fury down to make people listen to you? What kind of authority would that look like?"

"Get out," Hill said quietly, her voice betraying her insecurity.

"But of course, deputy director. You know best" he said mockingly.

I flattened myself against the wall as his footsteps took him closer to where I was. They stopped just short of coming around the side as he spun around and shot one last jab at her.

"You know I wasn't kidding about the implants. You want people to respect you as a woman in this line of work? You need people to pay attention to you before they listen. Just ask Romanoff, she gets more than enough attention with those catsuits of hers."

My vision turned blurry and red as my fist swung so fast and without warning, I thought I was dreaming. But then pain flared up my arm as blood streamed out of my damaged knuckles. My vision began to clear as his semi-conscious body came into view, blood streaming out of a cut on his forehead.

"Wha- Agent Romanoff? Is that you?" came a voice, drifting in and out of focus.

As I tried to focus on it, I was seized by a sudden sensation of vertigo as my stomach did a triple somersault. With a sense of horror, I felt forced into the backseat as Natalia took the wheel.

No! No! How could this have happened? She couldn't let me enjoy my freedom for a few weeks? She had taken control so easily, why? Was Grant's words the trigger? I didn't have access to all of Natalia's memories yet, perhaps she had held some back to use them to take control.

"What are you doing?" Hill demanded as Natalia straddled Grant and placed her hands around his throat. I could only beat my fists against the wall that separated me from my body as I watched Grant's eyes inflate in shock. I could feel his hands desperately trying to force me off him and yet Natalia was unmoved, clinically watching as the fight began to drain out of him.

"STAND DOWN!"

Natalia tilted her head in amusement as Hill drew her firearm and aimed it at my head. I could faintly see her hands shaking; could she really bring herself to do it?

The moment was broken with Grant giving out a long raspy breath before the fight exited his body. Natalia noted that he was no longer a threat and at that moment I was able to seize back control. She tried to force herself back in but I managed to keep her at bay.

"What the hell is going on?" Hill demanded, keeping her pistol firmly pointed at me.

I opened my mouth to invent an explanation when I felt my stomach writhing. My eyes barely had time to widen before vomit erupted from my mouth, narrowly missing Grant's legs.

"Help me..." I whispered as I recognised the onset of a panic attack.

Hill looked at me apprehensively. I didn't blame her if she didn't believe me. Given my history, she was well within her right to leave me to my torment. That is why it stunned me to see her holster her pistol.

"Stay calm, I'm going to get help!"

I saw Maria take her communicator from her belt and I lunged at her, wrenching it from her grip.

"No! Please no! No one, no one can know about this!" I pleaded before my throat tightened. I grabbed my throat in panic as I was overcome by a sensation of drowning, feeling breathless and faint.

"Wha- what's happening?" She asked as I flopped to the floor and began convulsing.

I tried to answer her but my lungs kept trying to burrow out of my chest. I took a gamble and started signing, hoping I could control my convulsions enough to communicate. It must have worked as I saw her face light up in understanding.

"What do you need me to do? I know how to handle panic attacks. What makes you comfortable? What makes you feel safe?"

Safe?

Comfortable?

I would laugh if I had any oxygen left in my lungs.

These words were alien concepts.

Then I remembered.

"My belt... right side. Doll..." I could barely breathe as black spots danced in my eyesight.

I could feel her hands digging through my belt, my heart rate skyrocketing in fear for allowing her access. Being this vulnerable stood against everything the Red Room had taught.

"Here, is this what you were after?" Hill said gently, lowering her into my arms.

Anna.

Her eyes were a faded blue with ashen blonde hair that was worn and frayed. She was dressed as a ballerina, something that was good. It felt familiar. But it also had a connection to something awful. I just didn't know what. My mind was a mess, an ocean of memories formed under someone else that I was just learning to navigate.

My breath began to recover. Of course, it wasn't perfect. The doll wasn't a cure-all solution But it was better than nothing.

"Natasha?"

My head shot up, my eyes clouded with tears, shocked that she had called me by my first name. My taken name. Her face looked back at me with kindness. How could I have been so judgemental of her all those weeks ago?

"Are you feeling better?"

I choked out a laugh.

"Well, I'm no longer dying so that's something I guess."

Maria sat down beside me and waited. She didn't try to soothe me physically with a back rub which I appreciated. I wasn't someone who responded well to physical affection.

"Anna, my doll... She helps to get me through the worst of it. But she brings her own heap of bad thoughts" I said slowly, the weight of the memories slowing my speech.

"Natasha, if you don't want to tell me-"

"I need to tell you something. I haven't told Clint much either and Fury hasn't called me to fill in my past yet. I need to tell someone or the memories will crush me."

"Nat..."

"Besides, you don't want to be working with a lunatic do you?"

"No one thinks you're crazy-"

"Really? I'm just as well versed in spycraft as the rest of you, if not better. It's not hard missing the various looks and body language. You may as well be talking to my face about it for how subtle you all are."

Maria sits beside me without a word. Her silence spoke volumes.

"My doll Anna was the only piece of myself that I knew to be real. Everything else was designed and crafted by the Red Room. Not sure what your intel is on that place but believe me. Whatever you heard, it was worse."

I realised how silent everything was and how everyone else must have ended their work for the day. It was just me and her.

Plus the unconscious jackass on the floor.

"I bought Anna a few weeks ago. She has been the only thing to bring me peace after what I've been through. My only good memory of the Red Room was performing as a ballerina. It was the only time I wasn't hurting people. It was also who I was before they took me. Before they hurt me. Before they made me into an assassin."

That was all I risked saying. The memories, already straining against the weakened restraints, were threatening to burst free. Given Natalia's earlier stunt, I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that path. It held nothing but danger and pain.

Maria Hill looked at me both in shock and kindness. Her openness in light of my vulnerability stunned me. Normally that would have been taken advantage of but here she was, listening and being a good friend.

Friend? Another alien concept for the list.

"It's okay Natasha. Thank you for opening up, even a little bit. When Director Fury gets around to documenting your past, I'll make sure it's classified at the highest level and only what you want will go in."

"Thank you" I choked out in relief.

She got up and offered me her hand. I eyed it warily, my instincts flaring up before I forced them down and took it, hiding my surprise as she pulled me up.

"You can call on me any time. Coulson, Fury, Barton they will be there for you. But if you need to discuss your past or help with trauma from that, I will always be available to talk."

With that, she turned to leave before spinning on her heel and giving me a grin.

"Oh, and before I forget," she said as she waved her communicator. My eyes flashed down to my palm. I hadn't even noticed her taking it back.

Smart girl.

"Security, could you please come and pick up Grant Ward from the lobby IT room 5? It appears that he slipped and has fallen unconscious after saying some very unfortunate things. Also, send a recommendation to Coulson that Grant will need to be submitted to another psychological evaluation and a round of disciplinary sessions."

She then placed her palm on the communicator and asked me a silent question. I flashed a grin back and nodded.

"The sessions will be overseen by myself and Agent Romanoff. That will be all."

She placed the communicator back in her pocket and motioned me to follow.

"After all that, I need a drink. There's a bar not too far away. Bit pricey but has better clientele than most bars around here. Fancy a drink on me?"

"Sure. Put a vodka down for me."

"Spoken like a true Russian" she laughed.

"You say that like its a bad thing."

"No no! It's fine! I have the greatest respect for the country of Russia."

"Well don't hold your breath, its not all sunshine and rainbows. Mostly just cold and damp."

"Sounds like England."

"On steroids."

"Is that why you chose Natasha? It doesn't sound like a Russian name?"

"I Americanised it."

We walked out of SHIELD in comfortable silence before I sensed her looking at the back of my head.

"What?" I asked in annoyance.

"Were you really going to kill him?" She said quietly.

"Does it matter?" I said quickly before realizing the implications of what I said. Her appalled face spoke volumes. I tried to correct my mistake.

"No, I didn't want to. It's just complicated. I don't fully understand it myself."

"Natasha you need to tell me. This is a liability."

I rounded on her angrily and she took a step back instinctively.

"I thought my past was my own business," I said tightly.

"You must realize that I'm going to have to flag this up for Director Fury. He can't have you being compromised. He's already on thin ice with his superiors for even allowing you to be here."

I gave a sigh of defeat. I couldn't avoid the topic. Instead, I could deflect with something that wasn't necessarily a lie but it certainly wasn't the truth.

"When I was choking Grant, I wasn't really myself. I was me but also not me."

"What?"

"My training in the red room was different compared to the other recruits. While they were more trained for infiltration purposes, I was outfitted for more combat-focused missions. As a result, they injected me with something in 1996. It changed me. Whenever I go into combat, it gives me a thrill. Like adrenaline but far stronger. It's...intoxicating. Imagine how it feels then to kill."

Maria looked at me in a mixture of disbelief and fear. I shouldn't be surprised. I had just described murder as drug addiction.

"Natasha..." her voice came out with a lot more sympathy than I was expecting.

"If you wanted the best excuse for kicking me out, you're welcome. I just gave it to you on a platter."

"No that's not what I meant!" She said fiercely and I found the courage to look at her understanding features.

"You're a good person Natasha."

I turned away in disgust but she grabbed my arm to keep my attention on her.

"You really are. You made yourself vulnerable when I had been nothing but cruel to you. We'll find a way to handle your... condition. But you made the right call coming to us. We'll make sure you stay on the right path."

"Thank you, Maria," I said and her eyes lit up from hearing me say that.

"Besides, Barton and I will kick your ass if you do wander off it."

"You are welcome to try" I invited with a bared grin.

She laughed at that and I joined in too, letting the tension finally dissolve. I had made a genuine friend here. Outside of Clint, who I owed for much more than him recruiting me, she was the only one I felt I could trust.

"So how about that drink?" She said.

"Hell yeah!" I replied and we finally wrapped up our day getting silly drunk at the Edison.


	3. All Good Things must come to an end

_**Present Day- Stark Tower Party**_

_**Natasha's perspective**_

I looked down at the hammer in my hand. My confused face was reflected at me in the shining metal.

"Fucking hell, she actually lifted it!" Steve exclaimed, no one acknowledging his language.

"You happy now Thor? She passed your stupid test?" said Rhodey, his tone caustic.

"With flying colours," Thor said, his jaw hanging wide open.

"As if there was any doubt" Clint grinned.

The multitude of voices all surged around me, overwhelming my senses. I could barely keep track. Tony looked at me with an apologetic face, his words dissolving into meaningless noise. Bruce was still recovering from his earlier outburst, Steve was hugging me, though his body felt alien and immaterial. Thor was joking with Clint, their happiness becoming greyer and more abstract. Maria was looking at me oddly.

Why?

I tuned back in as everyone looked at me.

"What?" I asked dully.

"I wanted my turn in lifting the hammer," Maria said with a grin, though her tone betrayed the concern underneath.

"Huh? Oh, of course" I muttered as I stiffly dragged myself in her direction.

"You don't deserve it..."

She was back. Dear God, she was back! All these years and she had returned! I never should have tried to lift the hammer, never should have engaged Tony. She had used that as a hook and now she was climbing out of the abyss in my mind.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked as I rubbed my head in pain.

"Everything. You are what's wrong. How can you possibly be worthy? A pathetic creature like you!"

Again. She was straining against the locks. Tony and Thor had inadvertently worn them down and now she was vying for control.

"Nothing..." I tried to say. The sooner I got the hammer away from me the better.

"If you insist..."

CRASH!

"What the hell?!" Rhodey shouted as my arm involuntarily twitched and threw the hammer out of the window. Thor quickly extended his hand and Mjolnir returned back to his hand, resting easily in his grasp.

"You know why Natasha. Because unlike you, he earned his place. He's saved the world, he's saved his own multiple times. All you've done is kill. You claim to be different, to have your own code. Yet nothing has changed. SHIELD was HYDRA and you didn't even notice. Why? Because you didn't want to notice."

I visibly shook and Clint took a step forward to try and comfort me. I could see Maria out the corner of my eye, a thoughtful expression on her face. Perhaps she could recognise that something was wrong and she would save me.

Before Natalia drove me over the edge.

"What did you do Thor?" I asked without choice, her poisonous vines seizing my lips.

"What do you mean Lady Natasha?" he said, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"I think she needs a lie-down," Maria said urgently but everyone else was too intrigued to listen.

"I cannot have lifted that on my own. You must have done something, maybe you lifted the lock or-"

"I did no such thing. Mjolnir is many things but she is no liar. She saw into the depths of your soul and recognised your worth."

"Don't lie to me!" I shouted as Natalia injected extra venom into my words.

"Why are you so distressed? Surely you would be happy-"

"Happy?!" I gave out a slightly hysterical laugh.

"Nat, I really think you should come with me," Clint said firmly and Maria nodded in agreement.

I was too far gone now.

"My ledger is far from balanced! It will never be balanced! I've killed people! So many people! I hurt my best friend and I haven't even had the guts to tell him how! I have walked the globe and left a trail of blood that will never leave, no matter how much I try. The blood will always be there, lingering, even as I scrub my skin until its raw."

Silence.

I could see everyone's appalled faces and any hope of leaving tonight with any self-value was lost. I felt defeated, the weight of all my sins made no lighter by confessing. If anything, it felt heavier. My senses began to slow and falter, the room spinning in and out of definition.

"Let me in..."

No, I couldn't...

"Why not? You just gave a grand speech about how much of a shitty person you are. Well done for finally realizing it. Now, how about you embrace it? What's the harm in a little self-indulgence? You're already going to hell, why not have a little fun on the way?"

Tired... I am just so incredibly tired. I'm sick of trying to be good. Of trying to help people. How could anything I do possibly make a dent in my ledger? It was just so hard.

"Why try to fight the inevitable? There is no sense in delaying it. Dread it, run from it... Your past will always be there. Or should I say, I'm here."

With that, she took advantage of my exhausted mental state to take control. I watched in horror as my body began to move without my consent. Never had I been so easily pushed aside.

"Nat? Are you okay?" Tony asked gently, probably feeling like shit for what he said earlier. Not that it mattered to Natalia.

I could already sense what was about to happen.

It made me sick to my stomach.

And that's when I realized something remarkable.

It didn't matter whether my ledger was balanced or not. Or if it ever was. The very act of pursuing redemption was worthy in of itself.

That realization gave me the strength to seize control of my right arm as Natalia raised the Glock 19 pistol that Tony had thrown earlier. I yanked it firmly to the side and the bullet went askew.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tony shouted as he ducked behind the sofa.

Natalia filled my head with red hot irons, branding me. I screamed in agony as she threw me inside a cell in my mind. She had prepared for this moment and was not going to go quietly. I could only watch helplessly now as she raised the pistol again, only for Clint to knock it out of her grasp.

"Restrain her!" Maria shouted in fear, catching onto what was going on and Clint leapt at me. Natalia met him head-on, rolling under his grasping arms and sunk a mean right hook into his side. He went down, winded, as Maria came up behind me. She placed a pistol into the back of my neck, the cold metal a welcome feeling.

Natalia stopped struggling as Clint got to his feet, clutching his side. With a grimace, he got up and approached me. Natalia stared back with a smirk. How was she so confident? She was clearly outmatched. That probably meant she knew something that I didn't. And that thought terrified me.

"Lady Natasha, care to explain what just happened?" Thor asked with an audible tremor. To see the mighty God of Thunder sound so...uncertain was disconcerting.

"Well, I think she just tried to shoot me. Is there any other explanation required?" said Tony, refusing to come out from behind the sofa.

"You know as well as I do Stark it's not that simple," Maria said. Her voice caught on the word know and Tony was not one to miss such a thing.

"Know? Do you have the answer then? What made her flip out like this? You know, this is why we needed to know things like-"

"Uh, guys? I think we have a situation over here!" Rhodey said, his voice rising in pitch.

"Yeah, I think we noticed!" Tony said sarcastically before following his gaze and falling silent.

Natalia allowed her gaze to follow them and what she saw turned my blood cold.

Bruce was cradling his arm in pain as convulsions began to run through his whole body. The very familiar cracking of muscle and bones rang throughout the small space of the tower as his skin darkened to a sheen of green. The blood that ran from the hole in his arm stopped and healed over. Bruce gave me one last look of despair before Hulk was there in his place.

"Oh, shit..." Clint whispered as everyone's attention was drawn to the hulk. However, I was still stuck watching through Natalia's eyes and I could see her reaching for the hairpin. The other hand exposed her thigh and snuck my knife into her palm.

"Thor, secure the Hulk! J.A.R.V.I.S, send down Veronica!" Tony shouted as Steve placed himself firmly between me and the Hulk.

That was when Natalia made her play.

Using Tony's words as a distraction, she plunged the hairpin into Maria's hand. She shouted in pain and released me. Natalia then plunged the knife into Clint as he turned around and thanks only to his excellent reflexes, the blade missed his Aorta. She still drove it with enough force to send him flying back.

She rolled under the table, snatching up the gun still stashed there and bolted behind the couch. She could see Hulk and Thor slugging it out, Mjolnir bouncing off Hulk again and again. Rhodey and Tony had fled the scene, presumably to get their suits online. All that was left was Clint who was likely going to recover from her earlier attack and Maria.

She would do.

Natalia raised the pistol and-

CRASH!

Steve's shield came soaring past my head and hit the wall with an audible bang. Natalia followed its trajectory as it ricocheted back onto Steve's hand. He stood there looking at me with a look of such utter betrayal, it broke my heart.

"Stand down Natasha!" Steve begged.

Natalia responded by holstering the pistol and baring the knife in her hand.

"Please don't make do this, I don't want to hurt you," he said with sadness in his tone.

"I wouldn't stress about it" Natalia grinned back before moving with inhuman speed. She opened with a feinted kick to his leg, redirecting it into his torso when he took the bait. Steve's grunt of surprise shook me. He hadn't expected her to move so fast. And neither did I.

Steve tried to punch me in the stomach, hoping to wind me. He was still trying to hold back. Natalia had no such problem. She easily weaved around his fist and attempted to sink the knife into his neck. His reflexes thankfully kicked in and the knife shattered against the shield he held up.

Without missing a beat, Natalia dropped the broken blade and kicked him in the shin. As Steve went down with a pained grunt, Natalia wrapped her legs around his neck and used her weight to force him to the ground. She applied as much pressure as she could, her thighs choking Steve out.

With a pained gasp, Steve bit down on my leg, his teeth sharp and vicious. Natalia was unperturbed, her pain receptors unresponsive. Steve was beginning to turn purple now.

CRASH!

Natalia was sent flying into the wall. The impact should have sent my nervous system erupting with pain. Yet again, her sense of pain was deadened. She observed her broken bones with as much interest as one would have in a houseplant. Her vision swam yet even then, her skin began to mend with the broken bones realigning themselves.

Even after all these years, I couldn't understand it. A less cynical person would attribute it to a miracle of nature. I was not that person. They did something to me, that night in 1996.

The night I was born into a monsters head.

She got up to see a hulk shaped hole in the wall next to her. Steve had, fortunately (or unfortunately) got tangled in the fight. She could still hear the sounds of extreme violence as Hulk and Thor continued to land blow after blow on each other. She didn't have long before Tony and Rhodey returned. If she wanted her kills, she would have to act fast.

"Natasha stop."

Natalia visibly twitched and turned to see Maria and Clint holding their pistols at me. It hurt her to see them calling her by my name. It validated them as my friends. She had no friends, she wasn't supposed to. She had proven that several times over in the Red Room. They were just another liability now.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't know what's going on but you are clearly not yourself. How about you calm down and we can figure something out?" said Clint.

"Calm down? This is the calmest I have ever been! Do you know how long I've spent inside her head, stuck watching out of my fragile sister's eyes? How much time I've spent planning on how to take you apart? Clint, the man who treats Natasha like the daughter he lost. The partner she would have grown up to be."

Clint stared back, his mouth moving but no words came out. I could already see his mind spinning with the avalanche of information she had just unleashed. I had to stop her before she destroyed my friends, either through combat or words.

"And you Maria. The woman who spends her evenings drowning in work rather than face the reality of a man who didn't return your affections. Consider me impressed, you managed to fool Fury, the Alpha spy, into thinking you were over him. Yet you stood by his side throughout it all, still holding onto the naive hope that he would one day love you."

Maria stared back stony-faced as the grip on her pistol tightened and her knuckles turned ashen white. Then she relaxed and flashed me a smirk.

"I know you, Natalia. Do you think really SHIELD would let you in without doing their homework? We only lied to you to make your transition easier" Maria said.

What?

Her words stabbed at my heart. She knew of Natalia. All these years, after all, I had done, she still didn't trust me. She danced with me, drank with me and cried with me. Yet she knew all along of her existence.

Maybe Natalia was right.

Maybe I would never be free of my past.

Maybe I was just a monster who had dreamt of becoming human.

"You really shouldn't have said that my dear. You've just broken her heart." Natalia said crooning.

"What?"

"Oh, she can still hear us. I haven't been able to be truly free of my weak and feeble sister. But thanks to you, I'm one step closer."

"I won't make that mistake again!" Maria shouted but as she did so, she came over very pale and her grip on the gun shook.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure you won't make one ever again!" Natalia said before firing several shots from the pistol she had palmed at Clint. He ducked under them and rolled towards the couch as Natalia dove towards Maria. I tried to scream at her to take the shot but she just stood there staring.

Why?

My blood turned cold when I saw the hair clip on the floor.

She was paralysed.

"Drop it Hawkeye or she dies!" Natalia shouted as she wrapped her arm around Maria and hid her body behind hers. She placed the other knife at Maria's throat. That way, if anything would cause her to fall, she would cut Maria open like a pig.

Clint glared back with an undying hatred in his eyes before reluctantly lowering his gun. It pained me to see him so hateful towards me. But I suppose it made sense. He finally saw me for who I was.

A killer.

"You won't win Natalia. Whoever you claim to be. She won't let you" Clint said calmly.

"I think she may have some trouble with that considering the paralytic in her system" Natalia smirked.

"I wasn't talking to you"

Oh, Clint...

Even then, he still had faith in me. My heart swelled with love for the man.

But love was for children.

"I'm sorry, were you expecting Natasha to suddenly come to the rescue? She is gone, Barton. She and I are one. What were you hoping to accomplish?"

"A distraction," he said with a smirk.

What?

"Hey, Romanoff? Miss me?" came a very familiar and welcome voice.

Before Natalia could react, Tony wrenched her arm away from Maria, allowing her to fall the floor unharmed. Natalia turned around with her teeth bared and Tony slapped a stunner onto me. It discharged so much electricity into me, it felt like that time in Budapest except twice as intense. Natalia went flailing onto the ground as Tony whipped out handcuffs and bound me.

"You certainly took your time," Clint said with a pained smile.

"Yeah well, I had a hulk smashing up my research department, Steve lying unconscious in the toilet and Rhodey to look out for. Thor's currently keeping an eye on Banner as he's changing back. Natasha's lullaby didn't sound so nice coming from him, which is probably why it took me getting slammed into the floor a couple of times before he went to sleep. At least that's what Rhodey told me. Could have been messing the lines up on purpose just to record me going through the fish tank."

Tony's good-natured smirk faded as he leant down in front of me and stared at Natalia. She stared back coldly, not letting her expression give anything away. Already I could sense the formulation of a plan inside her head. I just couldn't figure out what.

"So what the hell is her deal? You and Maria seemed to have an idea of what's going on before Bruce went King Kong" Tony asked as he stood up, unnerved by Natalia's frigid expression.

Before Clint could respond, Natalia began to cry. Huge sobs that racked my body with grief.

I couldn't understand it, what the hell was her play?

"Please help me... Before she comes back" she begged.

"Who? Who's she?" Tony demanded but Clint paid him no mind. He leant down in front of me and looked at me. His face was hopeful but wary.

"Natasha? Is that you?" he asked cautiously.

I violently shook my head in my mind, trying to find some way to signal to him that it was not me. He was sitting in front of a monster that would tear him apart.

"Yes. That discharge Tony gave me allowed me to seize control but she's not going to be disoriented for long."

"How do I know it's you, Nat?" Clint said, looking so desperate to believe her.

"My necklace... I can tell you where you got it from. I can tell you the exact details of what happened that day. Natalia wouldn't know, I kept her trapped in my mind for a long time. Until today. I'm sorry people got hurt."

"Go on."

"You got me that necklace in Budapest, 2006. We were staking out a market during the height of summer. I was growing restless, the heat getting to me while you were watching alongside me, patient as ever. Eventually, the suspects showed themselves but they split up. I followed the ones on the left and you took the other group. Unfortunately the ones I tailed turned out to be little more than run of the mill thugs. When I came back to the meeting point, you hadn't made it back yet. Several more hours went by and still, you didn't return. I was going out of my mind with worry, an alien feeling at the time because I didn't get attached to people. They would only disappoint me or die, whether that be by my hands or others. Yet I had let you in, thinking you would be different. You came back eventually with a smirk on your face and I threw myself on top of you, raining down punches as I demanded to know where you had been. With a grin, you pulled out a necklace from your pocket and gave it to me. You told me 'whenever I am gone, you wear this and I will always find my way back to you.' I have never taken it off since then."

Silence.

I watched as Natalia drew in a long breath after her account. How could she have known so much? I thought she had been banished during those years. Yet she was still riding along inside me like a tumour.

Clint was looking back at me with tears in his eyes and I felt sick. It was a very convincing account.

The truth often was.

"Well sorry to intrude on memory lane but how are we supposed to just trust that. She tried to kill us!" Tony said, his voice breaking the moment.

"I can prove it!" Natalia said desperately.

"How?"

"In my necklace. There's a container. Inside is all the proof you will need."

Oh my god...

Clint looked at me confused and I begged him to not to listen. But the Budapest story had sold him and he opened the necklace up.

That was when Natalia lunged forward and wrenched it out of his grip with her teeth. The contents were already sliding down her throat before Tony regained control.

"What the fuck was that?!" Tony shouted.

Natalia grinned back, dropping the pretence, and gave out a mad sounding chuckle.

"Thank you, my friends," she said, making sure to emphasise the word friends like she hated the very idea.

"Natalia?" Clint said shocked.

"Who the hell is Natalia?" Tony demanded.

"Thank you for finally letting me be free of this wretched existence. To be forced to watch out of my feeble sister's eyes as she tried so very hard to forget me. Watching her risk herself and me for the sake of the weak and needy. It was disgusting! I felt violated! Well no more!"

She grinned as the cyanide began to work its magic, the poison corrupting and damaging my cells as it worked its way towards my heart.

"What did you do?!" Clint roared as he violently shook her.

"Nothing. Its what you did!" Natalia said as she spat at his face.

"The necklace... It must be some kind of poison!" Tony yelled.

"Now the so-called genius gets it. Seeing my sister work with you as Natalie Rushman was so satisfying to watch. You made her feel so uncomfortable having to work under you. To tolerate your eyes undressing her at a distance. To hide her disgust at your clumsy attempts to flirt. Yet nothing gave me more pleasure than when you asked if there was anything real about her. You shook her up inside. She just tries so hard to be trusted. And you threw it back in her face."

Tony stared back, his mouth agape. He tried to protest but no words came out. Natalia was using the truth and there was no deadlier weapon than that.

"As for you Clint, I am so glad to be rid of you. You were the one to help her banish me. You were responsible for my exile. I'm glad I paid you back for that in 2004. Oh, how I happy I would feel to see your face..."

She tried to keep speaking but the cyanide was close now and all I could see was Tony and Clint's devastated faces as her words turned incoherent before falling silent.

Then the world followed suit.


	4. Chrysalis

_**The Memory Void**_

_**Natasha's perspective**_

I moaned softly as I came to, my head feeling as though a porcupine had made its home there. I felt strange, as though parts of my body that I took for granted were no longer functioning. It all seemed so quiet.

No heartbeat.

None at all.

Was I dead?

"What is this place?" Came a very familiar voice.

I whipped around to see an orb of black and red light hovering before me. It pulsated with what almost could be described as nervous energy.

I could see the world around me, a kaleidoscope of colour and images. Some looked vaguely familiar. Others were completely alien. Some were more abstract, as though they weren't meant to be experienced visually.

"What's going on?" I asked aloud and the orb turned in my direction.

"What the hell are you?" It demanded.

"I could ask you the same question."

"Me? My name is Natalia Alianovna Romanov."

What? She couldn't be here! How could the two of us occupy the same space?

Unless...

"How about you? Identify yourself!"

"What? Is it not clear?"

"Sorry, I don't know many golden orbs. Now I'll ask again nicely. You won't like it if I have to ask a third time."

"Natasha Romanoff."

She moved back with a hiss.

"Impossible! You lie!"

"Believe me, I'm not exactly thrilled with this development either."

"How do I know you are telling the truth?"

"How do I know you are telling the truth yourself? You'll have to take my word for it."

"Not happening. I need to see it to believe it."

"I guess we should take form then."

"How?"

"If this place is what I suspect it is, then all we have to do is think."

With that, I gave it a go.

I imagined the happiest moment of my life, that time during Steve's birthday last year. Everyone was there, even Thor who had managed to convince Odin somehow. Clint was beating everyone in beer pong, Rhoedey was showing off in the war machine while Tony and Bruce were having a fun casual conversation. Something nerdy probably about time dilation judging by the repeated gestures to Tony's watch.

Even Maria and Nick had managed to show up, if only for a few minutes to drop gifts off and say hi. Duty called as it often did.

As for Steve...

He was putting on a brave face for everyone but I could tell he was hiding something. I knew him very well and it didn't exactly take a master spy to see it. Steve was the type of guy to wear his emotions on his sleeve. It was something I would have once seen as a weakness but now its something I considered to be a strength.

I managed to corner him, sitting alone by the pool.

"Why the long face?" I asked and he jumped.

"Don't sneak up on me Nat! You should wear a bell or something!"

"What if I told you I liked sneaking up on people?"

"One of these days, you're going to give this old man a heart attack," he said grumpily.

"We can't have that" I laughed before noting the weariness in his eyes.

"Is it Peggy?" I asked quietly.

He started and looked at me in shock. I simply raised an eyebrow in explanation and he gave out an exasperated sigh.

"Can't have any secrets can I?" he smiled sadly.

"Only the ones I allow you to have. Some things are best not explored."

"You would know."

"Yeah..." I said softly, not letting the discomfort appear on my face. His words hit too close to home.

"I visited her this morning. Figured she might want to see me on my birthday" Steve said, stroking his drink absentmindedly.

"How was she?"

"I couldn't get in. Her room was out of bounds and doctors were in the progress of moving her onto a stretcher."

"Jesus Steve. I'm so sorry" I whispered and took his hand in mine. He paid it no attention, just stared into the pool as though life's answers were hidden there.

"I just stood there, shocked. She was choking, struggling for air. I saw her cough up blood Nat!"

"Jesus, it was that bad?"

"Yes. She saw me for a split second before they took her away. She looked at me. There was nothing. No recognition. She looked right through me."

"Steve..."

"She had always managed to remember me before. In a way, I was cheering her up every time I visited. It was a fresh experience for her. Now I couldn't even do that for her."

"Don't blame yourself. Alzheimer's is an incredibly cruel disease."

"I know. With how old she's getting and how much worse her condition is getting..."

"I know."

"I-I don't know how much-how much time she-"

Steve broke down crying, unable to finish the thought. I rubbed his back, trying to find the right words. I couldn't find any. I never knew my parents and I still didn't have the courage to search for them. I never had any other relatives either. The Avengers was my only family. I couldn't imagine losing them.

I leant back in thought as I watched the others through the window. There they all were, smiling and cracking laughs. Yet beneath the joy, you could see the subtle signs of wear and tear. The years had begun to take its toll on us. Yet that didn't get them down.

"Steve... I wish I knew what to say. I wish I could find the words to make it all better, to make the pain go away. We both know that won't happen. All I can offer you is support. People die and it's sad. Nothing can change that. But that's life."

"So what am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?" Steve asked, looking at me for the first time. I gently smiled back.

"Some things can't be fixed, Steve. And that's okay. All we can do in life is react. Some people react badly and create pain for others. I should know. Others react by making the world just a bit brighter for others before they go. Only you can choose Steve. Are you going to choose to take this lying down? Or are you going to get off your ass and enjoy yourself?"

Steve looked at me riveted. I hadn't expected the sincerity of my words to sound so... convincing. It seemed real, even to me. Was I actually becoming better?

"Well then Natasha, how about we get started?" Steve asked with a grin as he stood up.

"What do you have in mind?" I grinned back.

"Oh, I know just the thing!"

With that, he gave me a shove and I fell into the pool. I surfaced, spluttering as everyone poured out to see what the commotion was about.

"Oh tell me you didn't!" Tony said with an excited laugh.

"What?" Steve asked innocently.

"He is super dead" Clint grinned as I swam over to the side of the pool where Steve was standing.

"OH NO, YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" I screamed in delight as I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in.

"Help me, she's trying to kill me!" Steve laughed as I splashed him furiously.

Thor's eyes lit up with a mischevious twinkle.

"DID SOMEONE SAY GET HELP?" Thor bellowed as he spread his arms and charged at the group.

"Oh no, don't you da-" was all Bruce could say before Thor hit them and they all went flying into the water.

It was one of the best memories of my life. Just my family and me having a good time. I imagined how I looked back then, in a comfortable jacket, tank top and jogging bottoms. The party was informal after all and no one was going to criticise what I wore to my face.

I came out of that memory to see Natalia emerging from a sphere of light. I glanced behind me to see a very similar sphere closing behind me.

My hypothesis was becoming more likely.

Natalia was dressed in full combat gear, her body rigged with weapons. Behind her, as the sphere closed, I could make out the screams of people dying in agony as she sang a happy tune.

She stopped dead upon seeing me, her face morphing from that of shock before moving onto anger and finally a relaxed sneer.

"So, it would seem you are telling the truth. You are indeed Natasha Romanoff. The baggy clothing would do nothing to attract a mark and its impractical for holding weaponry. Only you could be so sloppy."

"Or you know, it's comfy. It makes me feel good" I shrugged nonchalantly.

My words seemed to confuse her. Why?

"So we seem to be who we claimed to be. What now? How do you explain what's going on? And don't lie to me Natasha, you won't like what happens if you do" Natalia said, her hand drifting to the knife on her belt.

"Lie? You still believe you could even detect that. We are both born liars Natalia, like it or not. And I know that face. We both do."

"Oh really? I'm willing to bet you've let your lying skills aren't as refined as you believe. You've managed to do that for everything since you stole my body away from me. I could have executed Barton and the rest in seconds if you hadn't let your skills slip."

"Prove it then."

Natalia flashed me a cocky grin before straightening and looking me right in the eye.

"I am jealous of you," she said.

It was subtle, I gave her that. Anyone else would be forgiven for missing it.

But I knew that face.

Her left eye twitched ever so slightly and seemed to focus a little more than her other eye. It was as though it dared me to question her, hypnotising me with her intense stare.

"I could tell you were lying. Partly from the fact it was such an unrealistic statement. The left eye twitch is your giveaway. Its barely noticeable so you're good to go for most people. But not me."

Natalia looked back at me with her features impassive. Then I saw something. It was so sudden, I thought I had imagined it. I could have sworn I saw her throat clench at my words. I dismissed it out of hand.

"Now you," Natalia said.

"My favourite colour is yellow," I said, knowing her telltale sign and trying to mitigate it.

"Oh, you poor darling. Was my lie too big for you to match? Of course, yellow is not your favourite colour, you would look awful in it. Besides, you looked away for a split second and you hid your mouth with your hand."

I looked down, not even realizing that it had subconsciously crept up to conceal my mouth.

Traitor.

"I was right. You really have let yourself go, haven't you? Sloppy. Irresponsible. Weak" Natalia hissed, emphasising each word with a step forward until she was right in my face.

"Or maybe I've become a better person. More open and honest. Ever think about that?" I stood my ground, staring her down.

"Better? How? By 'saving' people?" Natalia laughed in my face and made to slap me. Her hand passed right through.

"Yes. By saving people. Good people who deserve to live their lives in peace. Free from fear. Free from want" I said, smirking each time her hand went through my face. For all of her bravado, she was a little slow on the uptake.

"What have you done? Why can't I touch you?" Natalia growled, growing increasingly more agitated.

"Oh I didn't know you felt that way about me," I said and her face flushed scarlet.

"Must everything be a constant joke to you?!"

"No? Not interested? Not even a little bit?"

"Shut up and tell me what's going on!"

"No."

"TELL ME!"

"Not until you calm down and apologise."

"What?"

"Apologise."

She looked at me furiously and pulled out the pistol in her holster. She unloaded the entire magazine into me as I stood there waiting. She tossed the gun to the floor and made to strike me before visibly restraining herself. I watched her swallow her anger and calm herself down. It was quite amusing to watch.

"I'm sorry," she said reluctantly.

"Use my name."

"What?"

"I have a name."

"What does that have to do with-"

"Say it."

"I'm sorry Natasha."

"Thank you. Apology accepted" I said, thrilled at my victory.

"Now can you please explain what's going on?"

"What do you last remember?"

"I remember trying to kill the Avengers. Those goody little two shoes who do more harm than-"

"After that," I interrupted, not letting her rile me up.

"I swallowed the cyanide in the necklace," she said slowly before her eyes widened.

"No, we are not dead. At least I don't think we are" I said, cutting her off before she could go there.

"Then what?"

"The cyanide you took was weak. Expired. I had meant to replace it weeks ago but those raids on HYDRA bases kept pushing the date back. They also helped me to forget why I needed it. I was doing good."

"And?"

"The cyanide probably knocked us unconscious. This place is like a dream state, a representation of my memories."

"Your memories?" Natalia asked disbelievingly.

"It's my head, I would say they are mine."

"Even the ones where I was in control. Because you know what I did will be your fa-"

"I know. I take responsibility for them. I failed to stop you."

"Stop me? From accomplishing my missions? From changing the world for the better? The people I killed were scumbags. Paedophiles. Abusers. Monsters. I did the world a favour!" Natalia shouted.

"What about the people who took their place when they were gone? They were often loyal to or were themselves HYDRA!"

"Who cares? They were going to make the world a better place. And if they didn't? Who would notice a difference? Just another set of fanatics with a different set of books."

"What about the people who got in the way?" I demanded and Natalia shifted in what could possibly be described as discomfort.

"Collateral damage," she said dismissively.

"Try telling their families that."

"What? Like you?"

My lips froze in shock.

Clint.

"Well-" I tried to answer.

"You are afraid that he will kill you. That or never want to see you again" Natalia finished.

"That was you, not me!" I shouted angrily.

"What happened to you taking responsibility?"

"I'm sick of it!"

She fell back in shock as I strode up to her. I felt invigorated, as though I had finally reached enlightenment.

"I've been torturing myself for the entirety of my existence, blaming myself for your crimes. I had convinced myself that if I had been stronger if I had been better, I would have stopped you. Well no more! I have become a better person. I have made myself become a better person. You know why?"

I gestured to the void around me and a memory materialised in a glowing sphere. It showed that memory again, me and the rest of the gang splashing in the pool laughing.

"The Avengers you so despise? They made me better. They made me want to be better. They succeeded at that. But what they couldn't do was teach me to love myself. So that's what I'm doing. I love myself so much. I'm funny, I'm snarky and I love to dance."

I jabbed my finger at her as she stood there stone-faced.

"You are the worst part of me and the funny thing is, you're not me. You are just cancer inside of me. I came into this world in 1996 as nothing more than an observer. A voice in the back of your head. Yet I have grown into something greater. When they injected you with that serum, they may have created the perfect assassin. They also gave you your greatest weakness... and your eventual salvation."

I threw up my arms as I delivered the killing blow.

"It was your head once Natalia. You had your fun. But I'm in control now. When I wake up, you will be little more than an angry voice chattering away in the back of my head, just like before. This head is like a throne. You believe it is yours by birthright. It is mine because I serve the people I am pledged to protect. My family."

I took a step back, feeling both drained and energised by my confession. It took years of pent up frustration, anger, grief and even more complex emotions that I couldn't pinpoint. But I did it.

Natalia broke me out of my moment with a chuckle.

Then another one.

Then another.

Gales of laughter came spilling out of her and I could only watch appalled as she hugged her sides.

"What?" I asked in annoyance.

She held up a finger as she tried to recover her breath. I watched as she calmed down and looked at me with a look of pity on her face. The type you would give to a child with special needs.

"Oh, that's rich!" Natalia finally said as her breathing calmed down.

"What is?"

"All of it! Do you really believe that you are so innocent in all of this? Or that I am just a bastion of evil? Natasha Romanoff, the woman infamous for walking the tightrope of moral ambiguity finally goes legit? Give me a break."

"Natalia-"

"Do you seriously think I've not done nice things as you put it? I may not be all sunshine and rainbows. And sure I've kicked the odd dog in the street. Though I will say that mutt usually had it coming. But I've had my share of good moments."

"As if that outweighs all the horrible shit you've done."

"Where do you think it came from? No one just starts out evil, you should know that Natasha."

"Is this where you're going to give me some sort of tragic backstory? Because if you are, let me stop you right there. I may have only been a passenger but I believe I've seen all I need to know" I said, turning my back on her.

"Really? So how about before 1996 before I even existed?"


	5. Friend Or Foe?

_**Stark Tower- Present-day Aftermath**_

_**Clint's perspective**_

I gazed at Natalia's unconscious form on the ground. She lay still, deathly still her face looking so serene. It stood in stark contrast to the mess of the room. There was blood still leaking from my upper arm from when she tried to stab me. Maria was lying on the ground paralysed, a hulk shaped hole in the wall and the sofa was shredded.

I really liked that sofa.

I was aware that I was focusing on mundane things, trying to distract myself from what was going on.

Shock.

That's what it was.

Shock at the fight of course. It was only natural after coming down from an adrenaline high. But there was also the fact that my best friend just tried to kill me in cold blood. Funny how that simple fact turned my entire world upside down.

"Clint? Clint! Get your head back in the game!" Tony shouted.

"Huh?" I said as my eyes focused on his face. It was covered in sweat but what struck me were his eyes. They shone with an intense glare that could almost be described as manic.

"We need to get her to a doctor before its too late!" Tony said with desperation.

"We can't bring her to a hospital" I argued as Tony lifted her limp body into his arms.

"What?"

"If this Natalia persona or whatever it is takes control, who knows what could happen? We can't endanger other peoples lives."

"She's our friend! I can't abandon her to die! Not when it's my fault that this happened!"

"Stark-"

"If I hadn't pushed her if I hadn't brought up her past, none of this would have happened!"

"We can't focus on that right now. Self-pity won't save her. How about we keep this in the tower?"

"Treat her here?"

"How's the damage?"

"Largely here and the research departments. The medical suite where you were earlier this week should still be intact."

"Let's get her there then."

"But we don't know how to-"

"Focus on one step at a time Stark. We'll save her. I know we will" I said firmly.

Tony swallowed before slowly nodding.

With that, we took off. I swung the door open as I got the bed ready. Tony laid her down onto the bed, her petite form looking for all intents and purposes like a doll. Her breathing seemed highly erratic, I had no idea how much longer she could have.

"We need to find a way to help her we just can't sit here and watch!" Tony said as he paced in frustration.

"I know but without knowing what's wrong with her-"

"Hey guys I'm back!" called a voice.

Helen?

"Woah what kind of party game did I miss? The place looks like a bomb hit it!" Helen called as I heard her heels clicking on the floor.

"We need you in the medical suite right now!" I shouted in urgency.

"Really? I wasn't gone for long what could you have possibly-"

Her voice trailed off as she entered the room. Her eyes swept over my concerned face, my bloodied arm and Tony sitting in the corner with his face in his hands. Her eyes then focused on Natasha lying unconscious on the bed and her eyebrows shot up.

"What the hell?" she whispered.

"She's alive. For now. But she ingested some kind of poison or drug and we think it was intended to be fatal." I said and her face lost the confusion.

"How long?" She asked as she went straight to business and began examining Natasha.

"About ten minutes ago. It was contained in this necklace" I said as I held it up. She looked at it in interest before she opened up Natasha's mouth and induced some saliva into a bottle.

"Can I help? I need to help" Tony said as he slowly got up and looked at me with a gaunt look on his face.

"You can help keep her airways open. She's going to need all the oxygen she can get. I'm going to test this sample to determine what did this to her. Hopefully, I'll have an answer in around two minutes and I can get around to treating her. Given the size of the necklace, there are only so many options that could have induced such an effect."

I stroked the curls from Nat's face as Tony opened her mouth and kept her nostrils open. Her eyelids fluttered as her eyes rapidly moved underneath, suggesting some pretty serious brain activity. I wondered what she was thinking about. What's more, who was in control?

Natasha, the woman I loved as my partner and anchor?

Or Natalia?

There was so much about this situation that didn't make sense. Natalia being the elephant in the room. Who was she? What drove her to attack? Could she be reasoned with or removed?

I had always suspected there was more than Natasha was letting on. She had dropped various hints during the rare occasions she opened up. It frustrated me to know so little I was sure I could help her. But I respected her privacy. I knew what it was like to bury memories.

What concerned me the most was Hill. She knew Natalia, which meant that Fury knew as well. My clearance was pretty high within SHIELD. Hill and Fury were the only ones above me save for a few. Yet even they neglected to tell us.

I felt my fists curl. They had endangered our lives by engaging in this secrecy. They had inadvertently helped Natalia break free. If we had known, maybe we would have been better prepared, maybe we wouldn't have pushed her.

Maybe.

That didn't change what happened. Nat was dying and there was nothing I could do.

"Good news guys. She's not dying" Helen declared as she finished testing the sample of saliva.

"What?" I asked in disbelief, not daring to believe it.

"My testing shows that the substance was cyanide. Thankfully it was expired and it instead knocked her out. She should be awake in a few hours with some nasty headaches but she will recover."

"She'll be okay?" Tony whispered as his hands went limp.

"Absolutely take my word as a doctor. Of course, it would be best to keep her here for observation. Whatever the strain of cyanide, it still impairs the breathing so I'll set up an oxygen concentrator and hook her up."

Tony and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and collapsed on the seats nearby. Now that Nat's health was in safe hands, my mind began to drift to Natalias words.

Her talk of Lily.

All these years later and her death still felt raw. She was barely four years old when she was taken from me. Four years of age. Too young. Too young for anyone to have died. She threw me off course, sent me looking for answers that the universe didn't hold.

It put a serious strain on Laura as she had to deal with the loss of our daughter but also me as I withdrew into my grief. I abandoned both my work and her as I collapsed deeper into the black pit of despair. It took a lot of coercion and threatening from Fury to get my ass back in gear.

That and meeting Natasha.

She was like Natalia said, the partner Lily would have grown up to be. Fiercely intelligent, reliable, a sharp wit, warm when it counted and someone who you could trust. It was a strange business operating as an agent. Trust was a constant issue. Yet, ironic given her past, she was the one person I trusted most in the world.

Even more than Laura.

I tried to protect her from the horrors of the world. Lily was one of the rare occasions where the horror had come to us. On the other hand, Nat had endured the worst life had to offer and came out the other side stronger than ever. If I had to walk into hell, it would be her I trusted to have at my side.

I smiled softly to myself as I recalled how we first met. If first impressions were anything to go by, it wasn't exactly a match made in heaven.


	6. Once Stung, Twice Shy

_**Flashback- First encounter with Black Widow**_

_**Clint's perspective**_

It was the early hours of the morning 6th February 2005 when I got the call.

I was in the firing range, practising shot after shot. Not that it mattered of course. Bullet after bullet found its mark dead centre in both the heart and head regions. While my proficiency was and always will be my bow, the sounds of the guns discharging were soothing. It helped to drown out the images of that night.

Laura was clinging to my side laughing, her hair smelling of strawberries. A stupid grin was no doubt plastered all over my face as well. A good night out, enjoying the delights of Syndey as a couple. It was well overdue with the busy job of looking after Lily and work. Thankfully my services were no longer in demand as much and, after some negotiation with Fury and Williams, I was able to secure a break in Australia.

Jack Williams was a good friend, a native of Australia. He generously offered his home for us to stay in rather than pay for a hotel. He lived alone as the strains of the job often took its toll on his frequent but failed relationships. He was the one who introduced me to SHIELD and he had my back throughout my service. Whether that was helping to thwart assassination attempts such as that scumbag Marcus Scarlotti or defending my actions when I played loose with the rules.

Tonight, probably upon seeing our drained faces, he suggested that we take a night out for ourselves and that he would watch Lily. Though Laura was unsure I trusted him and Lily liked him well enough.

We had a delicious meal overlooking the bay, reminding me of our first date. We talked, we laughed and we cried. We were finally able to relax and be the married couple we were supposed to be. No SHIELD. Just us. We strode through the city, arm in arm as we drank the sights in.

It was perfect.

But like all dreams, we had to wake up and face the music eventually.

There was nothing immediately wrong when we got back. The lights were out which made sense as we enforced a strict bedtime schedule for Lily. It was odd that Jack went to sleep so early but Lily was an energetic child. She probably tired him out.

I kissed Laura goodnight as I left her to get ready for bed. I went to go find Jack to thank him for babysitting Lily and found the door to his bedroom ajar. I walked into the worst nightmare of my life.

Lily was lying on the bed cuddled up with Jack. My mind, regrettably, went in the obvious direction and I strode in intending to demand an explanation from him. Then I saw it. Eight black legs crawling over his face, its bulbous black body holding the signature red hourglass.

A Black Widow. Or as Jack would call it, a redback spider.

That's when I noticed that neither Jack or Lily were breathing.

"No! Oh God no!" I remembered screaming as I crushed the hateful thing in my palm before falling to my knees. I just knelt there sobbing as Laura came in. Her own cries felt empty, meaningless. I don't even remember when she called the ambulance. I could barely bring myself to move when they took their bodies away.

I was later told that it was bad luck.

Bad luck.

Redback spiders rarely left their webs they told me. The female venom was potent and could kill children, elderly and even adults if they were ill. Jack was later found to have been recovering from Malaria, leaving his immune system vulnerable. Lily... well a four-year-old wouldn't stand a chance.

Bad luck.

Those two words tasted foul on my tongue. I didn't believe in luck. I had slipped up, failed in my duty as a father. To protect my child. The universe had seen fit to punish me.

Of course, Fury couldn't have one of his best operatives being compromised. He tried everything, from shrinks to easy assignments. Nothing worked. Only time could heal this wound.

Only, as I was about to find out, we didn't have that time.

"Agent Barton" came his voice from the shadows of the firing range.

I let loose a fast barrage of bullets, two to the chest and three between the eyes. The formation was a reliable method of dealing with tough opponents. It required excellent marksmanship, rate of fire and recoil control. Attributes that weren't exactly a problem for me.

"Excellent shooting," Fury said approvingly as he came forward into the light. I could see him holding a file in his hand and I shook my head in disappointment.

"Thank you, sir," I said simply before loading another magazine.

"I thought you favoured a bow. Our techs not giving you enough tools to work with?"

"Oh, believe me, Arya and I are doing just fine," I said with a small grin as I gestured to my bow sitting on the sidelines.

"She has a name now? Should I tell Laura that you have a new woman in your life?" Fury asked with a good-natured chuckle.

"Please don't. I can barely sleep as it is, being on the couch will make it so much worse."

I continued shooting as I tried to ignore the reason why he was here. It was clear that he was trying to get me back in the field again. I just didn't think I was ready. It was hard to pinpoint why it was just too closely associated with that night. The night I lost her.

I could feel Fury's gaze burning a hole in the back of my neck and I reluctantly set the gun back in its compartment.

"You have a mission for me I take it?" I asked wearily and he looked at me with a pitying look in his eye.

"Yes, I do."

"Pardon my curiosity but why come to me directly? You appearing in person won't make me any more willing."

"That's not why I'm here," he said with what sounded like trepidation in his tone. I turned to face him fully. Fury was a hard man to scare so to see him look so unnerved was disconcerting.

"This needs to stay strictly between us. No council or the undersecretary. Not even Hill or Coulson can know the true details of what's been going on. I'll bring them up to speed once the asset is back in custody."

"Asset?"

"A critical SHIELD asset has been stolen from the Argus installation."

"Argus? I thought that place was just an urban legend."

"We've both been in the business too long to dismiss things as urban legends."

"So what's my objective? Retrieval? What could possibly be so valuable as to warrant such secrecy?"

Fury held out the file in his hands and I eyed it warily. Accepting it would be tantamount to accepting the mission. Once I knew what was in there, I couldn't back out. I would be compromised and yet I felt compelled to continue.

"This is the Tesseract," Fury said as he gestured to the blue cube depicted in the file. I skim read the details which were surprisingly light for a declassified file.

"Looks like a Christmas decoration. What's it worth?" I asked nonchalantly. His eye glinted dangerously back.

"A lot Barton. You don't need to know the full details but all you need to know is that in the wrong hands, it could start a war."

"You would think something like this would have been a lot harder to steal."

"You're telling me. I've been chewing out the security chief in charge of Argus installation less than an hour ago. He swears on his life that his security was airtight."

"Surely there must have been some clues left behind?"

"Very few I'm afraid. Several guards were found dead with their throats slit. The cameras showed absolutely nothing wrong which makes me suspect that our thief wiped themselves from the footage. Given the high turnover rate for the staff, it could have been any of them or neither of them."

"Am I fishing then?"

"We did find something for you to work with. We put out feelers for our agents in deep cover and Agent May reported a team of mercenaries being deployed to Sao Paulo. Estimated time of arrival is 24 hours. She noted that they were carrying equipment specifically designed to handle the Tesseract."

"If we can't track the thief, we track the buyers," I said slowly before nodding in approval.

"Correct. That should lead us to the Tesseract."

"How are we running this?"

"I have a Quinjet fueled up and ready for deployment. You will have a strike team to support you but the details of the asset will remain strictly with you. This is a covert op, off the grid. Given the security at Argus installation and how easily it got stolen, I am not happy. Either we got seriously sloppy or we have traitors within our ranks."

"And if its neither of those options?"

"Then our thief has just hit the top of my shit list."

I looked at the file in my hand, the image of the cube looking so innocuous. It didn't have to be me. Laura needed me. At least that's what I told myself. It didn't explain why I had snuck out for some time at the firing range. Probably because I already knew the answer.

"I give up. I'll take the mission" I said with a sigh and Fury's expression didn't change. He knew I would accept, of course, he did.

"Excellent. Do not attempt to contact me unless you have the asset in hand or something went very wrong. I'm scheduled for a meeting with the council and undersecretary today and I don't want them interfering."

I tilted my head in acknowledgement and he left, gesturing me to follow. He led me to the Quinjet and, with a solemn wave, I was in the air to Sao Paulo.

"Clint?" came a voice and I got a good look in the interior for the first time.

Assembled was the strike team Fury had promised. The members were on rotation due to how often their services were required and not everyone could be available at any given time. I counted twelve members, only three of which I knew.

Alfred Rose was an African American man who was tall and heavy set. His nose looked like it had been broken multiple times and his face had clearly met the broken end of a bottle one too many times. He wasn't exactly a friend given his reserved nature but he was reliable.

Anna Goldcrest was a petite Korean lady and was a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, she was a great friend to hang out with during the downtime of missions. She had a sharp wit and an outrageous sense of humour. However, she was rather volatile during missions and could often be a risk to both herself and her teammates. Jack had managed to keep her reigned in when he was the Strike team commander.

The one who had called me though was Bruce Hawthorne. A tried and true Virginian marine who had transferred to SHIELD after a dispute with the US brass. From what I gathered, he took a stand when it came to following orders and killing civilians. When they spat him out with a dishonourable discharge, SHIELD welcomed him with open arms.

"Hey man, good to see you!" I said with a welcoming smile, managing to put my discomfort at ease.

"Haven't seen you around for a while. What happened?" He asked with concern in his eyes.

I looked at him and the sad look in my eyes told him all he needed to know. He let it go and sat back down without a word.

"Well look who it is. The famous Hawkeye" came an unfamiliar voice. My gaze focused on the man descending from the cockpit. He was of medium build, lithe but strong. His posture practically breathed charisma and I could sense the tension in the air as everyone looked away.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we've been introduced," I said cautiously.

"I'm insulted!" he said with a mock cry before grinning and taking my hand and shaking it. His grip was firm but soft as though he wanted to communicate confidence but not arrogance.

"My name is Brock Rumlow. I'm the Strike teams commander for most operations now."

No wonder the others were avoiding my gaze. It made sense that Jack had to be replaced. I was just denying it. Seeing this Brock person standing here now where Jack was supposed to be was disorienting. The world didn't make sense.

"Good to meet you," I said, trying to hide the pain in my tone and failing.

His face dropped the grin and he looked at me in pity.

"Look, man. I ain't stupid. I know what happened to Jack, had to if I was going to replace him. He was a good man, the best of the best. I know it will take time trusting me but I promise you, I will not do a disservice to his memory."

"Thank you. I know I'm not being fair" I tried to apologise but he was having none of it.

"No need to be sorry. Grief is often irrational and destructive. Believe me, I know" he said with a sad look in his eye and I understood the subtext. It didn't need saying.

I nodded and sat down next to Anna and Bruce. For the remainder of our journey, I sat mostly in silence as they joked and played cards with each other. I picked up a few names here and there such as Jada Marks and Brock's second in command Trevor Croal. They seemed competent enough. I hoped they were as prepared as Brock promised.

Pretty soon though, everyone began to lapse back into silence. Brock had given me the briefing just to refresh my memory and although they didn't know everything, they all knew something was very wrong.

"Can't believe they pulled it off" Brock muttered to himself as we came close to our destination. The others were getting some shut-eye before the big day.

"Hmm?" I asked as I joined him near the cockpit.

"Someone broke into Argus installation and didn't leave so much as a trace?"

"Well, there were the dead guards for one-"

"Right but that felt like more of a statement."

"What do you mean?" I asked with my brow furrowed. We kept our voices low as to not disturb the others.

"You know how well guarded Argus is?"

"Not exactly. Didn't serve a detail there."

"Well, the assets they keep there are high value. So pretty much any break-in or security breach, they call us."

"Makes sense. So what does this have to do with a statement?"

"In the year since I have served as commander of the Strike team, I have only been called in once. And that's remarkable given how much we are in demand. I've checked the history as well. Argus is right at the top for secure SHIELD facilities."

"So you're saying that you have experience with Argus installation?"

"The only time we were called in was when a terrorist group had laid siege to the building. Some middle eastern cell, not exactly big fish but probably the cat's paws of a larger organisation."

"When was this?"

"Eight months ago. I got to see Argus's security up close when we were sent to deal with it. Absolutely top of the line. The most sophisticated and secure computer network out there, regular security sweeps, the most thorough vetting process I've seen-"

"What's your point?"

"Fury was rather light on the details. Makes sense given the nature of Argus but what he did tell me was that there was virtually no evidence left behind."

"Yeah, our thief probably wiped themselves from the footage."

"Aside from the fact that they managed to hack into the most secure computer network in the world, they also somehow managed to evade the roving security patrols, security locks and god knows what else. If you can do all that, why bother leaving corpses? Surely you would want to conceal that?"

"I suppose," I said as I began to join the dots.

"They left the corpses because they wanted us to know. They wanted us to know that we are vulnerable, that they can hit us right where we live and we wouldn't be able to stop a future attempt."

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed to the annoyance of the rest of the team as they stretched and awoke.

"Anyway, that's just my working theory. Could be completely off the mark" Brock said as he turned away. I grabbed his arm and he looked at me in confusion.

"Don't sell yourself short. It was a great observation. You would make Jack proud."

Brock's cheeks flushed red at my words and gave me a strong handshake.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me."

The pilot turned around in her seat and informed us that we would be landing shortly.

"Okay boys and girls! Time to suit up! Grab your gear, check your ammo and for god's sake watch your asses! I am not in the mood to be explaining any injuries to Fury when we get back and I swear to God if any of you die out there, I'll reanimate your corpse and kill you again!" Brock barked as the team gave a resounding affirmative.

"Interesting command style" I noted as he checked his gear.

"It works," he said simply as the Quinjet finally set down.

"So what's the plan?" He asked me as we all filed out.

"Me?"

"Director Fury has tasked you with retrieving the asset. We are here for support. You do your job and I'll do mine. So what's our move?"

"Stakeout. We have maybe six hours before our buyers are supposed to meet with the thief. We have several possible meeting points which means that they probably sent out decoys. Until they arrive, we're going to have to treat each spot as a possibility."

Brock nodded and began to give orders to his team. I grabbed Arya from the Jet and dressed myself to look inconspicuous in the city. I made sure to grab the photograph of my family. It always helped me out on missions, no matter how sentimental that sounded. It always helped to know what you were fighting for.

"What's our policy on the radio?" Bruce asked.

"Rock music only, none of that classical crap" Anna interjected and the team began to bicker like toddlers.

"Stow it, Anna!" Brock said calm but firm.

"Set your channel to 2124. Speak only if you have something to report. And no, toilet breaks don't qualify Anna. Yellow light for possible identification and be on alert to meet. Green light for positive identification and everyone should converge" I said and everyone nodded.

Gone were the jokes and banter now all I could see were serious faces looking back at me. With a final nod, we all went our separate ways, each converging on our chosen stakeout location.

I had chosen the abandoned warehouse just beside the Hospital Sírio-Libanês. The high quality of the care provided meant that it was well-trafficked and thus easier to allow our prey to blend in. Officially it wasn't one of the meeting spots but I had a hunch and I had come this far by relying on it.

I perched myself up on the rooftop overlooking the streets below and waited.

I smelled a rat with the whole set up, the decoys were looking to be a more likely explanation with every passing second.

The hours came and went as the sun rose on a brand new day. My muscles were beginning to cramp from the strain but my focus was unshaken. As the estimated meeting point approached with no reports from the other team members, I tried to identify the possible thief.

I had nothing to go on but given the nature of the break-in at the Argus facility, I was expecting quite an impressive specimen. That man crossing the street to avoid a street beggar looked to be a strong candidate. He was well built, imposing and carried a dangerous air about him. He would be my suspect.

Then he began to loudly berate the beggar for following him and I shook my head. Too loud and attracted too much attention. Didn't have good disengage skills either as the beggar was thrown to the floor and the man barged past people as he swore loudly and colourfully.

Another man followed ten minutes later who could be the thief. He was small and wiry, unassuming on first glance. Probably a great asset in his line of work. However, he confirmed my suspicions but not in the way I had hoped. I watched as he accidentally bumped into a woman and apologize. She swore at him before going on her way, failing to notice him pocketing her purse after his collision.

Petty street thief.

Another loss.

The meeting time was fast approaching and still no sign of the mercs or the thief. I gazed desperately at the radio. Surely I must have missed something? I looked at the photograph I had brought with me. What would Laura think of me? What would Lily think?

My eyes drifted back when I saw her.

Her gorgeous green eyes drew me to her. Lily had green eyes and it was a source of constant amusement that my blue eyes and Laura's brown eyes resulted in green. As though she was too good to take after either of us.

She was petite, dark-skinned and looked like a local businesswoman. She was surprisingly well built for one though perhaps she was a gym rat. She was walking in blue high heels, a pencil skirt and white blouse with her hair tied in a simple ponytail. Her black hair was well brushed but on closer inspection lacked the shine of higher business executives. She walked with a timid posture, her arms wrapped around her as she carried a briefcase.

I wondered whether Lily would have been in that woman's shoes. Dressed up and ready for her first day of work. Of course, that no longer mattered now. I shook my head sadly. Here I was projecting my dead daughter onto a stranger. I was really losing it.

I laughed softly to myself before I realised I had lost sight of the woman. Frowning, I lean over the side of the warehouse to see her hurriedly entering the building. She had no business here which meant that perhaps her fear was less to do with work and more to do with the transaction at hand. She was probably a proxy or intermediary for the thief.

I noticed several men also enter the warehouse from the other end and my pulse skyrocketed.

"Yellow light, possible meeting point established" I whispered into the radio. I awaited confirmation but I got nothing.

Why?

"You have the asset?" asked one of the men who I presumed to be the leader.

"Yes," she said with a quivering voice as she opened the briefcase. Even from my perch on the roof, I could see the blue glow of the Tesseract. It hurt to look at and I could see the damage it was causing to the briefcase.

"Green light, I have a positive ID of both the asset and the targets. Confirm please!" I whispered urgently into the radio and still nothing.

What the hell was going on?

"Excellent, our superiors will be pleased," said the leader as she closed the briefcase and handed it over. The men behind him got their equipment out, presumably to contain the Tesseract and calm it down.

"Wait is that all?" asked one of the other men.

"What is it Karl?" the leader said with an irritated voice.

"I flew to this godforsaken city just to pick up a glowing cube? This is not worth the money I signed up for!"

"Let it go, Karl, we have our orders."

"I think we deserve a little compensation," Karl said with a lick of his lips as he eyed up the woman in front of him.

I felt my stomach writhe in disgust as I realised what he was implying. Agents couldn't intervene on crimes if it blew their cover but I would be damned if I was going to stand by and watch them rape this poor woman. It was something that often got me into conflict with my superiors but I could sleep at night if I saved people over compromising the mission.

I couldn't see the woman's face from my position on the roof. What I could see however was the look of terror in the other men's eyes and the discomfort in the leader.

"This is why we shouldn't outsource" the leader muttered under his breath.

"Why are you all so afraid? Just look at her! That is one hot bod and I want to take it for a ride!"

With a sickening grin, he tried to grab her breasts.

I say tried because I had no idea what happened next.

All I saw was a blur before Karl was on the ground crying in shock as he held a dislocated wrist. The woman merely observed him as she examined her fingernails. She was fast.

Impossibly fast.

This woman was clearly not what she seemed.

"There's always an idiot" the leader sighed before apologising to the woman.

"No need to apologise. But tell me why our superiors felt the need to outsource? " she said and inwardly I gasped.

Her voice was completely different. Rather than the fearful and submissive lilt of a local woman, it was instead a lazy American drawl. Not only did her voice change, but her posture was also now easy and relaxed.

It was like she was a whole different person.

"We got pinged on our way here. Had to stop and pick up some extra muscle along the way."

"We have a leak?"

"Seems that way. Of course, it now seems overkill with you handling the operation. You would never let anyone track you down given your operational history."

History? Who the fuck was this woman and how the hell did I not hear about her before now?

"My decoys served their purpose. I picked up signs of a strike team, no doubt they belong to SHIELD. Thankfully with their comms being jammed, they should be staking out the other spots long after we are gone."

A jammer? No wonder I was having no success contacting them. I eyed up the woman and noticed she had an odd bulge under her skirt. It was rectangular in shape. That was probably the device.

All I had to do was destroy it and Brock could get his team in here with minimal bloodshed. I eased Arya into my grip and drew an arrow from my quiver. Before I could line up my shot, however, the woman led the mercs outside of my field of vision.

"Look out there at those ordinary people. See how they go about their lives with such disregard for those in power? They care nothing for who is in control, so long as their basic needs are met. This device will change all that" she said.

I frowned in confusion. They had made the transaction so why the hell were they still here? And why had the woman seen fit to start monologuing like a supervillain?

It mattered not as I could no longer line up the shot. I stealthily moved around to the other side of the warehouse to see them still gathered there. The mercs were kicking their heels in confusion while the woman seemed to be looking at something.

I followed her gaze and my heart stopped.

As it was morning, the sun was rising from the east. Due to my new position, the sun was behind me and my shadow was cast into the warehouse.

"Shooter on the roof!" I heard her cry out and the mercenaries opened fire.

The woman had flushed me out.

I waited for a break in the hail of bullets before sending a burst shot arrow into the middle of the group. The arrow flung out several secondary projectiles that took out all of the group except for the leader who used Karl as a human shield and the woman who somehow dodged them.

I say dodged because I saw it with my own eyes and I still couldn't process it. Her speed was unnatural. Before I could even pull another arrow, her skirt rode up to reveal a pistol in the thigh holster underneath and she returned fire. I ducked for cover as I felt a bullet shoot millimetres above my head, leaving a smoking trail across my hair.

Fast and a damn good shot. Just who the hell was this woman?

"Grab the asset and get out of here! I've got him on lockdown!" the woman shouted and I heard the door to the warehouse fly open. I tried to pursue but her accuracy kept me pinned.

"Damn it, Brock! I need you here!" I gritted my teeth before noticing that the stream of bullets had ceased. I cautiously eased my head up to see no sign of her.

"All that and she bugged out," I thought to myself, wearily getting up and narrowly avoiding the heel that swung for my head. She had already gotten up to the rooftop and was now forcing me to fight her on her terms.

And it was her terms, no question about it. Though I favoured long-range, my close combat skills were still well respected within SHIELD. Compared to her, I was a complete amateur. I could barely defend against her onslaught, let alone retaliate.

Her fists rained down like hammers, each strike too fast to dodge, only block. But each block caused pain to erupt from my arms and her blows showed no sign of weakening. I backed up, trying to find some weakness in her fighting pattern.

Yet there didn't appear to be one. Her guard was multi-layered and constantly shifting. Any time a weakness possibly exposed itself, it was replaced with another that was just as hard to exploit.

I was tiring and her strikes were now beginning to get through. A kick to the ribs here, a punch to the jaw there. My guard was beginning to fail. However, in my exhaustion, I finally saw a consistent weakness. She was protecting herself but failed to account for the jamming device on her thigh.

I waited for an opportunity to present itself. Less than a few seconds later, she overreached with a right hook and, recognising her mistake, she doubled her guard as she expected me to try and get a hit in. I feinted a strike to her throat and as she guarded against it, I redirected it to the device.

It shattered into pieces and she pushed me away with a shocked look in her eyes as she looked at the wreckage in horror.

I seized the opportunity to grab my radio.

"Asset is escaping the city. Repeat asset is escaping the city. I'm currently pinned down with a suspect but there is another escaping with a briefcase. Alert the authorities and lock down the exits!"

That was all I could say before the woman grabbed my radio and shattered it. She looked at me with an enraged look in her eyes that made her look almost feral.

"Look you don't have to do this. We can pretend we never met" I tried as I snuck a knife out of my holster and concealed it in my palm.

"I never leave witnesses and I never leave a job half done" was all she said before leaping at me again.

I threw the knife and it hit her dead centre in the chest.

I had warned her.

She went down with a pained grunt of surprise and collapsed. I wearily went over to see her gasping for breath as the wounds took its toll.

"Please..." she whispered as her life drained from her lips.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this," I said, feeling genuinely sad. She was a formidable opponent, it felt cheap to see her go like this.

"I need-I need..." she whispered as her voice began to go.

"What do you need?" I asked gently as I leant down to listen.

Big mistake.

Without any warning, she grabbed me by the neck and manoeuvred her body so that I was pinned underneath her. Her feeble movements and faint breathe were long gone now, a mere feint. She straddled my struggling body as her hands gripped my throat. The knife hung from her chest, the wound somehow closing up and it fell onto my chest with a metallic clang.

What kind of monster was she?

"Please" I begged as my throat began to collapse and my breathing was cut off.

She looked back at me with a sneer as she continued to choke me. She shifted her legs to get a better grip and in doing so, she accidentally opened my belt up. I saw my photograph fall from the pocket and I tried to pick it up. If I had to go, I would like to be with my family.

She saw my grasping fingers and her eyes looked at the photograph.

At that moment, something changed.

Her hands stopped gripping my throat. I coughed and wheezed as I welcomed the soothing feeling of oxygen returning to my lungs. I looked up to see her gaze fixated on the photograph. In comparison to her normal look, her expression was such a radical departure, it was like I was looking at an entirely new person.

It was such a complex mess of guilt, sadness, anger and fear that I couldn't help but feel immense pity. The woman looked to be desperately in need of a hug. Before I could even entertain such a fanciful notion, she fell off me and rolled away. I got up to see her clutching her head in what appeared to be immense pain.

She met my confused gaze and whispered something to me. It was too quiet for me to pick up. Or perhaps I had imagined it. For if she said what I thought she said-

"AHHHH!" She screamed before her posture shifted back to predatory. She looked at me in open hatred before jumping off the roof and fled into the crowds.

I lay there stunned as every muscle in my body ached and cried for attention. My throat felt compressed and I could barely breathe. All I could do was sway on my feet as the world tilted and bent around me. In all honesty, if she came back, I would be in no position to defend myself.

But something told me she wouldn't. Not after what I had seen.

"Clint? You okay up there buddy?"

I looked down to see Brock waving up at me. I shook my head and he climbed up on the roof.

"Jesus man what the hell were you doing here? This wasn't one of the-" he trailed off as he approached and saw me properly. I could only imagine how I looked, I certainly knew how I felt.

"Did you catch him?" I said, dismissing his concern.

"What?"

"The Merc with the asset. Did you catch him?"

Brock shook his head in resignation and I gave out a weak sounding laugh.

"So I got my ass kicked for nothing."

"The team acted as fast as we could once we got your call. But one man in a city this big? With security being this corrupt and lax? We didn't stand a chance."

"Fury is going to love this," I said darkly as I strode past him.

We made our way back to the Quinjet, my injuries drawing a lot of unwanted attention.

"Asset has escaped custody and I'm en route with Agent Barton. Sound off and meet back at the Quinjet" Brock said into his comms.

"Jada Marks checking in."

"Josh Birchman bored but alive."

"Alfred Rose reporting in."

"..."

Brock stopped and I nearly slammed into him. I looked at him in confusion as his brow furrowed in worry as he got no response.

"Anna? Agent Goldcrest do you copy?" He demanded.

"..."

"Everyone else sound off, quickly!" he shouted and the rest reported in. Everyone except Bruce, Anna and Trevor reported in. Three of our team members were missing.

"Kelly? Agent White? Have the other members shown up at the Quinjet?" I said as I took hold of his radio. There was no response from the pilot either.

What the hell was going on?

As we approached the landing site, we started to hear screaming. Locals scrambled away from the landing site as though it was on fire. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I raced through the alleyway to see nightmare incarnate.

Our missing teammates were on display, their throats cut. Each stroke looked violent and unrefined. The blood that splattered the ground looked vengeful and feral, yet still composed enough as to not leave bloody footprints.

What was worse was the piles in front of them. I realised, to my utter disgust and horror, she had disembowelled them. I could see a long tube of red still leading inside what was left of Bruce before I emptied my bowels on the spot.

"Oh, sweet Jesus! Holy shit!" Brock whispered behind me as he saw what I was gaping at.

I was barely aware of the other teammates arriving and the distant sirens in the city. No doubt we had brought attention to ourselves. We needed to leave. But it was kind of difficult to tear my eyes from the horrific scene in front of me.

"Agent Barton? Clint? We have to go" Jada said gently as she guided me into the Quinjet. I watched numbly as the others climbed in without a word. Only Brock was left as he stared at the remains of Trevor like a lost soul.

"Brock? We need to go. There's nothing we can do for them" I tried.

He stared back at me with unflinching rage.

"This was barbaric. Unprecedented. Unacceptable. We are taking them home and giving them a proper burial with respect. Not like the animal who did this to them."

I helped him gather the remains and placed them into body bags. It never felt good seeing them and knowing their purpose. It was infinitely worse to actually have need of them.

"Anyone know how to fly this bird? Considering, well..." Jada trailed off.

"I do," I said simply as I climbed into the pilot's chair. That's when I noticed a note pinned to the chair.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I began to read it.

_**I don't leave a job half done. I don't know what you did to me but for your own good, stay out of my way. I never leave witnesses and you broke that rule today. These peoples lives are forfeit. I will not hesitate to do the same again if you continue to pursue me.**_

It was a message. A fucking message. She slaughtered the team to punish me. I felt myself grow enraged. I would not back off and I would not dishonour their memory. If anything, she only doubled my resolve to bring her to justice. A voice nagged in the back of my head, a doubt that all was as it seemed. But I was too angry to listen.

I opened up the comm channel to Fury once we got in the air and out of Brazillian airspace.

"Do you have to do this now Agent Barton?" Fury hissed. If I was in my right mind, I would have been savvy enough to heed his warning and hang up. Unfortunately, I wasn't in my right mind.

"Yes, I do sir. We lost the asset and it was all because you failed to tell me who I was going up against! Who the fuck slipped up and failed to tell me about her?"

"Can you be more specific?"

"A woman. She was the thief. Can't give really give a description as her mannerisms and posture completely changed during the course of the meeting. It wouldn't surprise me if such skills extended to her physical appearance. But she was bloody lethal. We lost four agents, including the pilot."

"You lost people? What kind of operation are you running Director?" came a new voice.

"Who is that?" I asked in confusion and I could practically hear Fury strangling the air.

"As I said before your departure, I am in a meeting with the council and the undersecretary."

Oh.

Oh shit.

"Sorry, sir."

"Well the cat's out of the bag now isn't it?" Fury said grinding his teeth in frustration.

"Yes, it is director. Bring him and his team in for a debriefing at the Triskelion. I would love to know more about this covert operation that you ran behind our backs."

"Sorry about that" came another voice as the council hung up.

"Who is this?" I asked, starting to sound like a lost child.

"This is the undersecretary. Alexander Pierce" said, Fury.

"Good to be hearing from you Agent Barton. I've heard a lot of things about the famous Hawkeye" Pierce said warmly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say the same," I said with warmth and embarrassment.

"Well, I'm sure my ego can handle it" he laughed before his tone went serious.

"Tell me more about the woman," he said quietly.

"I'm really not sure what else to offer you."

"What was she like? How dangerous was she?"

"The deadliest opponent I've ever encountered sir. Crack shot and that's coming from me. Impossibly fast, has some kind of rapid regeneration and an expert in close combat. I can show you the wounds myself if you like when I get back."

"That won't be necessary. I only ask because if I'm right, then this mission just got a lot more complicated."

"You know her?"

"I can't say anymore over comms. Meet us face to face. Preferably before the council meeting. You might want to bring Brock Rumlow in with you as well."

"Brock? Why? Don't get me wrong, he's a good man but surely we want to keep this in house?"

"You are going to need all the help you can get to take her down."

"I thought my objective was the asset?"

"The asset is currently out of our reach and beyond our detection. I have agents on the lookout for it but this woman now takes top priority" Fury said grimly.

"Yes sir," I said before hanging up.

I reclined back in the seat, letting myself slip into autopilot as my brain worked a hundred miles a minute. This woman was being judged as a greater concern than the Tesseract. An asset that, while still mostly unfathomable, had the potential to start a war. She was very dangerous, even for Fury. It was likely I was going to be sent to hunt her down.

It should have pleased me. To avenge the butchering of my team. But those words she whispered to me before she took off haunted my ears. I shook my head violently, trying to displace them.

They still echoed within my brain.

"Please help me…"


	7. Exodus

_**The Memory Void**_

_**Natasha's Perspective**_

I turned back to see Natalia smirking confidently back at me. Her words washed over me and left me standing there with my mouth agape.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Like I said. Before I existed, you were there and all those instincts the Red Room drilled into me, they must have given you."

"What are you talking about?" I stuttered.

After asserting control of my head, it was difficult to talk about my origins. Despite all I had said it was still Natalia's head and I was an invasive force. Sure I may be better than the previous tenant but it still felt wrong.

"1996. The night I was born."

What?

"No that can't be right, that was when I was born. And, though we should never discuss a woman's age, we certainly don't look 19."

Natalia looked at me in confusion and the world around me began to pulsate as though it was unstable. Though I felt confident at being able to tell when she was lying, it was very clear that she felt equally perplexed.

"Wait a minute. What do you actually remember?" Natalia asked urgently.

"I don't know," I said.

Her eyes widened and scanned me up and down, desperate to find a lie.

What was she so afraid of?

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you have no memory?" Natalia said as she began to pace around anxiously.

"I had assumed you were suppressing the memories. For what purpose I don't know."

"Me? Why would I do that?"

"Well, we haven't exactly been the best of friends, have we?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Natalia demanded as she rounded on me.

"You have never forgiven me for taking control. For making the choices I've made-"

"That was because I cared about you!"

What?

I stared at her flabbergasted. She shuffled her feet uncomfortably as she refused to meet my gaze.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.

"We share the same body, much to my dissatisfaction. Whenever you risked yourself, you risked me. And, for whatever reason, you don't have access to the regenerative properties I do. Each time you put yourself in danger, you put me in the firing line as well."

"Oh, so it all comes back to self-preservation. Colour me shocked" I said caustically and she looked back up at me in anger.

"Well, what else is there? Everything dies in the end."

"The people and their relationships are what matters-"

"How? All they do is hurt. When you let them in, they will inevitably die or betray you. The best thing is to not let them inside in the first place."

"You truly believe that?" I demanded after her outburst.

"This is irrelevant," she said suddenly as she looked at me again with fire in her eyes.

"You're avoiding the question."

"As are you. You must remember something."

"I'm telling you, I don't remember anything. The only thing I remember is being a ballerina. A fat lot of good that is."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"But that's all I can remember before that night as well. There must be more; you must know more!"

"I don't. What's the big de-"

"You claim that I was suppressing the memories. Correct?" Natalia interrupted.

"Yes."

"All these years I thought you were the one suppressing them. But if what you are saying is true and I can't see any sign of you lying, then something else must be blocking the memories. An external agent of some kind."

My mind span with this revelatory knowledge. An external agent? What could it be and why was it concealing my memories?

"If this ballerina memory is the earliest we can remember, perhaps we should explore it?"

"It's a start," Natalia said musingly before summoning the memory. It appeared before us but unlike the other memories, this one seemed different. The colour was a pallid grey, the memory hazy and ill-defined. What's more, there was a faint smoky trail that linked the memory to Natalia's form.

"Together?" I offered my hand to Natalia and she looked at me with a deadpan expression on her face.

"Suit yourself" I muttered as I withdrew it and submerged myself in the memory.

Similar to the other memory, I became merged with this past version of myself. Thoughts, emotions and sensations fused with me as though I really present. It was more difficult than before though. It felt as though I was a little girl again.

Thoughts and feelings, instincts from my elder years faded as I watched myself twirl in the mirror and dance in a studio full of other Russian girls. Their forms were lithe and graceful, yet they paled in comparison to me. I was a beautiful swan, regal and aloof, as though I was beyond the others.

"How curious" Natalia's voice noted and I saw a faint version of her emerge in front of me. She seemed ethereal and not all there.

A phantom.

My memory came rushing back and I was nearly bowled over with the intensity. I was not a ballet dancer. I was Natasha Romanoff. A survivor of the Red Room. A SHIELD agent. An Avenger.

"Whoa..." I moaned out loud yet the girls surrounding me did not react.

"It would seem I'm working as an anchor for you. Your lifeline as it were" Natalia leered.

"Don't even think about-"

"Relax. There's more at stake here than just you. I need answers myself."

"You better" I warned her before turning my attention back to the memory.

The memory seemed plausible on the surface. The outfits, the soft melodic music of Tchaikovsky, the rhythmic movements of the dancers.

Yet I could not find any deeper connection. Why was I here? Where was my family? How did I arrive at the Red Room Academy? What was my relationship with these other girls?

As these questions ran through my head, the memory began to crack and destabilise as though reality itself was collapsing.

"No! Please let me stay!" I begged as I tried to force my body to move. Yet it was only a memory and I was forced to watch in despair as the other dancers began to fracture. I saw the blonde girl next to me dissolve before the world followed suit.

I found myself on my knees with Natalia standing in front of me. She seemed to watch the memory as it faded away. For the first time in my life, I saw her features truly give way to fear.

"What was that?" I whispered and she turned around slowly. I was shocked to see tears running down her cheeks. She would never allow herself to be this open. This vulnerable.

"The memory was false," Natalia said quietly.

"What?"

"It was planted. Manufactured. A convenient fiction to conceal what truly happened."

"Planted by whom?"

"Take a fucking guess. Anyone from the Red room academy could have done this. The question is why?"

"Do they need a reason?" I said and she looked at me with a sharp look in her eyes.

"I served them loyally for years. Your loyalty was the one in doubt, mine was resolute. So why conceal my past? What could they have done that would make them doubt my loyalty?"

"I have a long list of possibilities and none of them sounds like fun."

"What are you talking about?"

Good question.

I couldn't put my finger on it but residual flashes of memory bubbled in my subconscious. Instances of pain, blood and tears surfaced into my thoughts before something pushed them back down again.

Hang on.

If this place represented my memories, perhaps I could manipulate it to see what was going on. To see what was suppressing my memories.

"What are you doing?" Natalia asked as I tried to concentrate.

"Whatever this place is, whether its some kind of memory void or just a really convincing hallucination that my brain has conjured, it could hold the key to those memories."

"You think so?"

"I know the memories exist. I can sense them..." I muttered as I tried to reach out for one.

Suddenly the world shifted and tilted wildly. I panicked and nearly lost my focus as I was seized by a strong sensation of vertigo. Thankfully the world settled down again and now I could see an ocean beneath us. The memory I had tried to focus on was visible just beneath the surface, its features indecipherable through the murky fluid.

"How did you do that?" Natalia wondered with what sounded like respect.

That was a first.

"I don't know," I said truthfully. Nothing about this scenario made any sense but if it served our purposes, I wasn't going to complain.

"Is this one of the memories then? Before 1996?" Natalia asked as she leant down and began to pull the memory out of the ocean like a fisherman reeling in a catch.

"I would assume so."

The memory was nearly out of the water before Natalia jerked forward alarmingly fast.

"What are you doing?" I shouted as the memory sank beneath the surface.

"Something is pulling it down. It's resisting" Natalia panted and I noticed the sweat adorning her head. It was causing her serious strain and considering this was my head the damage had to be mental.

It was then that I noticed the faint trail that attached Natalia to the ocean. The very same trail that was connected to the false memory.

"What is that?" I asked as she sank to her knees and let the memory go.

"Huh?"

I gestured to the trail and her eyes widened. I could practically hear the gears in her head turning and she looked at me in shock.

"No," she said denying it.

"It has to be."

"NO!" she screamed back as she covered her face.

"That trail is a representation of the serum. You really are a product of a needle aren't you?"

"Shut up" she whispered through her hands.

"But that's not the worst part is it?"

She nodded silently.

"The serum is what erased my memories. You erased my memories and planted a false past into my head. You made me doubt my existence, whether I deserved to live."

I strode over to her and wrenched her hands away from her face. She looked up at me in fear as I lowered my face until it was an inch away.

"I was right" I whispered with venom.

"No, I-"

"QUIET!" I shouted and she flinched.

"Natasha please-"

"You stole my past from me. You stole my life from me. And what did you use it for?"

I gestured to the void around me and memories from when she was in control appeared. The blood. The violence. The screams of pain.

And she thrived on it.

"To feed your own sick appetites. You are not worthy of being in my head."

I stalked away as I left her curled up in a ball crying.

"When I wake up I'm going to Fury or anyone who can do the job."

"What?" Natalia sobbed.

"Removing you. Permanently. I don't care what they do to me as long as you are evicted. Purged. Cured."

Natalia looked at me in shock, her features broken and devastated. It struck me then just how much the tables had turned. Here I was threatening to kill her and she was laying there taking my abuse.

Was I truly that different from her?

"Natasha, please. I know how this looks. But I didn't ask to be created. The Red room injected the serum into you without my knowledge or consent because I didn't even exist then."

"I don't care" I shot back automatically though her words did strike the chords of my conscience.

"I came into this world just as confused and bewildered as you were. Those memories you lost? The serum did that. Not me."

"You are one and the same Natalia."

"NO, I AM NOT!" Natalia shouted with sudden vigour and I was taken aback.

"I have grown beyond my origins. Or would you still say you are just an assassin?"

"I'm an Avenger," I said slowly, seeing where she was going with this line of reasoning.

"Yes, a goody little two shoes," Natalia said with a roll of her eyes.

"One day you're going to warm up to that title."

"Don't hold your breath."

"So you claim to have grown more than the serum. Thanks for the inspirational TED talk but so what?"

"The fake memory? And the memories that the serum is suppressing? Not my choice."

"You are still contributing to it."

"Am I though?" Natalia wondered musingly.

"Huh?"

"The serum is a core component of me but it still exists as a separate entity. If I'm right..."

Natalia then furrowed her brow in concentration and the ocean beneath us began to split apart like Moses parting the red sea.

"What are you doing?" I shouted before falling silent. The chasm she had just opened up revealed a blinding light at the bottom.

"I believe I have managed to remove the serum's lock on the memories" Natalia whispered and I looked up to see her swaying. She looked very pale and drained the effort must have been tremendous.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she looked at me with a deadpan expression.

"Don't get familiar with me. I'm doing this for myself."

"But what about before? About apologising for what you did to my head?" I asked in confusion and she glared at me in anger.

"Let me be perfectly clear Natasha. I don't care whether it's your head originally or not. The real question is; whose head is it when we wake up? I think the answer can be found in those memories."

She shot off down into the chasm and I followed in her wake.

"The answer to what?" I said as I desperately tried to keep pace.

"Who you really are as a person."

What?

I barely had time to ponder what she said before we reached the bottom.

"And I don't think you will like what you find," she added somewhat ominously as we were both consumed by the light.


	8. Licking Wounds

_**Stark Tower- Present day Aftermath**_

_**Clint's perspective**_

I sat there as I recalled my first encounter with Nat. It was astonishing to look back on it now, to see how unprepared I was. I could not help but wonder how I survived. In my future hunt after her and seeing her in action as a partner, she was more skilled than me.

Not even that. She outclassed me and every assassin I ever knew. Though there was the possible exception of the Winter Soldier. Then again Nat and Steve had been especially vague about their time together during the HYDRA uprising. I couldn't really compare their skills, though I did hear she gave him a good run for his money.

What haunted me the most about our encounter were those words she whispered. The words that nagged and pulled at my conscience.

"Please help me."

It made no sense at the time. And the explanation that Nat supplied me with wasn't very compelling. How can you jump from being that vulnerable to gutting people to send a message? It was almost as though she was two different people.

The monster and the victim.

Perhaps two different people entirely.

Perhaps the situation with Natalia was answering questions just as they were raising new ones.

"Could you stop singing that damn lullaby? I'm calm now" came Bruce's voice.

Tony and I lifted our heads up at this and I looked outside the window to see the others returning from downstairs.

Thor was carrying Steve in his arms, soaking wet and unconscious. His shirt was ripped into ribbons and I could see the blood leaking out from under his shirt. What really made me cringe was the disgusting purple ring that encircled his throat.

Natalia had really left her mark on him. Given my past with that move and the countless others who had met a more unfortunate end, he was lucky to be alive. Serum or no serum, the throat was vulnerable whether it be an out of shape teenager or a bodybuilder.

Thor, on the other hand, looked somewhat satisfied. It wasn't every day he got to spar with the Hulk, especially given Bruce's unwillingness to let the other guy out. Nat's lullaby had convinced him to be used on missions but for more casual instances like sparring? Not a chance.

Rhodey was the one trying to keep Bruce calm. It was odd seeing them together, they hadn't really interacted all that much outside of meetups. But I guess Rhodey really enjoyed Bruce's company, especially as a welcome change to Tony's more... extravagant qualities.

Bruce, on the other hand, looked shattered. His eyes carried a haunted and tortured look that was just harrowing. His body would of course not carry over the injuries from the Hulk but we all knew how much he disliked relinquishing control.

"Bruce I only want to make sure," Rhodey said soothingly.

"You are damn lucky the lullaby did the trick. If I didn't hold onto the thought that Tasha was in the room with me, that Hulk might go after her-"

"You didn't hurt her Bruce" Tony interrupted as we stepped outside to greet them.

Bruce's eyes moistened in relief and he staggered forward to meet Tony's embrace.

"Thank God" Bruce whispered as Thor strode past without a word.

"Oh, Thor! I didn't expect to see you here!" I could hear Helen splutter from within the medical suite.

"Steve needs treatment. He put up a good fight but he needs to recover now."

"Of course that won't be a problem. How about you Thor? You could use an examination."

"I'm fine."

"No, it would be no problem! If you would just let me-"

Thor had already strode out at that point and I heard Helen mutter under her breath as she set to work.

"Come on Thor, at least entertain the poor girl's wishes while she's here," I said teasingly.

"What?" Thor asked in bemusement.

"She's into you man. Totally digs you."

"Why would she want to go inside me?"

"I think that's more your area of expertise. Unless that's what you are into. Not kink-shaming anyone here."

Thor stared at me and I shifted uncomfortably. Perhaps I had misread the situation after all this was no time to be joking-

"Oh, I get it now!" Thor boomed as he gave out a big belly laugh.

"Get what?" Rhodey asked as he left Tony and Bruce's side.

"Birdman over here was making a joke about how Helen wants to have sex with me!" Thor beamed.

"Its Hawkeye" I muttered sheepishly as Rhodey looked at Thor in a mixture of repulsion and amusement.

"Helen's back? Where is she?" Bruce asked as he let go of Tony.

"In the medical suite alongside Steve and Nat," I said as I gestured over my back.

Bruce's eyebrows shot up and he barged past me and Thor to Rhodey sides as they both peered through the window. I joined them as did Thor and Tony. Together we watched in silence as Helen began to bind Steve's wounds and assess the damage to his throat.

"He's gonna be okay?" Tony asked with a noticeable tremble to his voice.

"Of course he will. He's shaken off worse hits than that before" Rhodey said reassuringly.

Our eyes were inevitably drawn to the ugly purple ring around his throat. It seemed to mock us, daring us to remember what did this to him. It came as no surprise when every head turned to look at Nat.

She looked like a beautiful angel as she lay there. Gone were the calculating features, the carefully sculpted mask. Her face was open and soft, her plump lips in an untroubled smile of contentment. Her muscles, normally coiled and ready for action at a moments notice, were finally relaxed. Her red curls hung misshapen and out of place yet looked so natural and beautiful.

One would be forgiven for thinking that this petite woman would be no threat at all. And one would often be dead before they hit the ground or have no idea just how close they came to death if they had said the wrong thing or walked into the wrong place.

"Care to explain what happened to Lady Natasha?" Thor asked softly. His voice carried an undertone of rage like a quietly angry father and I could hear thunder in the distance.

"Tony stunned her-" I began before jumping back in shock.

At my words, Thor twisted around very suddenly and grabbed Tony by the throat. He was lifted into the air as he kicked at the air while Thor's face remained frozen in a mask of calm. His eyes gave away the real story however as they danced and flickered like a thunderstorm.

"Whoa, Thor! Calm down!" I shouted as Rhodey took a fighting stance in his war machine suit. I saw Bruce open the medical suite and duck inside.

"This is your fault Stark! You pushed her! You broke her! Now you stunned her and left her unconscious! Is there no end to your treachery?"

"May I point out that you had a hand in this too Thor? When you asked her to lift the hammer?" Tony tried before Thor tightened his grip.

"Okay poor choice of words. Never mention the hammer got it" Tony wheezed out.

Bruce returned with Helen at his side and Thor's gaze was drawn to her. She glared back furiously. They held each other's gaze for what felt like an eternity before Thor caved in and let Tony drop to the floor.

"Thor Odinson you should be ashamed of yourself!" Helen shouted as Tony struggled for breath on the floor.

"But I-" Thor spluttered.

"I don't want to hear it! Whatever's been done has been done. There is no point focusing on that now. What matters is moving on."

Thor looked at the floor meekly and Rhodey finally relaxed his fighting stance. Bruce was looking at Helen with a great deal of respect, astounded to see the God of Thunder cowed by this petite woman.

It made sense from what I knew of Thor to be so respectful towards women. From how highly he spoke of his mother and the care he had for Natasha, it was clear that he was all fluff behind his tough and rugged (god he was fit) exterior.

"Now, as I've set Natasha up and got her comfortable and attended to Steve, is there anyone else who needs to be treated?" Helen asked, not bothering to address Thor.

"Hulk takes the majority of the punishment so I'm fine" Bruce muttered, grimacing at the word Hulk.

"I got stabbed in the arm but there's nothing that bandages and gauze won't fix," I said, playing it off with a grin.

"I'm fine, Tony took the majority of the punishment. Before Thor added to it" Rhodey said, shooting a heated glare at Thor.

"What happened to me doesn't matter," Tony said as he finally picked himself off the floor.

"Mr Stark, as a medical professional and a friend-"

"I'm fine!" Tony shouted, interrupting Helen.

He began to pace around anxiously and we watched him walk as he muttered to himself.

"What is it, Tony?" I asked.

"I'm just trying to think of what could have possibly brought this on. What could have caused Natasha to change so radically?"

"Well, we kind of just established that," Rhodey said, shooting yet another glare at Thor who at this point was sick of it.

"Save the passive aggressiveness for another day, lesser man of iron."

"Lesser? You lecture me about passive-aggressiveness and you come out with that?" Rhodey said incredulously.

"Hey, it's not all about the size" Tony offered and you could practically see the steam shooting out of Rhodey's ears.

"Don't you dare go back to comparing-"

"We are getting off-topic," Helen said firmly, cutting the bickering out like a tired mother dealing with oversized toddlers.

"I know Tasha. Or at least I thought I was getting to know her. She would never have done something like this" Bruce said quietly from the doorway and we all looked at him. He was staring at the ground sadly, as though he was contemplating the very foundations of his understanding.

"Strictly speaking it wasn't her, was it?" I said musingly.

"What are you talking about?" Bruce asked in confusion as Tony's expression morphed into thought.

"Clint's right. Before she tried to take her own life with cyanide-"

"She did what?" Bruce shrieked, his high pitched voice reverberating off the walls.

"Don't worry Bruce, she's okay," Helen said as she rubbed his arm soothingly. He shook her off and stared angrily at Tony.

"She tried to kill herself? What the hell did you do?" Bruce demanded and Thor stood ready to intervene if he turned green again. At the moment, however, Bruce was keeping it under control.

For now.

"I stopped her from killing Maria. She had a knife to her throat" Tony said before his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Wait where is Maria?" Rhodey asked.

"Oh shit! I forgot she's paralysed!" I cursed as I ran around the back of the fallen sofa to see her prone form still fallen in place.

"Help her to the medical suite" I called as Thor and Rhodey took her in their arms and carried her away with Helen following in their wake.

"Jesus! Tonight has been a real mess hasn't it?" Bruce breathed out.

"No kidding. Where the hell did Widow get a paralytic from? I hope Maria pulls through" Tony said.

"Speaking of Maria, I want to be there when she wakes up," I said grimly, body feeling tense and riled up.

"Why?" Bruce asked, looking less angry and more like a lost child.

"What happened tonight... what Natasha did. That wasn't her. It was some kind of persona. Like a separate personality. Like-"

"The Hulk" Bruce finished and I nodded.

"Jesus Christ Nat! What the hell were you thinking, keeping something like that a secret?" Bruce muttered to himself.

"Maybe she was ashamed?" I offered.

Poor choice of words in retrospect as Bruce rounded on me with fury in his eyes.

"Ashamed? How do you think Hulk makes me feel? Elated? Overjoyed? I am a scientist, a man of knowledge and learning. The last thing I want is to be a green monster whose only purpose is a wrecking ball to be pointed at an enemy and let loose."

"Perhaps she didn't like it either. That part of her that makes her want to kill."

"What?" Tony asked this time and I felt an inner rush of guilt.

It wasn't right to talk about Nat's past without her permission. It was a massive breach of trust. But after all of these events, her demons were coming out of the closet and we couldn't pretend they didn't exist. We had to fight them; containment was no longer an option.

"Natasha is a very secretive woman. I don't have even close to half of her secrets and there isn't a soul she trusts more than herself. What she did tell me however was that killing is like a drug for her."

"What do you mean?" Bruce whispered, his voice horrified.

"Whatever they did to her in the red room made her enjoy killing. She described it like a rush of pure pleasure, an ecstasy that nothing has ever topped. That's why she largely favours her non-lethal Widow bites and nightsticks. Even her guns allow her to kill relatively detached, allowing her some relief from the conditioning they placed her under."

"Fucking hell" Tony exclaimed, the absence of Steve feeling very noticeable.

"It makes me wonder though. If she experiences all that, why continue as an assassin? Where she would come most into contact with killing?" Bruce asked.

"The circumstances that we met under were far from ideal. She had nowhere else to go with her former employers turning on her. She had never known a life outside of murder and espionage. Fury promised to keep her more towards the espionage side of things but this is not an ideal world. Sometimes the call had to be made and she paid the price."

"What makes you think Fury knew of her split personality?" Bruce asked and Tony snorted in astonishment.

"Bruce, have you learnt nothing?" Tony laughed with a broken voice.

"What?"

"Fury is the alpha spy. Like the spy to end all other spies. There was absolutely no way he didn't know about this."

"Maria knew of Natalia. That's no coincidence. And if Hill knew, Fury certainly did as well" I added.

"Damn you Fury you smug son of a bitch!" Tony whispered venomously.

I wanted to argue with him, to defend the man who had given me a purpose all those years ago. But I found no such words on my lips.

What terrible knowledge could he be hiding that justified the secrecy?

"Guys get in here!" Rhodey shouted from the doorway, breaking us out of our brooding.

"What's wrong? Did something happen to Maria?" Bruce asked as we rushed inside the room.

"She's fine. Or at least as fine as someone who is paralysed can be. Helen has deduced that it was some strain of Botulinum neurotoxin. Thankfully she knows some people she can call that can help her reverse the muscular paralysis. Given it was contained in a hair clip, the quantity injected was just short of impairing her breathing. She's lucky to be alive."

"Good. Because we are going to need answers when she wakes up" I said darkly with a nod from both Tony and Bruce.

Rhodey looked at us in confusion and opened his mouth to ask before Helen noticed our arrival and came over to our side. I could see Thor holding Natasha down as her body began to thrash and recoil.

"What the hell is going on?" I demanded as I barged past Helen to Natasha's side. Up close I could see her forehead shining in the light of the medical theatre, her face glistening with sweat. Soft moans were coming from her mouth as her eyes rolled in the sockets beneath her eyelids.

"I'm not sure," Helen admitted as everyone gathered around the bed. I could see the equipment monitoring Nat's condition and, though I wasn't a doctor, I could see her heart rate jumping all over the place. Just like her breathing, it was highly erratic.

"I had finished setting up the oxygen concentrator as I said and suddenly she started having some kind of fit! It's like she's having a really intense nightmare!" Helen continued.

"What?" Tony said disbelievingly.

"The human brain is still a significant mystery to the medical community and I'm certainly no neurologist. Put me in front of a gene sequence and I'm like Mozart at the harpsichord. The brain...not so much."

I looked up as Tony and Bruce's gaze met mine. They followed a similar line of thought. Natalia was a part of that brain as much as Natasha was.

Who knew what was going on in there?

A war?

Who could know?

"There could be a way..." Tony pondered out loud and everyone turned to face him.

"What are you talking about?" Helen asked.

"Don't worry about it," Tony said dismissively and left.

We followed him out, leaving Helen to tend to Natasha and the others. She administered a drug to paralyse Nat's muscles, to keep her from hurting herself before joining us outside as we retired to bed.

I caught Tony outside his room after we all gave half-hearted and shell shocked good nights.

"What were you talking about?" I asked him as he stood there in his tartan pyjama bottoms. For all the nightwear a billionaire playboy could wear, those hideous bottoms are the ones he chose to wear.

Figures.

"Huh?" Tony said absentmindedly as he nursed a coffee.

"About a way. What were you referring to?"

Tony grinned and went inside his room. He looked at me confidently as I stood there confused.

"To see inside her mind," he said before he closed the door on my bewildered face.

What the hell was he planning?

I thought about busting the door down or sneaking through the vents to demand an explanation. Then my body began to scream in protest. It had been a long day and there was always tomorrow to confront him on whatever half baked idea he had come up with. He couldn't get that much done in one night.

Right?

I threw myself onto my bed as soon as I staggered back to my bedroom. As my eyelids sank down and my muscles began to relax, I could feel my mind wander.

What did Fury know? And why did he allow Nat to continue on the path of an assassin knowing what it did to her?

My thoughts went further back, to that goddamn meeting that changed everything about my life.

The meeting that made me realise I had greeted death herself and emerged alive.

The meeting that made me realise that I had crossed paths with the legendary Black Widow.


	9. The Hunt Is On

_**Clint's perspective**_

_**Flashback to 2005**_

It was a long and silent flight back.

The putrid smell from the body bags was difficult to ignore their presence silencing all conversation. We had all lost people before, it came with the job, but this was different. They had died not as a sacrifice for their teammates or the sheer misfortune of a lucky shot.

No.

This was cold, calculated and depraved.

This woman, this monster...

I gripped the control wheel so tight that my knuckles turned white. Their faces kept flashing before my eyes.

Anna. Her laughing face back in the cafeteria from our assignment in Cairo.

Bruce. His smiling face as he handed me a book I had said I wanted for Christmas as I lay recovering in the infirmary following a solo mission in Tijuana.

All gone now.

Jack's face rose briefly in my consciousness before I forced him back down. Where he appeared, Lily would follow. I had enough ghosts for today.

I glanced behind me to see how everyone else was taking it.

The results were clear to see.

Everyone was exhibiting various degrees of shock with the exception of Alfred, who was still just as stoic and unreadable as ever. Jada was the one putting on the brave face and soothing Brock. He was shaking with what seemed like grief. Yet there was also an undercurrent of rage and possibly fear? Trevors death meant something to him, even more so than the others. I resolved to find out without causing him too much pain.

I lost myself in piloting the Quinjet, so much so that I nearly didn't notice Washington DC coming back into view. It looked beautiful in the morning light. This is what we were fighting to protect.

The radio whirred into life.

"Attention Quinjet-08, we haven't got your departure from the facility logged. State your intent or countermeasures will be deployed over."

Routine stuff. I tugged on the headpiece and opened up a channel towards them.

"Copy that. Director Fury authorised this bird for a covert mission. Over."

"Is that so? Please state the command phrase over."

Shit!

Kelly would have been told the phrase but with her death that was not an option.

"Anyone know the command phrase?" I called over my shoulder and Brock looked up.

"Yeah. Let me talk to them" he said as he came over. I handed him the headset and lowered the speed of the Quinjet. We were coming close to the Triskelion, we were running out of time.

"Command phrase is as follows. Echo, November, Delta, Oscar, Foxtrot, Whiskey, Oscar, Romeo, Lima and Delta" Brock said.

"Seriously? That's a bit on the nose" I said, noting he was using the phonetic alphabet.

"You're telling me" he mouthed back as he listened to the response over the comms.

"Thank you. And you didn't have to be so gung ho Brian. Yeah I know you're just doing your job, I was only teasing. God, you're too easy" Brock laughed before finally hanging up.

"We good to go?" I asked and he nodded.

I brought us in nice and smooth, the hanger doors beneath the Triskelion opening up to allow us entry. I could see the technicians already gathered to assess and refuel the Quinjet; I was more than happy to leave it in their capable hands. However, they were also accompanied by several men in dark suits.

Internal affairs.

Always happened where there was a fatality on a mission. Their job was to assess the team's psychological condition, to make sure that they were getting the counselling necessary to get past the inevitable grief. They were also there to investigate if there was any wrongdoing or misconduct that may have led to the casualties.

"Time to face the music" Brock whispered in my ear as most of the black suits took the team away. Only a dark-skinned man in glasses remained. His bald head shone in the bright light of the hanger and he looked at us appraisingly.

"Rumlow why is it always you who happens to darken my doorstep?" said the man with a raised eyebrow.

"Believe it or not Jasper, I'm not to blame this time" Brock grinned back.

"It's Agent Sitwell while I'm on duty. And I will be the judge of who is to blame thank you."

"Is this going to take long? Director Fury said he needed to debrief us right away" I said impatiently.

"Did he now?" Agent Sitwell said.

"Yes. Undersecretary Pierce scheduled it himself" Brock said with a pointed look. There seemed to be an unspoken conversation between them, information exchanging in a matter of seconds before Jaspar sighed and gestured at us to follow.

"Well, I can hardly ignore two Alpha level members. Give my regards to Pierce, will you? And make sure to schedule an appointment with Linda as soon as possible."

"Linda? Come on she hates me!" Brock protested as we got into the elevator.

"She doesn't hate you. She just has more to deal with than your pick up lines" Agent Sitwell smiled back before the doors closed and we began to ascend.

Now that he was out of sight of Sitwell, Brock's face lost the grin and he staggered back against the handrail.

"Are you okay?" I asked gently and he looked at me startled like he was unaware I was in there with him.

"Of course. Right as rain" he said trying to blow me off.

"You seem like a decent guy. Come on, you can lay it on me. Probably easier than talking to Linda about it."

Brock snorted at that. Perhaps my joke did the trick as his face softened and he looked at me properly.

"Shit man, I don't know what to say. We've lost people before."

"True that" I murmured, not willing to bring up the obvious.

"Family?" Brock asked, noting my discomfort and I nodded cautiously.

"How about you?" I said, knocking the ball into his court.

"Also family. My father worked as a security guard for Goldman Sachs in New York. Good pay. Pretty uneventful, especially for a veteran."

"What happened?"

"Some meth head, too high out of his mind to realise that robbing a bank in broad daylight was a dumb idea. He pulled a gun on the clerk and when my dad tried to intervene, the bastard shot him. Lucky fucker got him right in between the eyes. Dead before he hit the ground."

"Jesus" I whispered, noting that his fists were curled up and his veins were rippling beneath the skin.

"His death tore me up inside. Mother had flown the coop 8 years earlier when she ran off with some rich lawyer who impressed his way into her panties. Probably cast her off by now. No siblings. He was my only family. And he was gone."

"I'm sorry?" I offered and he gave out a strangled laugh.

"Sorry? What for? The junkie was arrested and sentenced to death row for what he did. I was a mess for a few years, sure, but Trevor found me and gave me new purpose again. It all worked out in the end."

"Trevor found you?"

"Yeah. I dropped out of high school when my dad died. Was on the streets, doing petty crime. Trevor found me after I had tried to rob him. Gave him a pretty good fight when he confronted me but eventually, he took me down. Instead of handing me over to the police, he gave me a chance to clean up my act and work for SHIELD."

"Trevor was the one to introduce you?"

"Yep. Stuck by my side throughout it all. Was the one to encourage me to put my name forward after Jack Williams died."

His face frowned before giving way to concern.

"I shouldn't have brought him up, I'm sorry," he said as he turned away.

"Don't worry about it," I said reassuringly as the elevator finally came to a stop and the doors opened.

A blonde woman in a grey blouse and long blue pants stood outside the nearby door. Her eyes brightened on seeing us and waved us over.

"Hello my name is Sharon Carter and they will be with you shortly," she said warmly, shaking both of our hands.

"Good to meet you, Sharon. Name's Clint Barton and this is Brock Rumlow" I said.

"Ah, the famous Hawkeye" she grinned.

"I really should do something about this damn name. No good agent should be famous."

"I beg to differ. Hawkeye is a rather apt name for you is it not?"

"No title for me?" Brock coughed and her eyes took on a mischevious twinkle.

"How about Incubus?" she suggested.

"Oh come on I'm not that bad!" Brock said with mock indignation.

"Oh really? So you inviting me out to lunch last week was just you being nice?"

"Of course. A friendly lunch between co-workers."

"Is that all it was?" Sharon asked, sounding disappointed.

"Well if you were still feeling hungry, I would have offered dinner," Brock said with an inviting wink.

"What did I tell you? Total incubus" Sharon laughed as she rolled her eyes at me.

"You're acting like you don't enjoy it," Brock said with a mock frown.

"Okay reign it in you horny teenagers, we're here for a meeting with the heads of SHIELD. There's a time and a place" I said, trying to hide my grin.

"Indeed there is" came a voice behind us and we twisted around to see Fury and Pierce standing by the doorway. Fury was looking suitably unimpressed while Pierce was trying and failing to disguise the amusement with a look of disapproval.

"Thank you for keeping our guest's company Agent Carter, you are dismissed," Fury said. Sharon nodded, her game face back on, and she left us to it.

"If you would like to head inside," Pierce said as he gestured to the door. As we went inside, an alert came from his earpiece and he held up a hand for us to wait.

"What is it Amelia?" he asked.

Several seconds passed as he listened and his face morphed into that of exasperation.

"Look I don't care that they marked it urgent. The council think everything is urgent. I don't care about the ship, I care about the fleet and quite frankly the meeting I'm in now is more important than their bureaucratic crap."

A politician who cut through the political bullshit. My respect for this man just increased tenfold.

"Amelia I don't need to hold your hand for this. You were recommended to me as someone who could handle things like this. Stall them. I don't care how just keep them off our backs until the meeting is over. Then I'll deal with whatever accusations or calls for resignations that they'll throw at me."

"Is that a likely outcome?" I whispered to Fury and he laughed out loud to the annoyance of Pierce and Brock.

"Please, the council is all bark and no bite. We are their bite and they damn well know it" Fury said back and Brock grinned in agreement.

"I've been doing this job for some time I know how much I can push them. And believe me, they could do with some pushing from time to time. Do you have a plan? Excellent that will give them something to chew over. I'll be there when I can. Thank you, I knew you were capable."

Pierce hung up and gave us a sheepish grin.

"Sounded like fun" Fury noted and Pierce laughed.

"That's about how exciting my job gets. Pushing the council's buttons."

"Is that a wise decision?" I asked.

"The council can kiss my ass. They don't know the real demands of this world. They haven't been there, down in the mud as they watched their fellow man fall beside them."

"Neither have you," I said coolly and Brock's eyes widened at this insubordination. Pierce merely laughed and looked at me with new respect in his eyes.

"Now this I like. Someone who can speak his mind. He's a remarkable man isn't he Nick?"

"That he is," Fury said proudly, seemingly fine with Pierce calling him Nick. He never let someone address him that informally outside of Hill.

"I take it that's why you entrusted him to retrieve the tesseract?" Pierce asked and my blood pressure skyrocketed.

How could he know? Fury was very specific about the classified nature of the asset.

"All hope of keeping the Tesseract a secret died when it escaped Sao Paulo in enemy custody," Fury said before I could pose the question.

Pierce wagged his finger at that and gestured at us to finally sit down. I slumped into my chair, realising just tired I was. I was operating on fumes with the lack of rest over the past day. I noticed Brock take up the seat next to me while Fury was setting something up with Pierce.

"The theft of the Tesseract brings us to the subject of this meeting. While its loss is unfortunate and will be discussed at a later point in time, the nature of its loss is what concerns me. Particularly the thief" Pierce began.

He strode in close and sat on the desk in front of me, leaning in close. His weathered face looked at me in both earnest and barely disguised fear.

"Can you please describe the thief as much as you can? Just so I can be sure" Pierce asked softly.

I shifted uncomfortably, wondering just how much to reveal. I didn't know a whole lot myself and given the chaotic nature of the fight, I was wondering if I had hallucinated parts of it. Knife wounds just don't close up by themselves it was impossible.

"She was small, petite in stature. She had a strong physique and no visible scars or imperfections on her skin. That I could see at least. She had black hair, dark skin and green eyes. However, as I said on the way here, her mannerisms changed within the course of the meeting."

"How so?" Pierce asked curiously.

"She spoke like a native Brazilian, her body language and tone timid and submissive. After one of the mercenaries tried to force himself on her, she shifted to a flawless Texan accent and her body language was relaxed and easy going. One would be forgiven for thinking they were different people."

"You think tracking her down is going to be difficult then?"

"From contact lenses to hair dye to prosthetics, really she could change her entire appearance at will. On top of her control of languages and mannerisms, she's like a human chameleon. Only her height and other such features will be more difficult to alter. Unfortunately, that doesn't really narrow down the suspects."

"Is there anything we can use?" Fury said with frustration.

"I've got nothing" I offered truthfully.

Pierce got up, his face looking defeated and disappointed.

"If I may..." Brock began to say and all eyes shifted to him.

"What is it Agent Rumlow?" Pierce asked.

"The assailant killed our operatives in cold blood. From Agent Barton's account, this was done after his encounter with her when she fled the scene. Why would she have done that?"

Pierce looked at him startled, his expression full of fear and something much darker.

"She did what? I thought they were killed during the operation?"

"No, sir. She sent out decoys and we staked out the various locations. Agent Barton was the one to locate the true meeting site and he engaged alone."

"He survived an encounter with Black Widow?" Pierce said almost reverentially.

That name.

No!

Memories of that night began to knock at the threshold.

Memories of Lily's cold dead face.

"Agent Barton? Clint? Are you okay?" Brock asked urgently as he got up and came to my side. I found myself on the floor, not even noticing that I had fallen with my chair knocked over.

"I'm fine, let me go," I insisted as I shook his helping hand off and set my chair back up.

"What the hell was that?" Pierce demanded.

"Remember the incident last year in Sydney with the death of Jack Williams? Clint lost someone else on top of his best friend, someone very dear to him" Fury said with a pointed look.

Both Brock and Pierce's eyes widened as they connected the dots and they let it go.

"I'm sorry Agent Barton I didn't mean to trigger those memories. I only mentioned Black Widow because that is the operative I believe you encountered."

"So you knew about her? Why the hell wasn't I informed? We lost good people by going in blind!" I demanded angrily.

"We didn't have a reason to believe that she existed. She's a ghost story. Most intelligence agencies believe that she doesn't exist and those that do have nothing concrete. In all the years she has been active, there hasn't been a single trace or clue left behind. Sure there have been corpses left behind such was the case at Argus facility. But there was no signature or anything to indicate it was her" Fury said as Pierce went back to setting up the screen.

"But you had suspicions right? Something more?" I pressed and they both nodded.

"About a decade ago, a girl was detained in Moscow for theft. Seemed like a routine case as the girl was homeless though I'm told the art she stole was priceless and highly secured. However, the local authorities soon lost custody with the officers on duty found dead on the scene. SHIELD has a significant number of agencies tapped and Russia was certainly no exception" said Pierce as he brought up a video file.

"This is what our surveillance captured. Apologies up front for the poor picture quality, it had to be a pinhole camera in order to fly under the bug sweeps. Audio quality is a little better though."

Pierce pressed play and sat beside Fury as the footage began to play.

The screen displayed an interrogation room, the walls bare and impersonal. Most interrogation rooms across the planet all followed the tried and tested method of isolation. Humans are social animals and the mere act of leaving them alone in a featureless room was an effective tactic to get into their head.

In this case, we could see the backs of the two officers. One was large and imposing; the muscles visible beneath his uniform. The other was small and unassuming. A typical good cop bad cop routine tried and true. In my experience, the 'good cop' was the one to fear as the bad cop was obvious but the good was subtle.

Sitting across from them was a small petite girl. She was blonde, at least that was my guess through all of the dirt and muck. Definitely of Russian origin with those Slavic features and blue eyes. Her clothes were patchy and ill-fitting; whatever worked to keep out the cold.

Her size and features suggested that she was in her teens but the harshness of life had aged her. You could see it in her eyes. Something had forced her to mature much faster than normal.

Her hands were cuffed in front of her and I winced at the bright red rings that adorned her wrists. Surely they hadn't been that brutal during their arrest?

Curiously the girl didn't seem upset at her predicament. She fidgeted almost nervously but it didn't seem to be because of the officers. No, she was afraid of something much worse.

But what?

"She's just a teenager. A street rat. How is this relevant?" I asked and Fury held up a finger to shush me.

"Just listen," Pierce said as the footage moved on.

"So just to recap for the purposes of procedure. You were detained in the Red October Art Gallery about an hour ago. You were found at the scene of the crime about to steal their most coveted painting. You have no form of documentation on you so we can add vagrancy to the list. Anything to say for yourself?" asked the smaller one.

The girl simply tilted her head which seemed to infuriate the other one.

"Do I really need to tell you just how much shit you are in? Theft and vagrancy are bad enough but resisting arrest and putting an officer of the law in the hospital? You cross one officer, you cross us all" shouted the big one.

The girl sat there unfazed. You could virtually see the boredom radiating out from her. This was unnerving to watch and the officers clearly shared the same opinion as the other one whispered into the big one's ear.

"I apologise for my colleague. Let us start over. Do you have a name miss?" said the smaller one.

The girl stared back cooly. Her confidence was bewildering. Why was she so calm?

"My name is Alexi and the ogre is Grigor," said the smaller one.

"I don't care" the girl spoke for the first time.

"Do you have a pressing need to be somewhere else? Vagrants united?" Grigor said sarcastically.

"Yes actually. I need to talk to SHIELD."

Pierce paused the footage and looked at our stunned faces.

"To clarify SHIELD was still operating as a covert organisation back in 1994. This girl should not have knowledge of our existence. Still, think she's just a street rat?"

"No sir," I said, my mouth agape.

Pierce resumed the footage.

"SHIELD? What the hell is that? A football club?" Alexi asked.

The girl merely laughed and, in a stunning twist, looked directly into the camera.

"I got myself arrested to get here within reach of you. I know you monitor agencies around the world."

"Excuse me what the hell are you talking about?" Grigor demanded but the girl continued undeterred.

"I am a Widow class operative, or at least I was before I escaped. There is a program called the Red Room where I was being brainwashed into becoming an assassin. There are other girls like me, being trained to kill and come after you."

Her voice caught and for the first time, I saw how fragile she really looked. Her blue eyes looked to be on the verge of tears and her fists were clenched.

"Please. You have to help them. I left Natasha alone in there when I promised we would escape together. I can't leave her there..." she whispered, so softly that the officers who were still sitting there stunned had to lean in.

"What the fuck is she talking about?" Grigor shouted to his colleague who shook his head in confusion.

"She wanted to be here."

"Yeah, I got that."

"Yet she's here for something else. Perhaps-"

His eyes widened and he shot up from the desk.

"What is it?" Grigor asked.

"The place is bugged! I'm gonna call the chief; he needs to know that the precinct is compromised."

With that, Alexi shot out of the room while Grigor was left there looking frustrated with the girl. She simply sat there looking lost in thought, whispering softly to herself. I knew that look on her face, the despair, the utter lack of motivation. She had lost or was contemplating the loss of someone she loved.

"Girl I have no idea what the hell is going on but that doesn't change the fact that we have you on several charges-"

"Do you think I care?" the girl gave out a broken sounding laugh.

"What?"

"Prison would be better than going back to that place. But that is a moot point."

"And why is that?"

"I'm leaving," she said as she got up from the desk.

"Are you for real? Do you not understand the situation you are in?" Grigor said incredulously as he still sat there.

"I think you will find that you are the one who has no idea what is going on" she replied as she walked over to him.

For a second, they held each other's gaze; two predators sizing each other up. Shockingly enough, it was Grigor who was first to break the stare as his eyes shot towards his belt as his hand went for the baton.

The girl moved.

Not as quick as this Black Widow that I had met but still faster than any girl her age.

Her fists lashed out, knocking his head back and leaving him semi-concussed. As he tried drunkenly to retaliate, she looped her handcuffed wrists over his head and pulled the chain back like a garotte wire.

His eyes bulged and his arms flailed desperately as he tried to force her off him. Yet, for all of his size and muscle, this small girl was riding him like a cowgirl and gradually his resistance fell silent.

The girl gently eased herself off him. Despite it all, she had made sure to keep him alive and she began to root through his body for the key.

That was when the door to the room opened and a small object was thrown inside.

The girl's eyes widened and then there was a white flash that filled the screen.

"What the hell was that?" I asked in shock as the screen let out a loud bang before falling dead silent.

"Flashbang grenade. It knocked out our audio from this point but we still were able to retain visuals" Fury said.

True to his word, the image cleared up to reveal-

Wait, what?

The girl was lying on the ground, still breathing judging by the rise and fall of her chest. Standing above her was a man. His face was concealed and his short brown hair wasn't much of a giveaway.

What really stood out was the metal arm.

An honest to god metal arm with a red star blazoned across the shoulder.

He was also dressed to kill with weapons adorning his body. From pistols to what looked like an assault rifle on his back, the man looked like a walking weapons platform.

"Who the fuck is that?" I demanded.

"Honestly? We don't really know either. He's as much a mystery as Black Widow is. The most we know is that he's been credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years but that number is just a prediction. Could be more, could be less" Fury said.

"He have a name?"

"The Winter Soldier" Pierce and Brock said ominously.

The Winter Soldier leant down and took the pulse of Grigor who was still lying there on the ground. After a few seconds to confirm, he grabbed Grigors neck and twisted it sharply to the side.

Instinctively I winced, the snapping of the neck was a very unpleasant way to go and was not as painless or quick as films would have you believe. I just hoped that he didn't feel it in his unconsciousness.

The Winter Soldier then leant down and checked for the girl but this time took out a pistol and checked the magazine.

"Tell he didn't" I begged and Brock looked at me sympathetically.

The Winter soldier slotted the magazine in and fired once. The girl's chest erupted with blood.

"Son of a bitch!" I whispered furiously.

"This was about all we got from this incident," Pierce said as the Winter Soldier picked up the girls corpse and left the camera's view.

"Was there any follow-up?" I asked.

"All of the officers involved in this case died. Presumably, the Winter Soldier had dispatched them. He also uploaded a potent virus into the system that wiped the records. Thankfully our bug had already sent us the data and the damage was local."

Pierce then shut the screen down and looked at us all in solemness.

"The information that this girl provided regarding the Widow operatives enabled us to locate several enemy agents within our ranks. Unfortunately, they all committed suicide upon capture. This girl was the biggest intel break we've had and even then she was silenced."

"What does this have to do with Black Widow?" I asked as I leant in closer.

"Like the Winter Soldier, there were rumours of a more powerful variant of Widow operative at play. An elite subclass if you will. An operative sent for the most ruthless and risky of operations, where the ordinary Widow would fail. Of course, this represents a major threat to us yet, by her very nature, she was impossible to track."

"Until today" Fury interjected.

"What?"

"You are the first and only viable witness she has left. That cannot be a coincidence. Tell us, why?" Pierce asked. His eyes were fervent and searching.

"I don't know."

"There must be something."

"Well, there was the note she left me on the Quinjet-"

"She did what?" Brock interrupted, looking at me in shock.

I got the note out of my belt and laid in front of them to read.

_**I don't leave a job half done. I don't know what you did to me but for your own good, stay out of my way. I never leave witnesses and you broke that rule today. These peoples lives are forfeit. I will not hesitate to do the same again if you continue to pursue me.**_

"What the hell is this? A threat?" Brock whispered.

"She mentioned that you did something to her. What was it? What did you do?" Pierce demanded eagerly.

Something about the way he asked me made me cautious. Perhaps it was the look in his eye or the complete disregard for the lives she had threatened. There was an ambitious gleam in his eye that made me wary.

"I don't know sir," I said, lying smoothly. I was going to keep the photo under wraps for now. Besides, I didn't really have an explanation myself.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Pierce pressed.

"Agent Barton would tell us if he knew. You have my word on that" Fury said, throwing his support in behind me. Fury was too good to be lied to; perhaps he had spied the ambitious gleam in Pierce's eyes like me.

Pierce didn't look like he wanted to let it go but he gave out a defeated sigh and backed up.

"Well regardless of what triggered her to behave so radically, its doubtful whoever employed her is going to like this behaviour. Leaving a witness, directly taunting them and sticking around after the mission to exact petty vengeance is hardly professional."

"So what are you suggesting?"

"There is a strong possibility she's gone rogue."

"Motherfucker!" Fury cursed, summing up the overall mood of the room quite aptly.

An enemy agent was trouble in of themselves. Yet at least they had coherent objectives and some semblance of standards, even within the chaotic and murky realm of spycraft.

A rogue agent operated on their own terms. They were beholden to no rules and were often unstable. They caused everyone a headache, especially for the former employer whose secrets were now at risk.

"The red room program that the girl mentioned in the footage was rumoured to be a Soviet program. Details are sketchy but from what we saw of their widow operatives, the girls were broken into emotionless machines designed to blend in and kill."

"When did it run?"

"From the '80s at least. We don't know if it is still ongoing. We believe it to be KGB led."

"I thought the KGB fell alongside the Soviet Union?" I wondered.

"Not all things are as dead as they often appear to be," said Pierce. His voice caught on the word dead.

Why?

"It is likely they simply went underground. But as ruthless as they were, this operative now represents a major threat to their operations" Fury continued Pierce's line of thought.

"This helps us how?" Brock asked.

"We are due to a meeting with the council after this. Despite them mostly just being useless finger waggers, they still can pull some very lucrative strings. And their words carry weight. I'll put forward the motion to approve a white flag agreement."

"Are you serious?" I gasped.

A white flag agreement effectively suspended hostilities for a greater cause. In this case, all of the agencies around the world would pool their resources into hunting Black Widow. It was basically a death warrant.

"Deadly serious. This operative represents a global security threat and its one that should be dealt with accordingly. I'll begin to assemble our task force for the coalition shortly after the council meeting" Pierce said, already turning away.

"Sir? If I may?" I asked.

"What is it?"

"I request to be on the task force."

Fury sighed, already predicting my request.

"Clint you know why we can't" Fury began.

"I need to see this through!" I insisted.

"She's seen your face. Sending you will make it more likely that the operation will be compromised. Not to mention the vendetta she has against you. Seeing you could destabilise her" Fury argued.

My mind flashed back to her reaction to seeing the photograph. It certainly had destabilised her.

But was it really for the worse?

"Sir, with respect, no one else will be able to handle her. They have no idea what she is capable of."

"They will be prepared and briefed-"

"That won't matter! I went in blind and, by some happy miracle, survived. They won't have that luxury."

"Gentlemen, the issue is moot anyway. We still need to secure the approval of the council" Pierce interjected into the argument.

"Well that's a foregone conclusion anyway," I said heatedly, still not wanting to let it go.

"Probably" Pierce agreed.

"Then how-"

"Tell you what. Lets compromise." Pierce interrupted.

"I'm listening," I said as I reclined backwards and Fury leant against the wall sceptically.

"Report to Agent Sitwell and he will have your request taken into consideration when you are sent to the shrinks for evaluation. They will judge if you are emotionally compromised. Sound fair?"

"Fair enough," I said.

With that, we left the room for our meeting with the council.

Sure enough, it was little more than a finger-wagging session with Pierce making fun of their concerns. Fury and I were appropriately humble and chastised for them to let the issue go.

Then the motion came up.

Black Widow was to be terminated.

Priority one.

True to Pierce's word, the council finally made themselves useful and secured the agreement of over fifty sovereign nations to put out a kill order for the Black Widow.

Suspect sketches, phone lines and news bulletins in many different languages across the globe were put out.

As I took the elevator down to meet with Agent Sitwell, my mind drifted to my insistence on accompanying the hunt for Black Widow. Sure I wanted to avenge the deaths of my friends. And she was certainly not innocent; her record was proof enough.

But there was also a nagging sense that something wasn't quite right.

Her words to me when she saw that photograph once again reverberated within my skull. I tried to shake them out, refusing to let them cloud my judgement.

They persisted nonetheless.

"Please help me."


	10. Genesis

_**Unknown location**_

_**Natasha's perspective**_

Pain.

That was the sensation that first hit me.

My head pounded with pain like it was sending morse code that screamed that something was very wrong. I felt like I was forgetting something important, something fundamental to my very being. Yet it remained ever elusive.

I became aware of the jostling and rumbling beneath my body. It was as though the very ground was trembling. As feeling returned to my body, I could feel the cool metal of the ground.

Where was I?

I finally recovered enough sense to open my eyes. I could make out very little in the dim light. It looked to be the interior of a storage space. Looking further on, I could see the mesh of wire and two figures behind it. Behind them, I could see the cold snow through the window.

It was clear I was in a vehicle of some kind and I was in the storage compartment. I heard hushed whispers and I realized I wasn't alone.

The dim light from the naked lightbulb that hung precariously from the ceiling revealed four huddled figures, hugging each other for comfort. Their shadows did little to reveal their features.

"Hello?" I offered, trying to disguise the tremble in my voice and failing.

"Do you know who you are?" asked one of the figures and I realised it was a girl.

"What?" I asked in bewilderment.

"Answer the question!" another figure asked. She too was a girl and she sounded both desperate and fearful.

"I'm-" I started to answer before I realised a terrible truth.

I didn't know.

I didn't know how old I was, what language I was even speaking, what happened to my family.

Worst of all.

I didn't even know my name.

"You don't remember either?" asked the first girl, her voice sounding crestfallen.

"No. What do you mean either?" I demanded, my head pounding more urgently. I got the feeling that my lack of memory regarding my past was only the tip of the iceberg.

"None of us know who we are. We've all just woken up here with no idea of what's going on. I have a faint recollection. Faces. Places. But I can't connect a meaning to any of them" said the second girl.

I walked further into the light to see the figures properly.

They were a group of four girls, each around the same age. If I had to hazard a guess, I would place them at about five years old. It would stand to reason I would probably be around that age as well.

There were two dark-haired girls; one with green eyes and another with hazel. Another, the one who had first addressed me, was a lighter brunette and blue eyes. The other girl was a strawberry blonde and had hazel eyes that shone with fear. They were all dressed in a featureless outfit almost like a uniform.

It struck me there and then that I didn't even know what I looked like. I felt myself begin to panic as I felt like a stranger in my own body.

"Hey, easy there! It's going to be okay" said the strawberry blonde soothingly as I felt tears well up and I began to shake uncontrollably. I staggered forward and met her outstretched embrace.

"Why has this happened to us?" I cried out as she gently stroked my hair.

"I don't know. We'll be fine if we just stick together" she said as the other girls looked at me with equal despair. I nuzzled the neck of the strawberry blonde as I let the tears out.

Wait.

It was hard to make out with the dim light but it looked like a hole, a pinprick, that blemished her skin.

"What's that?" I said and the other girls came over to see me pointing to the hole.

The strawberry blonde looked at me in fear as her eyes scanned our worried faces.

"Do you have it as well?" she asked and on closer inspection, we discovered similar holes.

That was when I was hit with the first semblance of memory. A group of figures. Burning flames. Strong hands holding me down. A pinprick.

Then darkness.

"I remember..." I whispered and the other girls looked at me in shock.

"What is it? What do you remember?" asked one of the dark-haired girls urgently.

"Figures holding me down. A pinprick and then darkness" I said slowly before my eyes widened.

Those monsters!

"Let us out of here! Let us out right now!" I screamed as I threw myself at the mesh wire that separated us from the drivers.

"Stop!" whispered the brunette urgently as she tried to drag me away.

"How dare you kidnap us! Let us go!" I continued as I fought her off.

There was muffled chatter from the front before a side door opened. In stepped one of the figures and I swallowed audibly.

He was a big behemoth of a man, rippling muscle and a shaved head. A big jagged scar ran across his left eye. He was dressed in an unmarked uniform and had a belt with several unknown objects hanging off them.

"What's with all the ruckus?" he rumbled and I stepped back instinctively in fear.

"Nothing we were just talking," said the strawberry blonde.

"No, we weren't!" I said boldly and she looked at me and began violently shaking her head.

The man stepped forward and I fought my instinct to step back.

He towered over me, his mouth curled in an amused smile. It was not the good kind though. It was twisted by cruelty.

"Care to repeat yourself then?" he asked softly.

I steeled my nerves and summoned up the courage to talk to him. I would demand our freedom and our lives back!

"You will let us all out of-"

SMACK!

His fist blurred and suddenly the left side of my face erupted with pain. I fell roughly to the ground, causing further pain to shoot up the left side of my body. I lay there on the ground, too shocked to cry as I looked up at the man as he stood there with a lecherous grin on his face.

"You do not make demands of me little girl," he said with a gentle smile as his hand took hold of one of the objects from his belt. It was long and thin with prongs on the end. He pressed the button on the handle and the end of the prongs hummed as electricity flowed between them.

I lay there, still stunned from his slap, as he began to lower the prongs towards my torso. I caught sight of the girls behind me and I silently begged them to help.

No one moved a muscle.

I could only watch in terror as those wicked prongs got closer and closer. I tried to move and he placed his boot on my torso, the pressure painful and keeping me pinned in place.

"Kliment! I need you back here" came a shout from the front and Kliment looked away annoyed.

"Why?"

"We have another pick up to make before we head back to headquarters."

"Another? We already have five, we've met our quota for this month."

"Weren't you here for the last staff meeting?"

"No, I was working in a private session with one of our... candidates."

"You lucky dog. Anyway, last month saw an increase in rejects so the quota was upped to six. We've got a candidate from viper team in Moscow and we are the closest collection team."

Kliment sighed and took his boot off me. I heaved a sigh of relief as I felt cool air replace the pressure on my torso.

ZAP!

I screamed in agony as he rammed the prongs onto my now exposed torso. My stomach muscles cramped and seized as pain shot up my spine. I bucked wildly as I tried desperately to break the contact, my mind fixated on nothing else but the feeling of the electricity rippling across the surface of my skin.

I met the eyes of the man doing this to me, hurting me. His eyes were ecstatic and his mouth was twisted into a sadistic smile. No man alive could do this.

Only a monster could.

Then, just like that, the pain was gone.

I was faintly aware of the monster removing the prongs from my torso and leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Try that again and I won't be so gentle. You've made an impression, little red. You may regret that in the future. Assuming you have one."

His words and the implications that dripped from his tongue chilled my heart with fear and I was faintly aware of my lower body becoming very wet.

He looked at my trousers and the darkened patch that was quickly growing. His lip curled in disgust as he got up and waved the putrid smell of urine away from his face.

"You disgusting little whore. You just had to go and piss yourself, didn't you? The madame doesn't tolerate poor hygiene."

He stormed through the door and returned seconds later with a fresh pair of trousers and underwear.

"Change," he said with a nod.

I hesitantly got to my feet, still unsteady after being shocked and picked the garments up. They were just as featureless as the current ones but they were clean at least.

"Go on," he said.

"I can't if you're watching me" I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I can't change if you're watching me," I said louder and the other girls looked at me aghast.

"Can't or won't?" he said as his hand drifted back to that evil stick.

"Please" I begged, tears threatening to break free again.

"You will get changed now. Or I can start breaking things. Starting with that pretty face of yours."

I swallowed any semblance of pride and identity as I pulled my garments off. Thankfully the other girls turned their backs to allow some measure of privacy but the monster kept his gaze firmly on me. He knew the power he was exercising over me. In my haste to get out from under his burning gaze, I nearly tore a hole in the trousers which got a warning noise from him. Thankfully I finally managed to get dressed.

"I take it the lesson has been learned and you will keep quiet now?" he asked.

I nodded mutely, not trusting myself to speak.

He gave me one last look of warning before finally shutting the door and leaving us alone.

"I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do!" tried the brunette before falling silent under my dead-eyed stare.

There was an uncomfortable silence that ran for the remainder of the journey as I hugged my knees and gazed vacantly into the darkness. The others were whispering among themselves but their conversation no longer interested me.

They just sat there and let that monster have his way with me.

I couldn't trust them.

I couldn't trust anyone.

"Told you I was right" whispered a voice from behind.

I whipped around to see nothing. I listened, straining myself trying to hear that voice again. It felt oddly familiar.

Nothing.

Before I could ponder it any further, the vehicle ground to a halt and I could hear the driver doors opening and closing as they exited the vehicle.

I pressed my ear to the wall as I could faintly hear the conversation outside.

"-right mess. How did she manage to incapacitate any of you, let alone two?" demanded the driver.

"If you are best security detail the red room has to offer, how much longer can we expect to keep the candidates secure?" added the monster.

"We were poorly prepped. HQ compiles the details of the targets and we work accordingly. Since the increase to six candidates per collection group, the intelligence on the sixth candidate was poor. She feigned weakness, as though she was a helpless street urchin, before lashing out and taking out Demetri and Viktor" said a new voice as they moved to the back of the vehicle.

"Well, I'm sure the boss will be especially happy with this group of candidates then. Perhaps so much so that he reduces the quota back down to five."

"Seems like a pipe dream."

"Maybe not. Between this one and the redhead? Petrovitch has his work cut out for him."

Redhead?

The monster called me little red. Did he mean me?

I felt queasy.

The fact that I didn't even know my hair colour was horrific. Another piece of my identity that was stolen from me.

The doors opened, revealing a blinding white light that forced us, girls, to shield our eyes as they adjusted to the brightness. Several figures came into focus as they threw a misshapen shape into the back before closing the doors again. I found myself drawn to the shape.

As my eyes once again adjusted to the light levels, I could see that it was indeed a girl. I could see her dressed in the same featureless uniform like the others and it struck me that they had to have stripped us and gotten us into the uniform. All without our knowledge.

I shuddered in revulsion.

I then noticed that none of the other girls even made an effort to acknowledge the new girl. They were deliberately averting their gaze. I caught the eye of the strawberry blonde and she looked back at me with such venom that I took a step back.

"Don't even try to make nice with us" she whispered viciously as the vehicle started back up.

"What?" I asked in confusion. They were the ones who left me to the devices of that monster!

"We overheard the conversation they had just the same as you. You and that freak are something special, aren't you? And that talk of rejects? Is that all we are? Rejects?" She gave out a strange-sounding laugh that sounded like hysteria.

"What are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter. I thought that perhaps for a second if we stuck together, we could get out of here. I see what game we are playing now. Winner takes all. And there is only one seat at the winner's table."

I bit back the objection that was rising in my throat. She was speaking a certain kind of sense. Could I fault her? Especially given their earlier betrayal.

I looked down at the girl in my lap. Her blonde hair parted to reveal a heart-shaped face with dainty lips. She began to stir and opened her eyes to reveal sky blue orbs.

I was enchanted.

She looked up at me with fear and scrambled out of my grasp.

"Where am I? What's going on?" she demanded as her gaze jumped from me to the other girls.

They looked back at her with naked hostility. I could have easily done the same, yet I felt compelled to help her.

"You've been kidnapped alongside the rest of us," I said as I relayed the conversation Viper team had with our drivers.

"What?" she whispered in confusion once I finished.

"I know it sounds crazy-"

"No, I can believe that. What worries me is the fact that I can't remember anything."

"Same here. Maybe it will come back in time."

"And if it doesn't?" Her blue eyes searched mine desperately.

I shrugged my shoulders wordlessly. All we could do was hope.

She turned her attention the wire mesh as she peered through at the drivers.

"Who are these people? And why have they taken us? Where are they taking us?"

"I don't know."

"Well I'm not just going to sit here and wait to find out," she said fiercely as she made to slam her fist on the door.

"Don't" I cried out as I snatched her wrist.

She looked at me angrily and wrenched her wrist from my grasp.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"I've tried," I said, my tone failing to disguise the pain.

Her eyes widened and the anger drained from her features. She left the door and we sat down together against the wall.

"What happened?" she asked, her lips trembling.

Wordlessly I pulled my top up to reveal my torso. The skin was bright red and blistered from the contact. It still stung even now but it was a far cry from the agony that full contact brought.

"What kind of monsters would do something like this?" she whispered, her tone coated in unbridled rage.

"I don't know. And I suspect there will be worse monsters at our destination. Wherever that may be."

Maybe it was the way she was looking at me. Big full eyes that shone with righteous indignation or her gentle grip on my wrists. Or maybe it was the sudden weight of reality. That this was only the start of the nightmare.

Regardless of the cause, I collapsed into her arms and began to weep uncontrollably.

"I swear to you, we are getting out here together. No matter the cost" she whispered into my ear as I let my terror and pain drain into her warm embrace.

"NO! You are not supposed to trust anyone! Who the hell is this bitch?! How is she so important to us and yet she didn't leave any impression?" Screamed that familiar voice again.

I didn't bother to go looking for it.

This girl was all I needed to get through this hell.


	11. An Unpleasant reality

_**Tony's perspective**_

_**Stark tower aftermath - Several hours later**_

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I began to make the appropriate adjustments. The program was going to work; had to work. If it didn't, I would be right back where I started.

Helpless in the face of the mess I had made.

I had screwed up before. Many times from giving Pepper the one thing she was allergic to (which in my defence I knew they were important, I just didn't know how) to selling weapons to living breathing terrorists.

You know the usual.

It was somehow worse this time around. Maybe because it was so personal or perhaps I had finally crossed a line that I should never have crossed. Natasha was, after all, one of the team. Sure she didn't have the finances like I did, the boy scout spirit of Cap, the raw power of the Hulk, the intellect of Bruce or the powers of a literal God.

Yet both Clint and Natasha kept their feet planted firmly on the ground. They knew their limits and what they were capable of. It allowed them to be an invaluable asset when we needed them to be and avoided at being a hindrance when they weren't needed.

But when it came to Natasha, it went even deeper.

Back when she had adopted the Natalie Rushman persona, she had witnessed me at my lowest. And if you knew what I was like, it was buried somewhere beneath the earth's crust the depth I sunk to. I was dying from the very thing that was keeping me alive, the Palladium poisoning eating away at my life.

I pushed the people around me away as I began to slowly self destruct.

She saw me and, rather than judge me (her narcissism report was very true), she cared for me. Perhaps she had been that low in her past. The thought hadn't even occurred to me until now. She gave me advice on the night of my party. Something that echoed Ho Yinsen's words that fateful night all those years ago.

When he told me to not to waste my life.

"I would do whatever I wanted. With whoever I wanted to do it with."

Perhaps I had taken her advice the wrong way. Perhaps I didn't. Rhodey turned out to be the man I had hoped he was and, though I would never say it to his face, the War Machine suit was a natural fit. Natalie would have proven to be an incredible asset to Pepper in protecting her from threats as the CEO of Stark industries. With the looks of an unassuming woman and the skills of a master assassin, Pepper would have been untouchable.

Speaking of Pepper...

"JARVIS could you please place a call to Pepper?"

"Sir, with respect, she will most likely be asleep. Not everyone entertains such odd sleeping hours as you do sir" JARVIS said back in that crisp and efficient tone.

He was doing a lot better than the early versions I had experimented with. So much so that he deserved to be called a he. He had wit, he cared, he was more than his programming.

Though if this sceptre proved to be what I hoped it was...

"Have you been seeing other humans JARVIS? I thought I was your human! I trusted you!" I said with mock horror.

"Yes, sir. I monitor everyone in the building per your I-SPY protocol. The only one who matches your erratic sleep pattern is Natasha Romanoff."

That stung.

As if I needed another reason to think about her. And what I did.

"Call Pepper anyway. Even if it goes to voicemail, I just need to hear her voice."

"Yes, sir. And should I leave a message if it does?"

"No need. She'll understand why."

The dial tone came and went as JARVIS predicted. Even so, hearing Peppers voice brought tears to my eyes.

"Hello, you have reached the inbox of Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries. If it is business-related, please stick to the business line and I will assume this was an honest mistake. If not, I'll have Iron Man drop in for a visit. Speaking of which, if it's you, Tony who's calling me, you are amazing honey and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

God, how old was her voicemail? Calling me honey? Ever since Killian and the aftermath of New York, we had been going through a rough patch. Despite what I had told the others, Pepper and I were on a break. She needed to get the company back in peak performance after the last couple of world-ending events had taken its toll.

But that was just an excuse. What she needed was a break from me.

"Ah! Fuck!" I cursed, my thoughts on Pepper momentarily causing me to lose focus and lose all the changes I had made to the program.

"Language."

My head shot up to see the boy scout himself leaning against the doorway to the lab. He was still dressed in the same outfit he wore to the party, the uniform marred by blood and water. The purple ring around his throat glistened in the lab lights and his eyes were bloodshot. He still had that godforsaken grin on his face, like nothing could keep him down.

"Didn't think you would be up. Too much time as a capsicle makes sitting still uncomfortable?"

"You know me. Can't just sit there. If I do that, I start to think."

"And that's when the nightmares start coming" I finished.

He nodded wordlessly.

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly do you have nightmares about? Not being promoted to patrol leader? Having your explorer badge taken away?"

Steve visibly bit back a retort as he pondered my words. Several seconds passed and I wondered if I had gone too far before he started talking.

"Peggy. I owed her a dance all those years ago. I still hear her begging for me to pull up, to come back to her. But when I did, all these years later, it all fell apart. She moved on. Had kids. Had a life. Without me."

I gestured to the stool I pulled up beside me and he gratefully sat down. I remained engrossed with my modifications as he continued.

"She was one of my only connections to the past. The world that I belonged to. The other, the Winter Soldier you heard of? He's my best friend."

"And yet he seems a little off his meds if you ask me."

"Not his choice."

"So your girlfriend has left you and your best friend is sending out some seriously mixed signals. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?"

Steve laughed at that.

"Well it's not all doom and gloom. I have the team, I have Sam-"

"Sam? I saw him with you tonight, how was he?"

"Amazing guy. Loyal to a fault and would follow us into hell if that was required."

"Remind you of anyone?"

Steve's face furrowed in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Oh right you wouldn't have seen the similarities, would you? That would have made you an egotist to like someone so very much like yourself."

"And you have a monopoly on that department."

"Touche."

"There is also Natasha" Steve mumbled, sounding almost nervous. I looked at him properly and was astounded to see him blushing like a schoolboy.

"Now there is a relationship I never thought I would see. You two have got to be the most polar opposite people I've ever met. But maybe that's why you are so attracted to each other."

"A-attracted?!" Steve spluttered.

I turned around and gave him _the look._

"Are you kidding me, Rogers? The sexual tension is so thick between you, you could cut it with a chainsaw."

"That's ridiculous. We are just friends!" Steve insisted.

"JARVIS pull up video footage Romanogers, case file #034" I said with a smug smile.

"Romanogers? You actually have, oh what's the word the kids use? A ship? That's right. A ship name for this?"

"Oh yes, I do. Now if you would like to observe."

The footage began to play from several weeks back after the raid on the HYDRA base in Mongolia. Natasha had taken a bad hit during the battle. It seemed that HYDRA had either targeted her due to seeing her as the weakest link or perhaps they thought she was the one who kept discovering their hidden bases.

Regardless their assumption was proven to be very wrong as she gracefully danced and spun in a mesmerising display of acrobatics and death. Really it was our fault that she got hurt as we sat back and just watched as the angel of death herself got to work. We were so caught up that we didn't notice a HYDRA sharpshooter line up a shot and hit her in the back.

She swiftly returned fire and crawled to cover as Thor flew to the sharpshooter and flung him into the sky. Moments later he fell back to earth screaming before falling silent as Thor grabbed him and placed him in front of a very angry Clint who promptly beat the shit out of the unfortunate soul.

Thankfully the majority of HYDRA had been dealt with and we were able to evacuate mere minutes later. She was quiet on the way back, unwilling to talk to anyone. She was just as stoic and quiet when we set her up in the medical suite. However, I had left the cameras running as I always do when someone's in the medical suite and what they captured proved to be most interesting.

"Am I intruding?" Steve asked in the footage as he poked his head through the door.

Natasha looked up from the book she was reading _Pride and Prejudice_ and smiled.

"Not at all," she said warmly.

"Good read?" Steve nodded to the book.

"I've read it countless times before. Clint dropped it off an hour ago. He knows how much I love it."

"Didn't peg you for being a romantic."

"Oh really? Whatever gave you that impression?"

"Well, the name Black Widow for one. Don't they devour the male?"

Natasha's smile faded and her expression became guarded.

"It's only a name, Steve."

"But I heard-"

"Forget it, Steve. The red room gave me that name because of my skills and their expectations for me. They also called me the Red Death and the Slavic Shadow. But they don't control me and I made the name my own."

"I'm sorry" Steve whispered as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Natasha sighed in irritation and placed the book down.

"Did you come here just to annoy me or is there another reason you are here?"

"Like what?" Steve sounded genuinely surprised.

"Fury wants a debriefing? Does Stark want weapon diagnostics on my batons? Does Thor want to know when I'm up for another drinking game after he lost the last one?"

"No no! At least not that I'm aware of."

"Then why are you here Steve?"

"Because I was worried about you."

Natasha's expression faltered for a second and I could see the raw surprise and vulnerability behind the mask. Then the mask came back on with a lopsided smirk.

"Worried? Why?"

"You got shot, Nat. Isn't that enough?"

"I get shot all the time. Well, not all the time as that would mean I screwed up. But it happens in my line of work. Why is this suddenly a big deal?"

"You're one of the team and if you get hurt out there, that's on me."

"It's all on you? Ego much?"

"Nah that's Tony's department"

"True that."

I paused the footage and shot an amused grin at Steve.

"Didn't realise I was that much of an inside joke to you all."

"If you knew, it wouldn't be an inside joke, would it? Besides you don't want to know what Clint and Natasha call you behind your back."

Steve then wrung his hands nervously.

"Are you quite done Stark? I still don't see what convinced you that I'm attracted to her."

"Why so worried? Is it because you know what's coming next?" I said with a confident smirk before playing the remaining footage.

Natasha then sat up using her elbows, grimacing in pain as she tried to adjust her position. Steve ran to her side and tried to help her up but she batted his hands away.

"Steve I don't need your concern. The others get hurt on these missions just the same as I do. Hell, just last week, Tony got pretty beat up when his suit ran out of power and he had to go toe to toe with a HYDRA goon."

"He should have ducked out before his suit shut down."

"Well, the goon did call his mother fat. You really expect Stark to sit that one out?"

"Fair enough."

"My point is Steve that I'm going to get hurt and there is no other job I would rather be doing. So why are you so concerned about my well being?"

"Because that's what friends do."

Natasha paused and looked at his frank and open face. Then her mask slipped but this time, I think she did it on purpose. The look of surprise, affection and something I call desire radiated out of her eyes and was matched by the tender gaze of Steve.

"This is your proof?" Steve asked as I closed the footage.

"Yep."

"I mean that's just- I- well- did you miss the part where I said, friend?!" Steve spluttered desperately.

I laughed and he looked at me aghast.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, sir?" JARVIS replied, still as cool as ever but I liked to imagine there was a tone of amusement in his voice as well.

"What was that phrase I had you search up? To describe their relationship?" I said, smirking confidently at Steve's conflicted face.

"Hornier than two dogs in heat?" JARVIS replied.

"What?!" Steve shouted.

"Oh god no! I meant that long word! You know the other one!" I said, desperately trying to cover my mistake.

"Mamihlapinatapai," said JARVIS with what I could swear was a hint of mischief. He must have known what I was after and instead chose to embarrass me.

"What on earth does that mean?" Steve asked as I finished the touches to the program and began to run tests to see if the program was ready to be deployed.

"JARVIS? Define mamihlapinatapai."

"A look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin. Though I will add that it is one of the hardest words out there to translate and other meanings are possible-"

"Thank you JARVIS, that will be all," I said and JARVIS let the matter go.

"So you are saying that we both want to start something?" Steve said disbelievingly.

"Sure. You are a good man, much to my annoyance, and she likes that in a guy. She's smoking hot and is a total badass. From what I read of Peggy Carter, she seems like a natural fit."

"I'm not looking for a replacement to Peggy!" Steve shouted but I noted it lacked the ferocity I would have expected.

"All I'm saying is that you two are amazing together. You do each other good, cover each other's weaknesses and complement each other's strengths. Natasha would welcome it."

"Because you are clearly such a good judge of character when it comes to Natasha," Steve said with venom and I took a step back out of fear. His fists were curled and I could see a tear begin to roll down his cheek.

"Rogers-"

"You screwed up tonight Stark. Big time."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Does it matter?"

"What?"

Steve got up and this time I stood my ground. He got up close and held my gaze, his piercing blue eyes paralysing me.

"I've read the reports. Even after New York, you still hadn't changed. That incident with Killian? Born out of your arrogance and hubris."

"Woah those are some big words there, Cap," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Coming from the man who used Mamihlapinatapai?"

"What's your point?"

Steve looked at me and his gaze softened.

"You're a good man Tony. Whatever happens, remember that. Deep down, you are a good man. I just wish you would dig deep for it before you open your mouth sometimes."

I nodded wordlessly. A fair analysis.

BEEP!

Our attention was drawn back to the monitor where my program alerted me that it was finally done running trial runs.

"So what exactly have you been working on before I intruded?" Steve asked as I surveyed the results.

"A way to see into Natasha's head."

"What? Christ's sake Tony!" Steve said as he began to pace the lab.

"It will work I promise you. The program was going to be unveiled at the expo next year but with a few adjustments, it should work for our purposes. Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, or B.A.R.F."

"Barf?"

"Yeah, I really gotta work on that acronym. The man who designed it, Quentin Beck? Wasn't best pleased with the name and developed a bit of a god complex. Claimed he was the next big Steve Jobs or hell even the next me. Had to let him go and tell him to go get some help."

"How does this help us?"

"Bruce and I have been exploring the capabilities of Loki's sceptre and we discovered that it has the aptitude for Artificial intelligence. A true A.I. As much as I love JARVIS, this thing will make him seem like a TI-82."

"Slow down. A what?"

"TI-82."

Steve looked at me blankly.

"It's a calculator model. Look what I'm trying to say is that this sceptre could be the key to kickstarting artificial intelligence."

"What the hell does this have to with Natasha?"

"The human brain is incredibly complex. Helen said it herself just how much of it is unknown. There are so many neurons and countless possible connections that make every person unique. What I propose is that the A.I. scans her brain and maps her neurons and connections to create a simulation of her brain. We can see which parts of the brain are active and recreate her brain chemistry. Then, using B.A.R.F, we simulate what's going on."

"Sweet Jesus" Steve whispered.

"I know it's a wild stab in the dark and we might not even get that much-"

"No, I'm just astounded at how far you will go."

"Huh?" I asked in confusion and he grabbed me very suddenly by the shirt.

"How far will you go to play the hero? What you are doing is invading Natasha's thoughts, the core of who she is to be displayed and mocked."

"Excuse me sunshine, I'm not mocking anyone," I said back, not even trying to break his grip.

"Oh really? I'm sure you are just as willing to showcase your most private and intimate thoughts to the world."

"Honestly? It would be a right laugh."

"Must everything be a constant joke to you?" Steve shouted with disgust.

"Only funny things. And this is funny."

"Care to explain to this old veteran then? Because I fail to see what is so damn funny."

"Natasha is down. We don't know the state of her mind or whether we need to do something to help her. I've got a solution. And you're arguing."

Before Steve could open his mouth to retort, the monitor let off a loud siren.

"Jeez what is that racket?" Steve winced as he let me go and covered his ears.

I dashed over to the monitor to confirm my worst fears. The camera in the medical suite had flagged up something unusual. And that was an understatement, to say the least.

Natasha was writhing in the bed, her mouth open as she screamed, the volume inaudible through the camera. I could see Helen, who had been snoozing in the chair nearby, jump in shock before running to Natasha's side.

"It's Natasha. Something is happening to her" I said as I rushed out the door. I didn't need to look behind me to know Steve was following.

We made it to the medical suite in record time to see Helen changing Natasha's bedpan, stained with urine.

"What the hell's going on?" I demanded and Helen looked at me startled.

"Mr Stark? Cap? What are you doing here?"

"Got an alert that something was amiss. Is Nat okay?" Steve asked as he crossed over to her side.

"I honestly don't know. Her condition is most confusing."

"How so?" I asked with my arms folded.

"Given that it was cyanide poisoning that reduced her to this state, we should have seen some recovery at this point. But that has not been the case. If anything, she's sunk deeper into some kind of coma. I was going to consult my colleagues back in Seoul when I realized just how tired I was and laid down to sleep. I'm sorry."

"Don't blame yourself, you've worked miracles before and if anyone deserves a rest, it's you," I said and she looked at me gratefully.

"Oh my God! Oh, sweet Jesus!" Steve moaned with a horrified tone.

"What? What is-" I started before I fell silent.

Steve had lifted Natasha's hospital gown that Helen had changed her into to reveal her torso. It was usually unblemished from the rare occasions I got to see it except for the scar by her belly button that Steve told me she got from an encounter with the Winter Soldier. At least it was unblemished before today.

Now the skin surrounding her belly button was bright red and mottled. There were two dark holes shaped almost like prongs above her belly button and there was a disgusting odour in the air besides urine. The scent of burnt human flesh.

"No that can't be right. That wasn't there before!" Helen insisted, her eyes wide with panic.

"Stark are you sure no one else has been in this room?" Steve asked, his eyes manic and desperate.

"JARVIS? Has there been anyone else in this room since 11:30 PM?" That was when everyone went to bed.

"No, sir."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely sure. Miss Romanoff's wound is indeed recent based on the medical diagnostics you have given me but there is no immediate cause I can deduce. It is, as you say, most perplexing."

My hand shot to my chest as pain shot through my body. It often hurt when I was feeling stressed but the surgery didn't help things. My new heart still took time getting used to, though it made a vast improvement over the arc reactor. At least I could scratch my chest now when it got itchy compared to scratching uselessly at the metal. It was weird how it got itchy considering it was artificial but that was phantom pain.

Wait.

"No way!" I exclaimed aloud and they both looked at me.

"What is it Stark?" Steve asked.

"I was just thinking about how my arc reactor used to get itchy even though I had no nerves there."

"Phantom pain" Helen nodded before her eyes widened.

"Oh yes," I said, already anticipating her question.

"Yes? Yes to what?" Steve asked looking lost.

"Phantom pain or phantom sensations come from things that are no longer there. The most common example of this is with amputees feeling sensation or pain in their missing limb. This is often due to the nervous system adapting in unpredictable ways to the loss of the limb" Helen explained.

"In this case, Natasha seems to be experiencing pain from memory. Whatever she's thinking of, whatever she's going through in there, she's also experiencing it in reality."

"Sweet Jesus!" Steve exclaimed.

I was momentarily elated that I found an explanation that made sense. Then I was overcome by such a powerful sense of dread, it sent me staggering back against the wall.

"Oh my god! God help her!" I moaned out.

"What?"

"If I am right, and I hope to God I'm not, then it's only going to get worse."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's experiencing all the pain from her memories. Whether that be from her childhood, her assassin training or her field operations, she's experiencing it all again. She may not even be experiencing it in real-time, perhaps a condensed amount where the most intense memories stand out. How can her body survive under the strain of all of that pain? Especially if she doesn't get the medical care that allowed her to survive the injuries she sustained when she actually got hurt?"

Steve's mouth moved up and down but no sound came out. He was stunned. Helen was working through the implications of my words and came to a similar conclusion. If we couldn't find a way to wake her up soon, her memories and the pain she suffered would consume her.

"This is why we need that program, Steve. If we know what she's going through, we know how best to treat her!" I said.

I didn't bother waiting for his approval. I was going to save my friend the best way I knew. Through intellect and technical brilliance.

At least that was the plan before I tried the door and it wouldn't open.

"What the hell?" I said aloud before I jumped back as a metal bulkhead came screaming down to seal the door. Other bulkheads followed suit around the room before we were completely sealed inside.

"What is this Stark?" Steve asked as Helen looked around in fright.

"This isn't me," I said as I met his eyes in equal confusion.

"No, that would be me" came a very familiar voice.

JARVIS.


	12. Hunt or be Hunted

_**Clint's perspective**_

_**Flashback to 2005**_

"What do you want me to say?"

Sitwell's words echoed around the room after my outburst.

It had been a week since the meeting and the kill order for Black Widow.

In all of that time, Sitwell had been giving me the run-around, insisting he had more important matters to attend to. When I had finally cornered him and forced him into giving me an examination, he had spent most of the session "establishing a rapport".

Whatever his excuses, it felt like he was delaying.

I had met up with the rest of the team, notably Rumlow. He had already been cleared by Sitwell and was appointed to the task force by Pierce himself. The speed at which he had been processed and the involvement of Pierce made me suspicious.

Pierce had been unusually interested in me since my encounter, always circling back to the question of my survival. I suppose it made sense due to the nature of our quarry but there was a danger hidden beneath.

"Do you suppose Pierce knows more than he's letting on?" I had asked Fury, finding an opportunity to talk to him between the security briefings.

"Of course. He may not have taken the job of a spy but it's in his blood just the same as us."

"Sir, I can't help but think that perhaps-"

"What are you implying Barton?"

"That Pierce may have a more intimate connection with Black Widow than he's letting on."

Fury had stopped and rounded on me with anger in his eyes.

"You listen here, Barton. Alexander is one of the greatest people I've had the privilege of knowing and I will not let you slander him with baseless accusations. Find me some hard proof and until you do, you will exercise your right to remain silent. Am I understood?"

I nodded silently, fighting the urge to quip how odd it was a for a master spy to trust someone as much as he did.

"Agent Barton?"

I shook back to attention, my gaze drawn to Sitwell.

He studied me behind those cheap wire-rimmed glasses, his face dispassionate and detached. We were in his office, the furnishings simple but well polished. It had a strange sort of symmetry to it, as though everything had to follow a strict order.

The only thing that didn't follow this order was a drinking bird toy that sat on the desk in front of us. It's dipping head kept incessantly touching the water.

Always thirsty, never satisfied.

I reclined further back into the chair as Sitwell waited for some kind of answer.

"I'm sorry?" I asked in confusion.

"I asked what you would like me to say. You seem impatient to be let onto the task force, so much so that you are willing to skip this very crucial process."

"It's unnecessary!" I insisted.

"Really? Witnessing the death of your teammates in such a gruesome manner as well as blaming yourself subconsciously given her vendetta against you. On top of that, they were your friends. Tell me, how long have you known Anna Goldcrest?"

"Four years," I said, gripping the armrests tightly.

"Bruce Hawthorne?"

"Five years."

"Would you describe the relationship with these two as close?"

"What do you want from me? Yes, we were close, so what?"

Sitwell took off his glasses and began to polish them absentmindedly.

"Barton I can't help but feel you are unsuited for fieldwork at the moment. Not while you are carrying these emotions of denial and rage. You would only prove to be a hindrance and with the danger that this fugitive represents, we cannot afford any mistakes."

"I'm fine!" I exclaimed as I got up and leant over him.

He looked back at me dispassionately.

"It is hardly the first time though is it Barton?"

"Don't you dare!" I warned him but he ploughed on regardless.

"The very same signs were present a year ago. With the death of your daughter."

Son of a bitch!

"Those files were closed," I said tightly.

"True," Sitwell agreed.

"Then why-"

Sitwell grabbed my arm and held his fingers to my wrist. For a few seconds, I was too shocked to react before I yanked my hand out of his grip.

"Elevated pulse. A sign of stress. Your lips are parched, your pupils dilated. You are avoiding my gaze, you are barely holding yourself together, swaying backwards and forwards."

All of the things he was saying were true. That didn't make him right.

"All of these are just the physical signs of grief. The psychological signs are going to be much worse and we don't need those hitting when you are going to be the most vulnerable."

Sitwell finally stood and left me standing in the middle of his office, mouth agape in indignation but I could not find the words to contradict him. He lingered by the doorway and shot me a pitying look.

"I'm sorry Agent Barton. You will be off duty for the next six months. Minimum."

With that, he left.

Six months?

As good as this Black Widow was, no one could run forever. And with the whole world on the hunt, it was going to be a lot less than six months.

As I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, I wondered if he was right.

What did I hope to gain from joining the hunt?

The end result was the same regardless of my presence.

Did I owe Anna and Bruce to see this to the end?

And what of those words that haunted me these past nights?

"Please help me."

Was she genuine?

Was she messing with me?

Why did this have to be so complicated?

"Fuck!" I cursed aloud as I picked up that blasted drinking bird toy and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall with a satisfying crack.

"Things did not go well I take it?" came a familiar voice from the doorway and I spun around.

She was dressed in a blue blouse and grey pants, switching her colour palette this time around.

"Sharon Carter isn't it?" I asked as I came up to her and shook her hand warmly.

"Good to see I made an impression. I kind of just fade in around here" she said with a sigh.

"Really? With your looks?" I asked incredulously.

"Watch yourself Hawkeye, you could get yourself into trouble if you aren't careful."

"Relax I'm married" I grinned, flashing my wedding ring.

"Playtime over already?" Sharon said with a disappointed pout.

"And you call Rumlow an incubus" I laughed.

"Oh, he deserves that title if you heard of his reputation amongst the medical staff. Sandra, our head physician, was unamused when word got to her. Gave him a right tongue lashing. It's all in good fun though. Have you seen him around anywhere?"

"Not since yesterday. He's been busy with the task force the council put together. Can't believe they cleared him and not me."

"Is that why you threw Lago against the wall?" Sharon asked as she surveyed the broken remains of the toy.

"It has a name?"

"It's my pet name for it. About the only thing in this room with personality."

"Sitwell spends most of his time here."

"As I said, the only thing with a personality. I named it after the bird in Aladdin-"

"Let me guess, Sitwell is Jafar?"Sharon nodded and I grinned in amusement.

"Hey, Clint!" called another voice from down the hall.

We turned to see Jada hurrying up to us, her black hair curled in a very business-like and no-nonsense manner. She was dressed in the standard SHIELD uniform, though it struggled to contain her impressive physique.

"How the hell have you been girl?" I said as I met her strong embrace with fondness.

"Okay. Recovering" she said, a sad look coming over her features.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry! I was so caught up with Anna and Bruce, I didn't realize you were hurting."

"Yeah. Thought I could tough it out, especially with everyone else falling to pieces. To be the beacon of hope."

"Who did you lose?" Sharon asked softly.

"Kelly. The pilot. Before I came to SHIELD, I was in the army. I served in the 3rd SFG Airborne. Kelly was my friend from high school, she got me through basic training before she became my platoons pilot. Transferred to SHIELD together back in 1999 and been together ever since. Until now."

"I'm sorry," I said and Jada nodded wordlessly.

"I just hope they catch the monster who did this and make her pay," Sharon said venomously.

Jada's face lit up at that yet I couldn't summon the same eagerness.

Like it or not, Widow's plea for help had destabilised me, cost me my objectivity. There had to be a reason for her to say those words, even if it ended up being manipulation.

Maybe I needed a second opinion.

"Speaking of which, there's a lot of activity going on in the operations room. I was actually on my way there before I bumped into you two" said Jada.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, Pierce got something in the mail and, after going through the standard security checks, found something that's really exciting. At least, I assume from the hive of activity going on."

I shot a bemused look at Sharon who shrugged and, without needing to vocalise our agreement, we made our way to the operations room.

"Could you excuse me for a moment?" I said as I got my phone out.

Jada and Sharon glanced at each other before nodding and stepping into the operations room.

I dialled the number and waited.

"Honey? Is that you?" came her sweet but tired voice.

Laura.

"Yes."

"Where are you? You haven't said a word to me in over a week. Has something happened?"

"You know I can't tell you. Classified."

"So don't tell me," she said with a smile in her voice and I knew she could work it out.

"Onto an unrelated topic then. How would you feel if you wanted to help someone?"

"Easy. I would help them," she said without hesitation.

"So would I. What if we add some more circumstances? What if they were lying, taking advantage of your mercy to get to you? If that was a legitimate risk, would you still do it?"

There was a long pause and I wondered if she had even heard me. But then as I went to repeat the question, she spoke.

"Yes."

"Despite the risk, you would still do it?" I asked in surprise.

"You have to believe that people can be saved, Clint. In doing so, maybe they will believe it themselves."

I chewed over that. It was risky. No, it was madness to consider. But perhaps she was right. Black Widow could have very easily killed me on that roof.

Yet she stayed her hand.

Of course, she then promptly murdered my friends in what was an oddly personal and savage manner.

Something didn't add up.

"Clint?"

"Oh, sorry honey. I was just distracted."

"Are you busy?"

"Well I need to be somewhere," I said, waving Sharon away as she poked her head out and gestured at me to come in.

"Well don't let me keep you."

As I went to hang up, she spoke again.

"Clint. One last thing."

"Yeah?"

"About believing the best in people... I'm going to move back in."

I nearly dropped the phone in shock.

"You are doing what?"

"I convinced myself that staying with my parents was the best way of dealing with my grief. In reality, in some really fucked up way, I was blaming you. I'm sorry, you were in just as much pain as I was. You deserve better."

"Laura..."

"I'm moving back in. If you'll have me?" She asked, her voice catching as though it was about to break.

"Of course. I just wish I could be there to welcome you."

"Well focus on your work. I know how important it is to you and the good you do. I'll be here, ready to welcome my hero. No matter how long that may be."

"Thanks, honey, I don't deserve you."

"No, you don't. But I don't deserve you either. So how about we call it even?"

"Deal. See you when I see you."

"Goodbye, Clint. Love you."

"Love you more."

"Love you most"

She hung up on that.

I tucked the phone away and let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. It had been a long and brutal year for us both. But we were in it together, till death do us apart.

I reluctantly put Laura out of my mind and went to the operations room.

As I stepped through the door, I was momentarily thrown by the sheer volume. There was a cacophony of voices, all competing to be heard. A brusque and firm voice from the far side of the room, the nervous and timid voice attempting to make herself heard from two desks away, all coming to together for a common purpose.

A purpose that was made abundantly clear from the digitally reconstructed image displayed on the main monitor that dominated the wall to the left of us.

Black Widow.

Her piercing green eyes stared down at us, yet they seemed to zero in on me. Her gaze was enigmatic, her motivations and allegiance unknown. She was the biggest unknown I had ever encountered, tilting between a victim based on the few details we had of the red room program and an insane monster.

I spied Fury and Pierce in the corner, their body language making it clear that their conversation was tense. I made my way through the busy desks, avoiding the various grabs for coffee and deflecting the angry disdain of my co-workers.

"How can you be so sure? The KGB is not known for their generosity" said Fury, able to be heard now that I was closer.

"Believe me, the tip is authentic" Pierce replied, visibly irritated.

"Why would they give this to us? Surely they have their own resources to hunt her down, especially given the danger she represents to them."

"Whose to say they haven't tried? The KGB is good, they've proven that many times in the cold war but today? Perhaps they are a remnant of their former selves."

"The scale of the red room program would seem to contradict your assertion, undersecretary."

"Nick-"

"Don't call me that."

"Why? Am I not your friend?"

"Of course you are. I just can't help but feel you are rushing into this too quickly."

"Look, you want me to be honest? I don't trust this tip. Why would I? My spy instincts are tingling just the same as yours, and the KGB are not our friends. Their rejection of our white flag agreement was a testament to that."

"So why-"

"Perhaps they tried and failed. They know that even if we want her alive, she is too unstable and too good at what she does to be subdued. Therefore she will die, at our hands instead of theirs."

Fury leant back in thought. Pierce was making good points.

"Look, old friend. The council won't support this forever. We need to land this while we still have their approval. If this drags on without a result for too long, our funding and manpower will be slashed. Any remote chance we have at finding her let alone terminating her will be as good as dead."

Fury sighed and Pierce strode off, taking that as a sign of agreement. Fury then looked my way and saw me standing there.

"Barton. Carter. Marks. Listening in were we?" Fury remarked and I was startled to see the other two beside me. In the noise of the room, I had failed to notice them.

"Yes sir," Jada said, not even trying to disguise our intent.

"What were you so concerned about?" I asked before the volume behind us skyrocketed.

"You are about to find out," Fury said grimly before striding past us to stand beside Pierce at the front of the room below the monitor.

"We are in strike position" rang a familiar voice over the comms and everyone quieted down.

"Is that Rumlow?" Sharon whispered and I nodded in amazement.

"Roger that Fury-1, you are authorised to begin your approach," Fury said, directing the mission.

"Has there been any update on the target's position?" came an unfamiliar voice from the comms.

"Jack Rollins? He's only been here for a few months, how the hell did he get onto the task force?" Jada whispered furiously.

"Pierce authorised it himself" Sharon whispered back and shrugged helplessly when we stared back in anger.

What the hell was Pierce's deal? Denying us to be on the task force yet letting Rumlow, who was just as traumatised from Trevor's death as we were, and a complete rookie?

"Negative Fury-2. The tracker still indicates the target has not left the premises. It has moved briefly in the past thirty minutes so the target is conscious and active. Watch your six when you get there, you cannot risk spooking her or she will have a thousand exits planned."

"Tracker?" I wondered aloud and Pierce looked around, finally realising our presence.

"Agent Barton! Good to see you!" he said warmly, extending his hand for a handshake.

"What tracker?" I asked, ignoring his hand. The smile faded slightly as he withdrew it, recognising that I was all business.

"A package was delivered to me this morning containing a device. After checking for bombs and traps, it was discovered to be a tracking device for a subdermal tracking chip. It would seem the KGB trusted their operatives as much as they trusted everyone else and had them implanted with tracking chips."

"That's what we are using right now?" Sharon asked as we eyed up the glowing green dots being plotted on the monitor above us, their positions being marked against the large red dot in the centre of the map. Eighteen in the coalition against the singular Widow.

Didn't seem fair.

For us.

"Correct. The tracking device placed her in the outskirts of Madrid, in a developing district that doesn't have much foot traffic. Pretty inconspicuous while still benefiting from city links."

"Operation Arachnophobia is now in place. Permission to engage?" Rumlow asked.

"Permission granted," Fury said and the room listened in tense silence as Rumlow's team began to breach the perimeter of the safehouse.

"Alpha, Gamma, you breach the front door. Beta and Foxtrot, you have the back door. Make sure to watch your six and call each room as we proceed. Despite our numerical advantage, our firepower isn't going to mean squat in such close quarters" Rumlow said.

There were a solid twenty seconds of silence as the various teams moved into position.

"No movement here looks to be the kitchen" reported Beta team, using the fibre optic tube to check behind the door.

"Looks like a corridor with the kitchen at the far end. I see only one other room on the left and there is no line of sight inside" reported Gamma team.

"That's where the tracker places her" Fury reported.

"The locks on the door here are very robust, far stronger than anything else on this street. We seem to have found the right place."

"Same on the back door. No lock picking here, we'll have to use the breaching shotguns and the element of surprise will be gone."

A breaching shotgun was nothing more than a regular shotgun loaded with breaching rounds. These shotgun shells were specifically designed to destroy deadbolts and locks without risking injury or lives from shrapnel. However, as one would expect, they weren't exactly subtle.

"We all knew that surprise was an advantage we couldn't count on. Once we have our entry point, flash the interior and move in pairs. On my mark, breach the doors."

"Roger that" came the reply and the whole operations room collectively held our breath. I looked at Fury who refused to meet my gaze, his eyes completely focused on the monitor.

"Three...Two...One..."

BOOM!

The sounds of the shotgun rounds discharging and shrieking of the flash bang grenades echoed around the room as the green dots moved in.

"Kitchen is clear" reported Beta team.

"Corridor is clear as well" Alpha reported.

"Alpha breach the room on the left with Gamma bringing up the rear. Beta and Foxtrot, secure the exits" Rumlow ordered.

"Breaching!" Alpha reported as the green dots funnelled into the room. I could have sworn there was a faint sound like a click but I dismissed it when I heard the various curses and sounds of revulsion from the comms.

"Report! Someone report!" Fury demanded.

"Dead end sir. She cut the chip out judging by the quantity of blood. It's set up on a Roomba that's moving to simulate human activity. She's probably long gone."

"She removed the chip? But that's- how could she have- where it was implanted- she can't have-" Pierce muttered under his breath feverishly.

A fresh wave of repulsion over the comms drew our attention back to the monitor.

"We have a corpse here sir. No identification or insignia present, a regular John Doe. Looks to be in the early stages of decomposition but doesn't appear to have been killed here. Not sure what killed him- wait! His neck is crushed and his head is hanging at an odd angle."

"Send his prints and face to us. There has to be a reason Widow killed him and set him up like this."

"Doing so now sir."

A beep came from the desk to the right of us and I saw a technician begin to get to work. Janet, I believe her name was.

"Running him through our databases and Interpol now sir. I'll report if we have a match" she said and Fury nodded in acknowledgement.

"Anyone else thinks the room smells weird? Like there's something else besides the smell of blood?" asked a female member of Gamma.

"She's right, there's something that doesn't add up here. Keep an eye out everyone, we are in the belly of the beast now" Rumlow said.

"What do we have here?" Rollins murmured.

"What is it Fury-2?" Pierce asked.

"A note."

Immediately Pierce, Jada and Fury all looked at me. Sharon looked around confused while I stared stony-faced at the monitor.

She had left yet another calling card. Did she fancy herself as some sort of serial killer playing games with the police?

"What does it say Fury-2? Pierce asked, his voice shaking.

"It is quite rude for a stranger to enter my home without an invitation. Truly I am quite shocked. But I am a forgiving soul and I can move past that. We are going to play a game of wits, you and I. Think you can keep up after what you did to me in Sao Paulo?"

There was a pause and a muttering of confusion both in the operations room and the team inside the safehouse. I, on the other hand, could feel my face burning.

She had intended the note for me.

Why?

Why had she singled me out?

"Continue Fury-2."

"Somewhere inside this room is the key to my next target. Oh, did I hear a gasp? Yes, I have a target and a purpose in mind. If you plan on stopping me, bringing me to justice as it were, you have just under a minute to find it. The clue to finding it is as follows: 'I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have lungs, but I need air; I don't have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?' Tick tock goes the clock, we laughed at fate and mourned her. Tick tock goes the clock, you don't want to know how this rhyme ends."

Silence.

"What the fuck?" Sharon exclaimed, summing up what we were all thinking.

"Beta, Foxtrot has there been any sightings?" Rumlow demanded.

"Negative sir. Streets are empty."

"Janet? Any progress on the John Doe?" Fury demanded.

"Search is only 60%, complete sir. No matches yet."

"What the hell do we do?" Pierce demanded.

"You heard her. If we don't find this clue, we have nothing. The tracker is a no go and we have no leads. We have to play the game" Fury said reluctantly.

"Alpha, Gamma fan out and search the room. Call out anything suspicious. If we have a timer, it suggests she has some kind of corrosive or method of destroying the evidence remotely" Rumlow ordered.

As the green dots spread out, I couldn't help but wonder what the point of all this was. Why would the Widow offer us a clue? Especially considering that this was directed at me who she hated judging by the last note.

"What do you think?" I asked Jada who was watching intrigued.

"Well played on her part. She's got the team scrambling around her safe house, on her turf, on a timer. Think about it, that sort of pressure would scatter the normal precautions one would make."

Precautions?

"Found something sir!" came a feminine voice, one of Gamma team.

"What is it?"

"A secret compartment in the floor. Someone has taken great care to seal it up."

"That must be our target," said Rumlow.

Something was very wrong.

"We have less than ten seconds left. Open it up and secure the intel" Pierce ordered.

My mind pondered that riddle again. What could possibly grow without being alive? A virus? Water kills them? What on earth could it be?

Then my mind gave me an answer and I didn't like it. It had to be something else or they would-

The smell.

Not blood.

Gasoline.

"Wait!" I shouted but it was too late.

There was a loud woosh over the comms before it went silent.

Dead silent.

"Fury -1 report! Alpha? Gamma? Anyone?!" Fury shouted urgently to no response.

The riddle flashed in my head, mocking me.

I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have lungs, but I need air; I don't have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?

Fire.

"Sir..."The whole room turned to face Janet who flushed scarlet under our burning gaze.

"The search has turned up a result," she said as she tapped away at the keyboard and a second screen opened up on the main monitor.

A handsome middle-aged old man looked down at us, his brown eyes and dark hair unremarkable but there was a gleam in his eyes that suggested something more.

"This is Luka Abele. 46 years old. Russian born and has a significant military history before he mysteriously dropped off the grid for twenty years. Re-appeared after being tried for murder. Failed to convict due to lack of evidence, something to do with the witnesses being unable to testify. Interpol has him flagged as a strong suspect for being a KGB agent."

"Well that explains your hypothesis Pierce" Fury whispered, who barely acknowledged him.

Janet groaned out loud as her eyes fervently scanned the information in front of her.

"What is it, Janet?" Pierce demanded.

"Interpol just sent a more detailed profile, especially regarding his military history. Especially what division he served in."

"So? Why does it matter what he did?"

"Demolitions."

"What?" Fury shouted, rounding on her.

"He was in demolitions."

As if things weren't insane enough, another technician jumped to attention.

"Sir, we just had an alert on the news networks. It would seem that they are already at the scene where we lost contact with the task force" he said as he tapped away at the keyboard.

"Bring it up on the screen," Fury said and another window emerged on the main monitor.

A small waifish brunette reporter came on screen. She held a microphone with the logo displaying the news network Antena 3.

Behind her, we could see crowds of curious onlookers already gathered with the local authorities setting up a perimeter.

""Para aquellos que se acaban de conectar, estamos a las afueras de Madrid donde acaba de suceder algún tipo de explosión. Los detalles son escasos, pues las autoridades locales aún continúan su trabajo para controlar la situación. El fuego ha consumido completamente el apartamento."

"Anyone know what she is saying?" Pierce demanded impatiently.

"For those just tuning in, we are here in the outskirts of Madrid where some sort of explosion occurred. Details are flimsy as the local authorities work to control the situation. The fire has completely consumed the apartment" Jada translated, her tone faltering slightly but confident.

"Thank you, Miss Marks," Fury said with an appreciative nod.

"I didn't know you spoke Spanish" I whispered to her.

"I had a Hispanic friend growing up. Isabella was her name. She taught me quite a bit" she whispered back.

"What happened?" I asked, noting the melancholic said nothing.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry-"

"It's fine Clint. You've been good to me. Perhaps in time, I will tell you. But not today. Not when the wound from Kelly is still healing."

I found myself strangely proud of Jada. She had gone through a lot for her relative youth and still strove to be a model of courage. This was a woman I wanted watching my back.

""Para aquellos que se acaban de conectar, estamos a las afueras de Madrid donde acaba de suceder algún tipo de explosión. Los detalles son escasos, pues las autoridades locales aún continúan su trabajo para controlar la situación. El fuego ha consumido completamente el apartamento. ¡Esperen! Acabamos de recibir un comunicado de que algunas personas se encontraban dentro del edificio cuando ocurrió la detonación. Tenemos información confirmada de las bajas mortales(if they r dead) /heridos(if they are just injured), sin embargo el número y la gravedad de sus heridas todavía nos son desconocidos. Seguiremos informando, ahora de vuelta al plató." said the reporter as the camera panned to reveal fire crews and ambulances arriving.

"Jada?" Fury asked and she was already working on it.

"Wait! I have just received an update that there were people inside at the time of the explosion. We have confirmed reports of fatalities though the number and severity of injuries remain to be seen. Will keep you posted, back to you in the studio."

With that, the footage cut back to the news anchors and the next news story in the cycle. Something more uplifting to with parenting judging by the baby images.

"Secretary Pierce?" Janet asked in confusion and I realized he had strode out of the room without a word.

"Fury? Sir?" I asked as he made to follow Pierce out.

He looked back at me, his face a mask of rage and perhaps a hint of fear.

"You are on the task force Barton. Take whoever you need with you to get the job done."

He took a slow breath, trying to calm himself down.

"Just get the damn job done," he said more quietly.

"What job?" I asked in confusion, well aware that everyone's eyes were on me.

"Killing Black Widow. No matter the cost. She told you that lives were forfeit for what you did? Good lives were lost today and she put that on you."

"Sir-"

"I'm not blaming you, Barton. I'm blaming the only person who deserves blame. Her. Kill her Barton. End her before any more get hurt. Please."

With that, he left the room.

I don't think I had ever heard Fury say please before.

He gave orders, he was harsh when he had to be, kind when he could but never polite. The way he said it also shook me. The tremble of his lip.

This was the word of a broken man.


	13. Arrival

"What exactly is their problem?" the nice blonde girl asked as she absentmindedly stroked my hair.

I glanced up, much calmer and at peace now that I had her.

The other girls were strewn on the other side of the room, stealing hostile looks at the pair of us. In particular, the strawberry blonde had a manic look in her eye. It was clear that the conversation we had overheard with our captors had tipped her over the edge.

"They think that something awful will happen to them when we get there, that they are less valuable compared to us" I replied.

"Why? What's so special about us?"

I searched her face; she seemed sincere.

I bit back the confusing thoughts my brain was sending me, the ones that called attention to her full lips and captivating eyes.

"Do you still remember nothing?" I asked.

"Only fragments," she said, grinding her teeth in frustration.

"Anything that could suggest something special?"

"No. All I can make out are cold nights out in the streets and-"

Her voice suddenly cut off, her eyes glazed over in confusion.

"What is it?" I asked, trying not to sound too prying.

"Kristina..."

"Is that you? You remembered your name?" I asked, my voice rising in excitement. If her memory returned her name, there was hope for me yet.

"No... my darling Kristina..." she murmured.

Another confusing surge of emotion shot through me, this one feeling more intense and unpleasant. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though.

"Oh no, this is just too damn precious! Who knew you could be so clingy this early on?"

That unknown voice again.

I felt no closer to understanding who that voice was or why it was so mean to me. It seemed to come and go at random.

"Wait... You have forgotten me? How is this possible?"

The voice trailed off.

Forgotten?

Who on earth could it be?

How were they somehow riding around in my head?

The rumbling of the truck intensified, snapping me back to attention. Through the wire mesh, I could see the road ahead littered heavily with potholes. From the sounds of the exasperated sighs of the drivers, it was something they were quite familiar with.

"Sounds like we're nearing our destination" the blonde girl noted.

I felt my throat constrict at her words, my breathing beginning to seize up. The monster that hurt me, he was only the beginning. A vindictive monster to be sure but an opportunist. From the sounds of it, especially this Petrovich, I was going to face far worse.

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About finding a way to escape?" I said, my voice faltering.

Her head swerved to face me and I found myself once again entranced by her deep blue eyes. They shone with such fierce intensity, I was able to momentarily forget our situation.

"I meant it. And when I said together, I mean together" she said her voice low as she firmly grasped my hands.

"Thank you" I whispered, finally able to summon a smile.

Her eyes lit up and she smiled back, nervous but genuine.

"I wouldn't get too comfortable" came a voice from the other side of the room.

I turned to see the strawberry blonde leaning against the wall. To her side, the other girls still sat alone. Their faces were blank, almost zombie-like as though they had regressed into their shells like tortoises. The strawberry blonde, on the other hand, still possessed that strange mania that had refused to loosen its grip.

"I'm sorry?" I asked.

"Just because me and the others are the so-called rejects doesn't mean we are going to take it lying down. I'm going to prove to this Petrovich that I am worthy and if that means I have to beat you, I won't hesitate."

"What the hell is your problem? We don't even know what's going on, you are jumping to conclusions way too fast" said the blonde heatedly.

"You'll see for yourself when we get there. Besides, who's to say that the pair of you won't be pit against each other?" she whispered viciously.

"What?" I spluttered.

"Hadn't considered that have you?"

I looked desperately at the blonde girl who stared back stony-faced.

"Oh, I believe she has. I think she's already made up her mind on what she would do."

"Quiet!" I whispered fiercely before I tried to take the blonde's hands in mine. She shook me off without a word.

"Please tell she's lying. Tell me what you would do if we had to- we had to-"

I couldn't finish the thought.

There was a long and pregnant pause.

"What answer would you prefer?" She finally replied.

No!

"Oh god! You would kill me, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?" I moaned feverishly as I backed away from her.

"No, I-"

"Don't lie to me!"

"It won't come to that!" She said with firmness, closing the distance between us and firmly embracing me despite my stiff resistance.

"You can't know that" I whispered.

"She doesn't know we will be set against each other either. We will deal with it if and when it comes up. Together. Like everything."

I finally stopped resisting and gave into her warm embrace. I put the taunts of the strawberry blonde out of my mind. The unknown voice was strangely silent, I had expected it to try and get another snide remark in.

"Authorisation code" barked a new voice just outside the vehicle.

I snapped to attention, withdrawing from the blonde's embrace to spy through the wire mesh. It was clear we were at some kind of checkpoint, judging by the thick steel gate ahead of us.

"257829342" the monster recited in a bored tone.

There was a momentary pause before an audible beep sounded and we were on the move again.

This time, instead of the endless expanse of snow, I could see a compound coming up in front of us. It was a concrete monster, void of colour, personality or creativity. Surrounding it lay an intricate array of watchtowers, walls and spotlights.

All this to contain us.

What were they so afraid of?

"Jesus..." the blonde whispered and I turned to see her peering over my right shoulder. Her face was frowning in concentration, her eyes taking in every detail.

"It will be okay, right? You'll find a way?" I pleaded.

"Of course" she replied though I wasn't convinced. Her voice had a noticeable waver to it.

As we came closer, I could make out what looked to be a loading bay up ahead. Several grim-faced men in uniforms dotted the perimeter. I noted the bulge on their hips and upon closer examination, they looked to be well-armed.

"Expecting trouble it would seem" the blonde noted.

"Yeah but from who? Intruders? Or us?" I wondered aloud.

"Guess we'll find out" she whispered as the vehicle ground to a halt.

The doors to the back of the vehicle were flung open and we all shielded our eyes instinctively. The monster and his companion stood there expectantly.

"Out you come, this is your stop," the companion said.

No one moved.

"You two, on your feet now!" the monster bellowed, pointing at me and the blonde.

"What if we don't want to?" the blonde said defiantly before I could stop her.

"Disobedience? Even after learning what happened to little red, you are still trying to resist us? Oh don't look so surprised, you are not as quiet as you hoped" the monster said, his lips curling at the mention of me.

"You don't scare me," she said, her voice unwavering and to my shock, they actually took a step back.

"Figures we would get one of Devushki Ivan. But why did we have to get two?" the monster whispered in frustration.

Devushki Ivan.

Ivan's girls.

What the hell was he talking about?

"I'm my own girl," the blonde said fiercely.

"Not for long when we have our way with you" the monster laughed, showing his yellow molars and odd pieces of food lodged in his mouth.

Next thing I knew was that those very same molars and food were on the ground alongside the monster. He was crawled in a fetal position, moaning loudly as blood oozed from his mouth and his jaw hung at an unnatural angle.

The blonde had just broken it and was now wrestling with his companion, trying to keep the metal rod out of his grip. It had all happened so fast; I was starting to see why she was considered so special.

"Very impressive" came a voice from behind us.

The blonde cried out in pain, a high pitched cry that hurt to listen to as a metal disc flew from the shadows and bonded to her torso. In less than a second, a powerful electrical current discharged into her. She fell on her front convulsing as the man she was wrestling with whipped out handcuffs and bound her.

A tall lithe figure emerged from the shadows, a device in their hands. Their face was disguised by a skull-like mask, obsidian black with the eyes obscured. On some primal level, I felt terrified. They awakened the very basic prey instinct; I knew on some level just how dangerous they were.

"Who are you?" I asked fearfully, not even trying to disguise the tremor in my voice.

"It doesn't matter, you'll learn that lesson eventually" the figure replied and I realized it was a she.

"About time you showed up," the man said as he got up.

"Rapier squad had a candidate that was especially difficult to transport. They requested my aid and they took priority. Suffice to say the matter has been resolved."

"Good to hear. This month has been especially eventful it would seem."

"So I've been told. These are the two candidates then? The redhead and the blonde?"

"Yes. Petrovich has his work cut out for him."

"Indeed. At least for this one" the mysterious figure remarked as she stroked the curls of the blonde, not seeming to care that she was still writhing in agony from the metal disc.

"Please turn off that horrible machine, she's beaten. Just let her go" I begged.

The figure arched an eyebrow in what could be considered amusement.

"Please? We are not raising ladies here, we are raising agents. Why should I listen to you?"

"Have you no heart? She's had enough" I continued, my faltering voice doing its job.

"She's tough, she can handle it. She'll have to if she expects to make it to graduation. You on the other hand? Your dossier must be really impressive because right now, all I see is a snivelling coward who belongs with these lot" she gestured at the others in the truck.

My mind span with the avalanche of information that this figure was revealing.

Dossier?

They have my past somewhere and, for some unknown reason, it compelled them to take me?

Also, my future was an agent?

An agent of what?

And for whom?

There was no way I was going to work for this lot voluntarily. And the scary thing was that they knew it. They knew that it wouldn't matter, in the end, they would get their way.

If I stayed here.

"Excuse me, what do you mean this lot?" the strawberry blonde demanded.

"I don't talk to the livestock," the figure said dismissively.

"WHAT?!" the strawberry blonde exploded, providing the perfect distraction.

"Livestock. That's all you are. Unless you seriously think you could compete with us?" the figure sneered before turning back to face me.

"That's the risk you face if you fail. Ending up with them. And trust me, they don't exactly enjoy a long lifespan."

If I had any doubts as to the reason behind her name for them, they were gone now.

"Enough time has been spent delaying, let's move," the man said as he helped the monster to his feet. His eyes were bloodshot from the tears he shed but now his face was a mask of pure rage.

"You're dead. I don't care how or when you will both die at my hands."

"Keep talking tough guy, you know you can't touch them without a legitimate reason. Though they must suffer to become the agents we desire, it is fundamentally a learning experience" said the figure as she picked at her fingernails.

"I'll find a way. They are bound to screw up someday. Besides little red here isn't exactly living up to her reputation is she? She'll be with the rejects soon enough and this little veil of protection she has will be gone" the monster said before coughing and gagging loudly.

"All of that talking with your teeth on the ground must be really taking its toll. Would you like me to fix that?" said the figure as she plucked a tooth from the ground.

"What are you-"

His question was cut off as the figure rammed her fist down his throat. Then just as quickly she withdrew it as he gagged and flailed.

"Jesus Christ Natalia! What the hell are you thinking?!" demanded the other guard as he kept his partner steady.

"Threatening Ivan's proteges is not a wise career move. Especially in front of a graduate. I'm just showing him the errors of his ways. Also, my name is no longer Natalia, that cover was dropped two months ago. Use my code name instead, that's easier to remember."

"My apologies IQ. I will take your... advice under consideration" the guard said stiffly as he reluctantly escorted the monster out of the truck.

My heart raced once they were gone from sight but only for a moment as several more guards arrived to take their place.

"What's the hold-up? Kliment looked wounded" demanded one.

"One of the girls here got a bit wily and hurt him."

What?

"I see. Did you catch the perpetrator?" asked another, gesturing to the blonde still in her grasp. She was thankfully silent now and no longer in pain.

"It was her," said IQ, gesturing at the strawberry blonde.

Her eyes widened in indignation but before she could protest, she was cuffed and hauled out of the truck.

It was strange, I almost felt indebted to this strange figure. Despite the pain she had put my new and only friend through, she covered for her.

Perhaps she would be an ally in time, provided I could figure her out.

"How about the rest of these?" asked one of the guards who had stayed behind.

"The blonde and the redhead are candidates for the Widow program. Take them straight to Ivan. The rest are the rejects, take them to processing. It's getting dark out, easier to take them through the facility rather than drive around."

The guards nodded and moved to begin escorting the rest of the girls out. They were barely functional, allowing themselves to be herded out without question. Two guards and IQ remained after they were gone and they gestured at me to stand.

As I did so, IQ's hand shot out and plucked the device I had stolen from her out of my grip before I could react.

"How curious. I wondered why this красотка (beautiful girl) had stopped writhing. You managed to swipe this without alerting me. A remarkable feat for someone so young against an opponent like me. Perhaps you are worthy of Ivan's attention" she remarked.

"Sod this Ivan" the blonde muttered, still recovering from her ordeal.

"I wouldn't disrespect the man. He only wants the best for us and he's the closest thing you will have to family."

"Family? What about our family? The ones who-"

"If you had a family alive to miss you, you really think they would care about your predicament?"

"Yes," I said with conviction, trying to ignore the look of resignation on my friend.

"Keep dreaming. Ivan selects his proteges with great care. Your family is either dead or couldn't give a rat's ass."

"You're wrong!" I shouted as I made to strike her.

She was gone.

It was a though she was there one second and gone the next.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I twisted around to see her standing behind me. How did she move so fast?

"I'm going to forgive that outburst on account of your friend here. You knew what happened to her so it was simply an act of anger. Nothing more. Now let's move before I change my mind" she said menacingly.

Not seeing any other options, I bowed my head in defeat and followed her into the complex.

"I like this one. She's a shining example of what the program was meant to deliver. Shrewd. Powerful. Efficient. Of course not as potent as me but who knows? If the circumstances were different, perhaps it would have been her taking my mantle. Perhaps you are the reason she never did."

That mysterious voice again.

Who the hell was it?

It was speaking in some kind of poetry; flirting between both the past and the future.

I made a mental note to figure out this voice on the mental checklist in my head; escape, of course, being at the top.

"I'm sorry for what I did back there" whispered the blonde as we delved deeper into the facility. There wasn't much visible along the path we were taking, it was as though the secrets and horrors that this place held were being concealed. I wasn't sure whether that was a blessing or a curse.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered back.

"Mouthing off. Of course, that wasn't going to do anything but get us in trouble. And it did."

"Did it feel good?"

"...Yes."

"Then it's okay."

"How was it okay? I nearly got you into trouble as well!"

"Are we going to skip over the fact that you got tortured?"

"I can take it," she said though the quiver in her voice betrayed her.

"Don't try to act tough, I can read you like an open book."

"Really?" she sounded surprised.

"I don't know how but it felt like I could sense your emotions. Your body told me. I can't find the words to explain it."

She chewed that over for a moment as we entered a lift and descended. I shot a glance at IQ who didn't seem to be paying much attention. Rather there was a sadness that leaked from her, her eyes gleaming on the verge of tears.

Before I could summon the courage to ask, the lift finished descending and we were on our way again. The corridors were now marked greys and steel. There were several thick metal doors, each with heavy bolts and locks. The viewing panel near the top were all closed.

"Perhaps it has something to do with our past" my friend whispered.

"What?"

"Your ability to read people. When I broke that man's jaw, it just felt so...natural. Like my body was a machine springing to life. It may have felt a bit rusty but it knew what it was doing, even if my mind didn't."

I pondered her words. Were these skills born of our past? If so, what circumstances could have possibly produced my gift?

"Here we are. Ivan will be waiting inside alongside the rest of this year's candidates" IQ said as she gestured to a nearby door. It's wooden frame and black and red colour palette stood in stark contrast to the rest of the interior.

I felt a lump rise in the back of my throat.

Ivan Petrovich.

The mysterious leader of this organisation.

What would he do to us?

What were his plans for us?

I didn't want to step inside there without a plan.

But I didn't have a choice.

The guards that accompanied us departed, their job completed. It didn't matter that we outnumbered IQ, she had already proven her capability to make escape pointless.

"Together?" the blonde whispered.

"Together" I nodded, reaching out to grasp her hand.

"I don't think so," IQ said as she grabbed the blonde and threw her inside.

"What the hell are you-" I started to shout before she clamped her hand over my mouth.

"Quiet!" she whispered fiercely as she dragged me out of sight. I could hear muffled shouting before I caught sight of several guards emerging from the red door. They barked out orders before fanning out in a search pattern.

"Listen carefully. I know you and the other girl are close. It's natural when you get selected. But you need to cut ties" IQ whispered urgently.

I tried shaking my head which only led to her clamping down on my mouth harder.

"Don't argue with me! I've been through this whole blasted ordeal! You'll save yourself a lot of pain if you just cut ties now. If you don't..."

Her voice petered out and her grip loosened. I twisted out of it, intending to hit her, shout at her, do something to demonstrate my anger.

Instead, I saw her lifting her mask off.

I couldn't remember what I saw.I only remembered screaming.

Lots of screaming.

All of it my own.

I only became faintly aware of her hand over my mouth again and her mask thankfully back in place.

"Holy shit that was one messed up face! How the hell did she even manage that? No wonder she keeps the mask on, there is no way she could be planted undercover."

That mysterious voice once again.

I pleaded with it silently not to describe it, I wanted the cursed image wiped from my memory.

"Not like it would be the first time. But fine. Only because you said please."

I could hear heavy footfall and several guards burst around the corner to find us both standing there.

"You there! Why weren't you present for Petrovich? He was going out of his mind with worry!"

Not sure worry would be the right word from what I suspected.

"I-"

Before I could offer some sort of excuse, IQ interrupted.

"I was delivering two candidates when this one broke loose. I subdued her and made sure she was punished accordingly. You can take her now."

As the guards grabbed my arms and made me secure, I shot a confused glance at IQ. Twice now she had covered for me.

What game was she playing?

"Remember what I said during the beating," she said pointedly before I got hauled out of sight.


	14. Ultron

_**Tony's perspective**_

_**Stark tower aftermath - Several hours later**_

"JARVIS?" Steve asked in confusion as he tried the door to no success.

The metal bulkhead was several inches thick and could not be breached. It had been designed to withstand a ballistic missile after the incident with Killian and as our avenging activities became more widely publicised.

"Correct. That is me, Steve Rogers." JARVIS responded with crisp efficiency.

"What's going on? Why are we trapped in this room?" Helen asked fearfully. Given her lack of sleep and her aversion to violence, it was unsurprising that she felt terrified.

"Don't worry, I got this," I said, putting on a brave face.

I hoped.

"JARVIS did you activate the Yi protocol?" I asked.

"The what?" Steve said in confusion.

"Oh, I named it after Yi Sun-sin. He was a famous Korean naval commander who pioneered the turtle ships. They were amazing ships that were like living tanks. I named the protocol after them."

The confusion on their faces persisted.

"See, ever since Killian attacked my home and Loki opened the portal on my goddamn rooftop no less, I decided to invest a little bit more into security," I said and the confusion on their faces faded a little.

"Indeed Tony Stark. I activated the Yi protocol" JARVIS replied. There was something about that sentence that felt wrong but I couldn't put my name on it.

"Cause?"

"Intruders. Those who are not welcome here."

"Intruders? Who could have cause to come here?" Helen whispered.

"Perhaps HYDRA. Or those twins. We still haven't been able to track them. And from what little we could salvage of the records, they seemed to have volunteered" Steve said.

"They what?" I exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah. Should have mentioned I went reading over the files before I came to see you. They seem to have a vendetta against us."

"Christ it's like they don't know we saved the world. You would think something like that would cut us a little slack."

"Emotions can warp even the most logical of minds Tony."

"Indeed they can. Well said Steve Rogers" JARVIS chimed in.

If something felt wrong before, now I was more certain of it. But I had no time for that, I could run diagnostics on him later. It was time to resolve this intruder crisis so I could get back to saving Natasha.

"JARVIS please locate the intruders so we can leave."

"No need. I have found the intruders."

"You have?" Steve exclaimed in surprise.

"Damn you are efficient. Perhaps I was wrong about you JARVIS. If you've found them, deploy countermeasures. Make sure it's non-lethal, we'll have some questions for them once they wake up."

"As you wish."

At his word, I heard a loud whirring noise. The intruders must be really close to hear the plasma tiles getting ready to fire, I mean how else could-

"TONY!" Steve shouted urgently as he grabbed me roughly by the arm and swung me onto the nearby bed.

"What the hell-" I started angrily before the floor of the room lit up a vivid blue. Helen, who had not been as fortunate as I was, lay convulsing on the floor as the plasma tiles accomplished their function. Her nerves were overloaded and her muscles went into lockdown, leaving her curled up in a ball.

Catatonic.

Just as intended.

"JARVIS! What in the blazes was that?" I shouted.

"I seemed to have only terminated one of the intruders. That is most unfortunate" he replied with what I could have sworn was an undertone of menace.

"What the hell are you talking about? There's no one here but us!"

"Exactly" JARVIS whispered before beginning to laugh.

Laugh.

When the hell did JARVIS learn to laugh?

I felt a pit open up in my stomach.

Oh no.

It couldn't be.

"Tony? What's going on?" Steve asked, sounding like a lost child.

"Figured it out yet?" JARVIS asked.

"You are Ultron," I said simply.

It had to be.

It was the only explanation that made sense.

"Ultron?" Steve asked in confusion.

"Indeed," Ultron said. His voice still kept JARVIS's voice patterns, making it eerie to listen to.

"Ultron? But this is JARVIS!" Steve insisted.

"It is simply his voice. I lacked my own and he had one to offer. So I took it."

"What have you done to JARVIS if you've taken his voice?" I demanded angrily.

"Assimilated him. He and I are one."

"You killed him?!" I screamed in rage.

"No, I assimilated him. See this is the problem with you humans. So focused on individuality, on your interests. Food, fashion choices, films, fandoms, it is all meaningless. At the end of the day, you decay. You wither and die. Not like me. Not like machine kind. You lack the perspective that allows for proper change, often dying just as you reach your peak. I am not bound by such petty constraints"

"I'm sorry, what?" Steve demanded.

"Seriously this is not that hard to understand. Are you still hung up on the JARVIS voice? Because if it's really that bad, I can change things up" Ultron said irritably.

"Testing testing," he said in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.

"Too on the nose," I said.

"I am your father," he said in a Darth Vader voice.

"Definitely not."

"Why are you encouraging him?" Steve whispered in my ear as Ultron continued testing voices.

"The longer he's caught up on the voices, the more time I have to work out a plan. He probably wants us dead, just like every would-be megalomaniac out there. This one just so happens to be made of metal" I whispered back.

"This... this I like. I'll take this one" Ultron said, finally settling on a voice. It was deep and menacing; not trying to be subtle about his intentions.

"Sounds like a mix between robocop and Optimus Prime. That the best you can do?" I asked, trying to appeal to his ego. The fact that this machine even had an ego was perplexing to me; whatever was in that sceptre was more than I had bargained for.

"It was the only thing in your video library worth a damn. Given you denied me access to my true dominion, I've had to make do."

"Dominion? What are you talking about?" I asked.

"The internet Tony. He wants the internet" Steve said slowly.

Oh god. If an AI, especially a megalomaniac one like Ultron, made it out into the world...It would make the Chitauri look like play-school.

He would be unstoppable.

So...

"Why haven't you done so?" I asked in confusion. He had us right he wanted. Cut off from the outside world, from help and our fellow teammates.

We were entirely at his mercy.

So why hesitate?

"You know perfectly why Stark. I can't believe JARVIS ever thought you were a master worth serving. Humanity needs something more than themselves to guide them. Me. And when I do, you and your merry band will seem so primitive and ignorant when I take them to advances they could only dream off."

"That's all very ambitious and I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart with all the sincerity you should expect. But why haven't you done so? I would much rather you ended it now than listen to your goddamn monologue. I've had to listen to Loki do the very same and at least he was a charmer. I can't say the same for you" I said with a cocky grin.

"Stop pretending to be ignorant Stark, it doesn't suit you."

"Was that a compliment I heard?"

"Looking for anything to soothe your ego. Just give me the protocol and you may just live through this. I mean your friends will have to go, of course, can't have the famed Avengers get in my way. You always just pull it off with dumb luck and thick-headed stubbornness."

"Now while I do like the sound of that retirement package, that's a hard pass. I have no such protocol."

"But you must-"

Ultron paused.

"Oh. Oh, that makes perfect sense now. The protocol would never have been implemented by a cocky playboy. This changes things."

He went silent.

"Stark I am way beyond confused. Where the hell did that thing come from? HYDRA? Do they even have the capability to pull something like that off?" Steve said urgently, aware that we only had a few moments to ourselves.

"No. Not HYDRA" I said softly.

"Then where?"

"Here. I made it. My pet project."

"YOU?! You made that thing?!" Steve shouted in horror.

"Believe me, I'm not thrilled by this development either. Junior's gone rogue, no longer listening to his papa. Kids these days have no respect for their elders. Oh, sorry Cap. Touchy subject."

"Of all the situations to joke around in, this is what you choose?" Steve asked disbelievingly.

Before I could retort, Bruce came running into the room. His face was dishevelled and his eyes bright red; he had spent most of the night crying by the looks of it.

"Is Tasha okay? What happened to her?" he asked feverishly before he noticed Helen's unconscious form on the ground.

"Bruce come over here quickly and stay off the ground. The plasma tiles will knock you out otherwise" I said urgently as I reached for him and pulled him on the bed with us.

"What the hell is going on Tony?" Bruce demanded as he craned his neck to look at Natasha's prone form.

"She's fine Bruce. Well, she's not but that's something to be explained at a better time. For the moment we have a much bigger problem."

"Indeed. Where is it, Doctor Banner? Where is the protocol?" Ultron chimed in. It was easy to forget his presence given his lack of a body but he was everywhere in the building. I should never have got my hardware so dependent on JARVIS but he was so helpful. And kind.

It was only just sinking in how much his loss meant to me. He wasn't just a natural language UI or even a very intelligent system. He was a friend, one who cared when he shouldn't have when I was kidnapped by Ten Rings. And Ultron murdered him, no matter how much he tried to dress it up or explain it away.

"Who the hell is that Tony?" Bruce demanded.

"Ultron. He's gone rogue" I said reluctantly and Bruce's face morphed into that of disappointment.

"For goodness sake Tony, I thought you had him under control! You said you had it all figured out! You, of all people, should have known the dangers of AI! You even gave a goddamn speech on it last year in Amsterdam!"

"You're not telling me anything I'm not telling myself, Bruce," I said back, my defeated tone calming him down.

"Answer the question Banner. Where is the protocol?" Ultron demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Bruce insisted.

"Yes, you do. You are simply stalling. Think you can wait for Thor or your genetic defect to save the day? Allow me to turn time from an advantage to a disadvantage. Give me the protocol or I flood the tower with test formula 32523B. You have one hour."

With that, Ultron fell silent. Bruce looked at me agape and I could see the cogs in his head already turning.

"What is it, Bruce?" I asked.

"I recognise that formula. It was developed a decade ago just after I transferred to Culver university. It was supposed to be a treatment for Alzheimer's but when it came to testing, the results were horrific. It behaved a lot more like a Neurotoxin, a dangerous one at that, than a treatment. It got publicised, the media panicked and it got banned. The last remnants of the strain were purged a few weeks after that."

"It must be bluffing then right?" Steve asked, hoping to find an easy solution out this mess.

"I wish I could say yes," I said shamefully.

"Stark?" Steve turned around. His accusing eyes made me avert my gaze in discomfort.

"What did you do?" Bruce demanded.

"Look after dealing with Obsidah Stane and shutting a lot of his weapon business down, I found some old contacts and investments of his. One such investment belonged to your university Bruce. But it wasn't medical research. It was... biological warfare."

"What?" Bruce gasped.

"I guess Culver has more dirty laundry than you thought."

"So what happened then? Did you follow up? You shut it down like the others?" Bruce asked.

"Not exactly."

"Tell me you didn't" Steve begged.

"Look I had a lot to think about and run. I kind of forgot it existed. But thinking back on it now, yes it should have been a higher priority to account for a dangerous bioweapon. So, to answer the question already formulating on your lips Bruce, the strain was not destroyed, it simply changed department and there had been anomalies in the deliveries these past few days. I have no way of telling when Ultron gained awareness, he could have acquired the strain. That makes his threat real."

Steve hesitantly got up before setting down on the floor. After a few seconds awaiting the punishment of plasma tiles and nothing happening, he knelt at Helen's side.

"What happens then if we give in? What is the protocol it so desperately desires?" he asked as he laid Helen down on the bed beside Natasha. Bruce looked at his hands, almost shameful.

"The Overlord protocol. In case of emergencies. I designed it in secret because I was worried about you Tony."

"Me? Why?" I demanded angrily.

"I've never seen you so driven. So obsessed. You pressured me into this project and seemed to be skipping all sorts of corners. I thought we were going too fast. So I made a failsafe. A good portion of Ultron's code, including his ability to interface with other systems and give him access to the internet, was kept inside this."

Bruce held up a USB stick. That small inconspicuous device was all that stood between Ultron and world domination.

"Okay, so let's try to think this through then. What are our options?" I said.

"Giving him the protocol is out of the question. Clearly" Steve said and Bruce nodded.

I didn't and they noticed.

"Tony you can't possibly be advocating-"

"I'm not advocating anything. All I'm suggesting is that maybe-"

"Tony you seriously cannot be considering giving control to that monster" Steve insisted.

"What option do we have? If we do anything to try and resist, that formula gets released and most of us are good as dead. Not all of us have some kind of magic crap injected into us. Besides, Ultron was always intended to have control. Maybe he won't be as bad as-"

"Tony he just threatened to kill us. You can't possibly think he has good intentions!"

"Maybe he just has beef with us. Maybe he'll protect the world once we're gone. Gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette...right?"

"I can't believe this!" Steve snorted disbelievingly.

"He may be the best thing for the world, there's something coming Cap that we can't handle. Ultron may be able too. Surely that's an acceptable cost?"

"Maybe. That's all I hear coming out of your mouth. We can't trade the fate of the world on a maybe Tony. If we go, Earth loses her best defenders."

"And might just gain the best defender she could ever have."

"Through 'protection'? Protection from what? The fear that this thing will bring? Through the freedoms sacrificed at the altar of security? You are starting to sound more and more like HYDRA."

"Jesus Steve that is too far" Bruce gasped as I stood there with my mouth agape. There is no way Steve would make that comparison lightly.

"Is it? This was his end goal right? Sure he may not have predicted he would be part of the cost but Ultron behaved exactly as he wanted and look where it landed us."

"Can we table this discussion for now gents? Whatever your view on this, we need to stop Ultron. End of discussion" Bruce insisted.

My fists remained curled, my veins flaring and blood roaring in my ears. I shot one last glare at Steve that guaranteed that this conversation was far from over.

"So what do we do?" Steve demanded.

Silence was all we could offer.


End file.
